Bank Holiday Rap for NaPoWriMo

BANK HOLIDAY COMES SIX TIMES A YEAR
DAYS OF ENJOYMENT TO WHICH EVERYONE CHEERS
BANK HOLIDAY COMES WITH A SIX PACK OF BEER
....THEN ITS BACK TO WORK A.G.A.I.N.

-Bank Holiday, Blur

I used all my knowledge and all my verbal tools

To think up a self-depreciating April Fools

The plan backfired because of its transparency

Our senses of humour seemed to have a disparity

Well with Facebook messages, there isn't an eraser

And what do I look like, a male Mother Teresa?

But then when I got home, hmm, how ironic,

I had to slip an Ibuprofin into my tonic

My head was gonna split to two halves from a whole,

And my throat swelled up like a horse's arsehole

So instead of hitting Milton Club for an event called Marquee,

The only thing I hit was the pillow for some sleep.

Its a good job I did, I needed rejuvenating

for the following night, and the moves that I'd be making

Going to a rave in a renovated church

Where, up on the alter in an elevated perch,

The DJ Carl Cox wouldn't stumble or falter

mixing techno and house from the booth at the alter.

The weekend's remainder was pretty subdued,

A few quiet drinks was all I could do.

I missed on Pianoman, I missed on Static,

I missed on Stu Allen, I just couldn't hack it.

I missed out on Sankeys as I didn't get a ticket,

And they'd sold out by that time so I was gonna have to miss it.

I suggested The Mill to see Miguel Campbell,

But no-one had heard of him, so that went down like an anvil.

But at the last minute, I found a winning deal,

And my mate came out to meet me for some drinks in Spinningfields.

Oh, a little bit of gossip, I don't know if you've heard this,

But The Lawn Club and Alchemist are being refurbished.

So that was my week, and another begins,

and I must return to work for all of my sins...