Hatchet Job and nights out- rapped

 Dollar Mondays only had thirty attendees

I've never seen Tiger Tiger looking so empty

You know you need to give your head a proper good wobble

When you pay more for orange juice than you do for a bottle

If you're looking for birds, blokes and floosies

You're best off sticking with Taboo Tuesdays

Same target market, same large venue

Not the weekend so you won't see a hen do

Or stripey-jumpered hooligans or gypsies or psychos

Just mild-mannered students on the nights that I go

So if you want to check it out and meet some new friend,

Keep your eye on Cool Bars as we'll probably go again.

Socialite tomorrow night, another student do,

Cool Bars are going and you should do too!

Come and join us for the fifty-second Thursday

Socialite's celebrating on it's first birthday!

Join the meetup and get in next to me,

Meet loads of fit people and the odd celebrity.

Meeting next door in Albert's Schloss

Ready for the party of the week. BOSH!

If midweek partying is too much of a drama

Come out on Saturday and meet me in Sakana

All I ask if you wanna meet me,

Just log onto the site and RSVP

The bar's a great place if you need a starter

but the venue gets wild from thereon after

Pan Asian bar with incredible design,

serving beers and spirits and wine

Live sax accompanying the house music

I've shown you how to use the site... now use it!

Bear with me here, to the point I must get

Nothing to fear, just a change of subject

Continuing the post without changing mode:

a review of a book by Mark Kermode

If you recognise the name you probably knew

It's the bloke with the quiff off Newsnight Review

Sarcastic film critic, that's his job

I just read his book called Hatchet Job

A witty account of film criticism

When he trashes a film, do you agree with him?

Do film critics always think they're above it?

His prose makes the sixteen-year-old in me love it.

I always wondered why some films get slated

while some are ignored and some are overrated

Filled with anecdotes and life lessons,

It's a pleasant and humorous account of the profession.

And so I must think of a couple more words and use 'em

to bring this dodgy rap verse to a conclusion.