Matt Tuckey is a writer from Oldham, England. He covers celebrities, night life, Manchester, fitness, creative writing, social media, psychology and events. Some of this may, in some way, help others. Or maybe it'll just entertain you for a while.
A
confession: I'm 36 and have never been paintballing. I was out with
Young Professionals in Manchester a while ago and the conversation
turned to different activities we could do, rather than the now
tiresome 'getting pissed.' I had loads of ideas, so we settled on one
of them. Hence, on Sunday afternoon we're going to Manchester Paintball Arena,
Nile Mill in Chadderton, to shoot each other with paint.
It's going to be SICK. I believe some pain is involved. Don't say you weren't warned. Oh,
and wear loose clothing. You get your overalls, mask, gun and a ton
of balls as part of the price. There are 15 of us so far- make it 16!
Former
Miss Manchester and boxing ring girl Sara Beverley Jones joined the panel, with makeup
provided by Sean Maloney.
The proceedings were presented by former Miss Swimsuit UK national
winner Poppy Haskell.
Sponsors
included mobile phone accessory onlline shop R8 Media.
The
top 3 winners, Poppy explained, go through to the UK final with a
chance to represent the UK in Mexico. As well as a final winner for
the heat, the competition also included prizes for Miss Congeniality
(Emma, no.9) and Miss Social Media (Cassie, no.6). Overall winner:
no.3, Danielle!
I
was talking to a doorman friend on Deansgate a while ago about
nutrition, and about how to stop eating junk food. “Just think,”
he said, “you put it in your mouth, and it tastes good for a couple
of seconds, and that's it. Is it really worth those few seconds of
pleasure for what it does to you?”
He's
right- I'm scratching around for things that I like, and finding
giant bars of Galaxy chocolate. How embarrassing. It really isn't
worth it.
Instead,
I've got Netflix (I'm late to the party but Breaking Bad is
incredible) and loads of books to read. I've got my friends, and the
city of Manchester. I've got the gym. These are all neural pathways-
routes in my brain for finding pleasure. There's plenty out there to
enjoy, and no reason to binge on one thing, especially not one that
has robbed me of a six-pack for the last 9 years.
So.
Here we go again. I'm busy with the move (as mentioned yesterday) but
I'm not going to slip this time. I'll get in gym sessions where
possible, but I won't get my enjoyment from food- I'll get it from
wherever else, and meanwhile I'll get in as much veg as possible. I
should open a cookbook for once, too.
I
was 86.3kg on Tuesday. I want to be 79. And I want to fit into my
suit trousers again. I've already cut out junk food, and I'm not even
missing it this time. I broke the clean-eating habit when I went for
cocktails in Tattu a while back,
and only 1 mate (out of fucking 10 down to come) turned up. I'm not
going to be let down by the meetup scene any more. I might drop into
other people's events but I'm not putting any up myself for the
foreseeable.
I
might beat some PBs at the gym along the way, but I'm not putting
them as my specific goals, meaning I can mix in rope flicks, burpee
chinups, box jumps and bag work along with the likes of chest press
and leg press, with which I have got PBs.
You
know those Creature Comforts claymations that Nick Park makes?
The
principal of this is, you take audio recordings from the public, and
turn them into animation without altering the sound. You flesh out
the dialogue. Park is the master of this.
I
was wondering how this might be transferred to prose: to take and
audio recording and turn it into a fully described scene. So I
surreptitiously recorded my parents discussing me moving house.
House
Discussion 1
“Okay,”
Dad mumbles. “We haven't got time to look at everything else.” He
looks over the spread of paperwork, filling the dining room table.
“Have I gone right through all the recommendations, or do I keep
getting sidetracked?” He picks up a stapled bundle out of maybe 30
identical-looking forms.
Mum
turns to me. “Do you want a hot chocolate?”
“Drains...”
Dad reads on.
“Please,”
I reply.
“The
electrics,” Dad changes course. “I think we know what we got with
the electrics,” he mumbles.
No,
I think, YOU know. I haven't got a clue what you're talking about,
but asking will only elongate the evening's proceedings and I doubt
I'll retain any of it in half an hour's time.
Mum
stands. “Doesn't he say it seems to be a modern... system or
something?”
“Well
he doesn't know that it's been rewired; I'm surprised he
doesn't actually mention the question of rewires.” Dad stares into
the paperwork, a vast chasm of formal terms and heavy legal language,
and in that second, somewhere between the ageing Times New Roman and
his vocal cords, there's something of an epiphany, a realisation.
“Oh, well, I say 'rewired,' It's gonna have been added to over the
years, but a hundred and twenty years ago they would only have had
one... socket in, wouldn't they?”
Mum
hasn't moved from the table, now standing over Dad as he muses.
“Uh-huh.”
“A
hundred and twenty years ago they might not have had any sockets in.”
“Uh-huh.”
Dad
is in danger of extrapolating, of musing on the many possibilities
that might have occurred, and once he begins, we know- Mum and I-
that it's hard to get him back on course with the facts.
House
Discussion 2
“Gutters.
And they're all looking up the... yeah. Okay.” He reads on. “We'll
insure both party walls... yeah, okay. That's, uh, we're gettin' a
builder in to look at the, uh, a roofer to look at everything. Cavity
ties.” Dad makes a popping noise as he thinks. He can't think
without that short exhalation of breath. “Yeah, well, I mean, what
do you think about having the cavity ties, uh, reviewed? Y'know, you
can whip one out and have a look at it.”
There's
a pause as Mum stares into the varnished oak of the dining room
table. “How much money do you want to spend before you decide to
buy it?” She chuckles lightly as she asks this, tremors of
exasperation and impatience in her voice. “I don't know.”
“Well,
how much would it cost to actually have the job done?” Dad is oblivious to Mum's dwindling patience. He knows,
of course, that if anyone in this room could guess a price, it's him. “I don't
think it's a big job but some firms are talking about big sums of
money, but...”
I've
heard Dad say this before. It shouldn't be a big job. Without
fail, it always turns
out to be a bigger job than he anticipates.
“Bearing
in mind,” Mum says, like the dining room is actually a board room,
her years in education management evident in her delivery, “that
the surveyor puts down everything
that could potentially be a problem...”
“Uh-huh.”
He stares into the thick wad of formal paperwork, a cross-examination
of property-related questions to which I sure as shit don't have
answers. They're all surveys that are required, searches of various
types to be done by people who's jobs I would never understand,
structural issues to be assessed... problems that will take way
longer than I'll be given to solve.
Hence,
now approaching 37, I'm asking my retired parents to help. Or am I? I
raised the idea of moving out. They found the property we're now
trying to get me into. And they are driving the move-out process. The
reality is, of course, I couldn't do this without them. Not even the
beginnings.
“Because
he has to cover himself.” Mum leans back in her chair, formal,
convinced in herself.
Somewhere
in the kitchen an electrical appliance is beeping, something that
wasn't there when I was living with them.
I have to move out of my flat. My neighbour, an apparent heroin
dealer if recent graffiti is anything to go buy, burgled me six
months ago. The police couldn't find the evidence, so he's still
living in a flat a few doors down. I saw him on the street a few
hours before it happened- he was asking me about what he'd seen
through my kitchen window, probably from the footpath behind my
house, that he uses to walk his dog.
He
doesn't have that dog any more. Pets aren't allowed in these flats. I
guess Housing nailed him for that, at least.
A
few months ago my dad showed me an estate agent advert for a place a
mile or so away, just before the Saddleworth border. We took a look
around, and, for once, there didn't appear to be anything wrong with
it. Solidly built, owner only moving out to move in with his missus,
in a nice area... it seemed perfect.
I
was waiting for the problem. There always is one.
“Bearing
in mind it's an a hundred-and-twenty-year-old house,” Dad says.
Mum
vocalises in agreement.
“And
if there are cavity ties... I mean, there is a dispute, really,
between the current owner, who thinks it's...”
A
great night of piano house and old school tracks from Retro Events. I managed to say hi
to Russ Morgan and Paul Roberts, the remaining group members, at the
end of the night.
I
told them I saw them in Ampersand in 2008... and that I lost my
virginity to someone I met that night. Couldn't have done it without
you, guys.
On
the blog: a trip to Gorilla to see K Klass. In the city: a few things...
New
meetup group Manchester 20s - 30s opens.
The organiser has only bought the 50 member-limit package on meetup
but she's set up a
Facebook group to
continue the organising. Seems an effective cost-saving technique to
me as Meetup can get expensive if you're paying for the group.
On
Saturday night I'll be at VIVA nightclub
for the Manchester heat of Miss Swimsuit UK 2019. Think gorgeous girls in
bikinis, a smart club, and a swarm of reality TV stars. I'm going
with Manchester Cool Bars and Clubs. Tickets
are £20 on the door. There are some online but I'm not sure how to
access them. Anyway, Manchester Cool Bars are meeting in nearby Dog Bowl before diving into the club.
It
was great catching up with people I hadn't seen in ages, along with
some regular friends. I'm friends with the organiser of this group,
and I'm one of the hosts, so I want to be clear at this point that
the criticisms I'm about to make are about specific individual
attendees, not the group itself. I've talked to a lot of cool people
who are relaxed, decent people who talk and listen, who chat to
anyone, and are generally positive people. But I find that the bigger
the meetup, the more I bump into difficult, needlessly critical,
arrogant people who don't listen and don't have the level of social
skills that you'd expect from someone in their late 20s or early 30s.
But then, you find that in every sphere of life, I guess.
You
might have seen next week's Saturday night meetup with Manchester
Cool Bars and Clubs, which I'm hosting, to
Viva for the Manchester heat of Miss Swimsuit UK,
a competition held across the UK every year. I've been ripped by a
few people- usually guys- for running this meetup. It's been slated
as misogynistic, (despite the CEO, the costume designer, the DJ and
most of the judges being women) and that me running that event makes
me look bad. I've explained that, at nearly 37 years old, I'm past
giving a fuck about what some arrogant bloke from Oldham thinks. Or
anyone else, for that matter.
I
would still recommend people give this a shot. Among the group I
found people who liked my kind of music, who I might be doing other
nights out with soon.
Saturday
night saw another big meetup, held by Manchester Megamix.
we met in Tusk in the Northern Quarter, a small bar which we filled,
and again was a mixed bag. Some great, cool people, and some
difficult ones: in the latter case the same people, in fact, whom I'm
convinced use Meetup as a crux to hold up a semblance of a social
life, as nobody will invite them to anything else.
Arseholes
aside, I'd still recommend people give Meetup a shot. It's growing by
the day as people try it out.
Away
from Meetup, I read Cowboys and Aliens, a graphic novel which was
made into a movie a few years ago. I found it at Manchester comic
fair for a quid, so I wasn't expecting a masterpiece. I thought,
there must me more than just cowboys and aliens beating the crap out
of each other, right?
Hmm.
Very silly. I checked out the movie adaptation starring Daniel Craig.
Also
dumb. Lazers blow up a wooden saloon, but don't set fire to the parts
that weren't in the immediate beam? If you're going to do 'sci-fi,'
get the 'sci' part right.
I
gather Hanna Eliza from Love Island had something to do with it, although I didn't
see her all night.
I
had a few phone problems and the videos I shot didn't come out, but
the catwalk segment featuring the clothing range went down well, with
gorgeous models provided by M Models Management and accompaniment from teen
dance troupe Centre Stage
providing the dancers.
To
celebrate the launch, Mirror Image Style were giving away £500 of
goods in a free raffle. To enter: post a picture of yourself on
social media and tag any of the night's sponsors. Winner: Jordi Leigh!
A
short week ahead as Easter kicks in at the end! Good Friday will be,
um, good, as Meetup group Young Professionals in Manchester
are dropping into sunny Castlefield for a few early evening scoops.
Join us in The Wharf from 7pm
onwards.
Sunday
night sees 90s dance group K-Klass
playing in Gorilla.
I
know from experience, though, that putting these on Manchester Cool
Bars won't have a massive response, but- great news- I've been made
admin on Young Professionals in Manchester, a bigger, more popular
group that allows for a bit more variety. Whether people there are
into house music, who knows. I've asked in the discussions, but my
experience has been that people don't check those comments.
Last
night I polished off Road to Perdition: Detour, the third in a
trilogy of graphic novels following '30s gangster Michael O'Sullivan
as he runs from the Chicago mob with his young son. It's another
great, tense instalment, but it's weakened by a stupid scene in which
Michel robs a police station, and all the cops hand over their guns
instead of shooting him in the chest. It kinda reminded me of that
scene at the end of Naked Gun 33+1/3.
Other
than that, it's brilliant. I found a sequel at a recent comic fair-
I'm keen to see how the duo continue their adventures.
Manchester's
nightlife scene continues to nose-dive with the closure of both
Neighbourhood (due to fucking gangland stabbings and equally violent
doormen)
and Coyote Ugly, due to water
damage.
Issues aside, I liked both of them. With Artisan long gone- the
Spinningfields bar opposite Neighbourhood- the Avenue looks set to be
a ghostly alleyway for people making their way round to
Alchemist and Oast House.
I've
recently finished the book, an incredibly well-researched analysis of
36 Chambers, the debut album from hip hop collective The Wu-Tang Clan. The book begins by tracing the
origins of hip hop, and the black jazz musicians that laid the
foundations for one of the most successful groups in hip hop history,
before looking into the Wu's collective talents and how their
individual verses are tailored to make them, as rappers, stand out
from the eight other performers in the group. It takes in 1970s
Brooklyn upbringings, their home city of New York through the ages,
the lengthy number of martial arts movies many of the group idolised
(and later sampled during production) and the technology (and
occasional lack thereof) during production. It's fascinatingly
detailed and addictively written- making you want to stick on 36
Chambers for another listen, in every chapter.
A
story provided by SWNS Digital,providing
the largest broadcasters & publishers (and me) with world-class
journalism. To have your psychology-related story published, email it to me at matthewtuckey@hotmail.com.
The
average Brit treats themselves to a little of what they fancy up to
14 times a week, a study has found.
A
light-hearted poll of 2,000 adults revealed our favourite foods,
holidays and retail therapy are among the things which Brits are most
likely to give into. It also emerged one in 10 have ducked out of an
exercise class they'd previously booked or swerved the gym to head
for a drink or to have a meal with friends. More than 40 per cent
have given into slice of cake instead of having the fruit they’d
planned to eat. One third stay up past their bedtime to watch ‘just
one more episode’ of a box set. And another 15 per cent admitted
find it impossible to turn down the prospect of a fun night out. Yet
seven in 10 Brits are also firm believers in the phrase ‘a little
bit of what you fancy does you good.’ Another 48 per cent find that
if they allow themselves a little bit of what they want, rather than
saying no completely, their overall resolve is stronger.
The
stats emerged in a study by ZA, a new
PizzaExpress offering where pizza is
available by the slice.
ZA
is inspired by the early years of PizzaExpress, when founder Peter
Boizot (who died in December last year) first brought pizza to
the UK back in 1965 and sold, fresh, hot pizza by the slice in SoHo.
Spokesperson
Zoe Bowley said: “Giving into the goodness is incredibly common,
according to this research.
“Though
our survey has also found having a little bit of what you fancy can
do you good and can even help keep willpower stronger than trying to
resist our favourite things all the time.”
The
study also found a fifth of Brits have spent far too long in the sun
because they want to make the most of it – despite feeling they
should have already sought shade. (Guilty.)
Forty-five
per cent of adults are happy to admit they’re not very good at
resisting things they like the most. (Again, guilty.)
However,
on a positive, 36 per cent believe their resolve has increased and
become stronger as they’ve aged. (I'm failing in this regard.)
It
also emerged a third think they should be able to enjoy what they’d
like when they want it, without worrying about the consequences.
Over
40 per cent of adults find it hardest to resist temptation when
hungry (a category I fall straight into, like Galaxy chocolate
falls straight into my gob way too often), and 28 per cent
struggle if sleepy, according to the OnePoll data.
And
35 per cent are more likely to give in to temptation if they’ve had
a tough day at work or are feeling a bit stressed. (I can relate.)
As
a result, 60 per cent of respondents wish they had more willpower
(yup) with 36 per cent admitting to being jealous of others
who can resist temptation (yup).
ZA,
which translates as ‘a little bit of Pizza, a little bit of
PizzaExpress’, is based on the idea, ‘a little bit of what you
fancy does you good’.
Zoe
Bowley added: “We’re big believers in the idea that having a
little bit of what you fancy is good for you.
“These
survey findings tell us a healthy dose of balance brings us Brits
happiness.''
THE
TOP 15 WILLPOWER ‘FAILS’
1.
Eating a sweet snack instead of fruit as planned
2.
Staying up late to read because due to being so engrossed in the book
they are reading (me)
3.
Staying up past bedtime to watch ‘just one more episode’ of a
favourite boxset (me)
4.
Picking up a favourite food ‘to go’ rather than cooking as a
treat
5.
Having an extra drink on a night out instead of going home early (I
have missed the last tram more times than I would care to admit if I
could even remember)
6.
Buying lunch at work despite having something from home because it
was more appealing
7.
Spending too long in the sun because you want to make the most of it
(in 2010 my GP told me I was going to have to be very careful from
then on- I perhaps haven't been)
8.
Having an extra coffee just despite not needing the caffeine
(Monster, maybe)
9.
Having an extra slice of pizza just because (Well, hey, if I
cooked it, I'm eating the whole thing)
10.
Having a cheeky peek at an ex on social media see what they’re up
to now (I need to cut down on SM for numerous reasons, this being
one of them)
11.
Going on a night out because of FOMO(60% of my social life
exists because of this)
12.
Obsessively checking if WhatsApp messages have been read or replied
to
13.
Booking another holiday even if it’s more than budgeted (I need
other people to have money to do this with too, so it's a rarity)
14.
Cancelling a previously booked exercise class
15.
Cancelling plans to go to the gym to go to the pub instead
Last
night I read On the Road to Perdition: Sanctuary, the second
instalment of the graphic novels from Max Allan Collins and Steve
Lieber. Another great, tense, noirish chapter in the tale of a father
and son on the run from the mob.
There
isn't a lot happening on Meetup at the moment. Stay tuned though.
You
might have seen the excellent Sam Mendes movie Road to Perdition,
starring Tom Hanks in an uncharacteristically violent role.
It
turns out that this was adapted from the graphic novels by Max Allan
Collins, Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Josef Rubinstein.
I found some of
these at a comic fair in Manchester, but was missing the first
instalment. I managed to find it on Amazon, but when it arrived at
work it was buried in a drawer somewhere for a month or so. By the
time I'd found said opening book, I'd already found Road to Perdition
2, a sequel with all the 3 sequel books in one. So I've got somewhat of a pile
of 1930's crime dramas to chug through.
The
opening story, 'Oasis,' is a grabber- mob enforcer Michael and his
son Michael Junior are forced to flee their world after a betrayal
and the murder of their son / brother and wife/ mother. The
monochrome layout matches the noir theme, the sharp-suited gangsters
and the bitter loss of their family all add to this.
Meetup
is a website different to most other social media sites as the
emphasis is on actually meeting up in person, as opposed to arguing
with strangers on the internet. The Social Media Meetup goes
full circle, and brings people together to meet in person to then
discuss social media.
As
I'm trying to move into a PR role, this might involve SM, and as I'm
a blogger using and covering Twitter and Instagram I might benefit
from a few extra tips. You might too. The group doesn't have any
events planned as yet but the plan seems to be to start with Guest
Speakers with a Q+A session, then to move onto Social Surgery
Sessions with Mentors and your laptops (I don't have one).
Meetup
is quieter than usual at the moment, with even the big groups like
Young Professionals
seeing their attendee numbers drop and After Work Drinks disappearing
altogether. Must be the economy, or perhaps going out drinking just
doesn't appeal to many people any more. I dunno. But even when people
RSVP, a lot don't actually turn up, meaning people get booted out of
said meetup groups altogether.
I've
never understood that: why RSVP to a meetup unless you're definitely
going to go? A week ago I ran a meetup for cocktails in a
Spinningfields bar. 10 people said they'd come. Other than me, there
was one attendee on the night. What's happening here? Are people
changing their minds? Forgetting? RSVPing but not actually
committing?
Whatever
the case, my enthusiasm for Meetup is starting to wane. I'm tired of
being let down. I'm tired of 10 people saying they're going to do
something, then being left stood on my own, or with only one other
person. I realise getting angry won't solve anything- this is the way
people are. They have busy lives, and the click of a mouse isn't
going to fix a date in their minds. The calendars that we all have on
our phones go largely unused. (Mine doesn't- I rely on it daily.) But
with big changes in my life coming up, which I'll discuss another
time, I don't need the added stress of trying to organise nights out
only to be stood up on the day.
There
is one other thing: Theatre Impossible on Peter St. I've been a
good number of times since it opened early last year. The extreme,
crazy stage shows featuring sword-sallowing contortionists and
faux-lesbian
sploshing
scenes are eye-opening (and frequently eye-watering) at first, but
even they can get repetitive after a while. I've been keen to try
other places. Friday night was the last time.
I
was searched when I went in, which I never have a problem with. The
doormen claim they found 'contraband' on me. He wouldn't tell me what
it was, and I sure as shit didn't have anything on me, but he claimed
it went in the drug bin.
Right.
That
night some 'hip hop MCs' performed a 'rap battle,' which was only a
sibilance-infected babble-fest featuring two talentless bastards. I
walked out. I won't be back.
