Making Dannii Minogue Nervous

There comes a moment for some when you realise your obsession with celebrity has gone too far.

For me, that was Friday, 30^th September in WHSmiths in Manchester’s Arndale Centre. I was in a queue: a big queue full of teenage girls and -presumably gay- teenage boys. I was going to meet Dannii Minogue.

Dannii, pop star, sister of Kylie, current X Factor judge, and actress was springboarded to fame by Aussie soap Home and Away. She’s since had 20 years worth of reasonable success in pop, although I can’t name a single one of her songs.

Dannii was in town signing her new book, My Style. I got one of the last wristbands to allow entry to the signing. The queue was sloooowwww. Most of us were sat on the floor of the Arndale walkway for hours. My arse went numb. I read a huge chunk of James Ellroy’s Blood’s a Rover. A lady from WHSmiths dished out cupcakes so we didn’t resort to cannibalism.

It occurred to me, sat on the hard marble floor surrounded by girls half my age, that I had some shit to address. Why am I so obsessed with celebrity? I don’t know Dannii Minogue’s music. I hate soaps. X Factor is terrible. Why am I drawn to famous people? And why Dannii? Not to mention- the book is a largely photo-based description of women’s fashion! I need. To confront. This obsession.

A plan: If I can give my blog card to Neil Strauss, Danny Dyer and Pete Burns, I can give it to Dannii Minogue. Hi Dannii. I’m a blogger, and I bang on about all the celebrities I meet. I also write about this city. How are you finding it here?

The queue crawled forward. Butts shuffled sideways. I got through the door. Her bodyguard clocked me- this guy’s straight. He kept a firm eye on me.

She signs the book. The girl from Smiths takes our picture. There’s a pause. I lock eyes with Dannii. She keeps smiling to mask how nervous she clearly suddenly feels.

Then I thank her and walk off.

Damn.

An afterthought: why didn’t I get it signed to my sister? She’d have appreciated it. And it would be one less Christmas present to buy. I always think of these things too late. But on a more positive note, how fit is Dannii?!