Sunday, 17 July 2011

"Alternative" Film Titles.

It's some time between 1998 and 2001. I'm studying media at Tameside College. I'm one of a group of hard-core film fanatics, each with an immature and sex-obsessed sense of humour. The walls of the media classroom are adorned with film posters. There's a copy of Empire open on one of the tables.

What teenage lad doesn't find it funny to retitle a well-known film and make it sound like a spoof porno version?

Which would you like to see made?

Black Cock Downed
The Cocksucker Proxy
Cock Stuck in Two Heaving Arse Cheeks
Acockonyourlips Now
Look Who's Porking
Pretty Titty Gang Bang
Man Shags Dog
Ring of Fire
Lezza Croft: Womb Raider
Things to Do in Denver When You're Giving Head
Sex Toy Story
Sex Toy Story 2: Revenge of the Dildo
Who Raped Roger Rabbit
Gang Bangs of New York
American History Sex
My Little Jap's Eye
The Little Housemaid
The Sexorcist
Fill Bill (Parts one AND two)
Rebel Without his Whores
Sliding Whores
Whore Wars
The Bumpire Strikes Back
Return of the Jap's Eye
The Phantom Penis
Attack of the Colons
Revenge of Syph
The Man With the Golden Bum
A Cockwork Bummage
Bum and Bummer
Young Bums
Top Bum
Bums on the Run
Raging Bum
Laid Bummer
Alien Erection
The Mask of Porno
A Porno 13
Sperminator 2: Ejaculation Day
Sperminator: Salivation
Robin “Upper Vascular” Hood
0891: A Sex Odyssey
The Arse Whisperer
City of Arseholes
US Arseholes
Fear and Loathing Arse Rapers
Six Days, Seven Shites
Good Will Shunting
I Forced One
Twelve Monkey Buggerers
Miller's Tossing
This is Anal Tap
The Blueys Brothers
Fill My Mouth
Hamster Number One
The Inside Her
Shaving Ryan's Privates
Glad He Ate Her
The Texas Anal Massacre
Looking for my Richard
Raping Ned
Cum Air
Condompendence Day
Buttsex with Tiffany
Dong of the Dead

The reworking of “Honey I Shrunk the Kids” and “Honey I Blew Up the Kid” were deemed far to inappropriate to ever be uttered. Don't even think it. 
Yes, some of these we've not exactly made up ourselves. Other titles we HAVE come up with, but we later found that other (more “professional”) people thought of the same idea first.

It's 2011. As you can see, I have matured massively and no longer find these things funny. Cough. I have, however, added some of these titles to the list over the years. What I do for entertainment...

What have I missed? Can you think of any “films” you'd like to see made? Comment below!

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