N-Dubz in Covert Gym Brainwash Scandal‏

“I’ve gone to dark places for days when I’ve seen our music videos have dropped off the TV airplay charts.”

N-Dubz front man Dappy, to the Guardian, Sunday 20th February, 2011.

The manager of my local gym is very clever.

The TV screens have been showing a very cheesy music station which- for some ridiculous reason- occasionally shows documentaries following spoiled-brat popstars around their oh-so-important lives, watching them visit/shun parties and going to “work” in their local studio.

A recent episode followed N-Dubz around LA as Dappy, Faiser and Tulisa, the group members, attempted to break the US scene. How they have become so popular in Britain is beyond me, as the girl is the only one with any actual talent, so how they could ever make a dent in America- don’t ask me. But then, if there are morons over here who buy their records…

I looked around the gym while the TV blared Dappy’s mug and his absurd outlook on life (shunning network meetings, hiding in the recording studio, badly re-enacting dance routines from semi-famous music videos). Nobody was watching the screens. The other patrons were in their twenties or older, focussing.

Then it hit me.

Mr. Gym Manager. You genius. You have picked the most annoying TV station possible- yet one that looks like it fits in a gym environment. We, the customers, don’t like this music- and you know it. We get irritated. This irritation, throughout the many sessions at the gym, grows into full-on pop-hatred. This hatred turns to anger, and this anger causes us to smash out more effort, run faster, lift heavier weights and do more reps.

This results in a better level of fitness. At the end of each month, we’re getting our money’s worth at the gym and can see real results.

The manager knows that if we pay aurally as well as monetarily, we will end up fitter individuals. We’ll get to the year-end and think, actually, I’m doing pretty well with the gym. I’d better renew my membership. And we won’t even realise it. Or will we?

On a separate note: N-Dubz's Wikipedia page makes HILARIOUS reading. Whatever bad-boy persona Dappy may have attempted to conjure up is utterly blown out of the water.