A
powerful new mental health book featuring personal experiences from
men and their partners urges the male half to open up - not ‘man
up’.
Big
Boys Don’t Cry? contains 60 individual anecdotes from men working
in a diverse range of careers from lawyers, postmen and soldiers to
construction workers, Big Issue sellers and elite sports stars.
It
covers the varying causes of their mental illness, from loss and
bereavement, childhood bullying and a chemical imbalance to the
violence of war, breakdown of a marriage and sexual abuse.
The
self-help book, curated by two former school friends Patrick Addis
and Fabian Devlin, is published on Wednesday during Mental Health
Awareness Week.
England
Ashes hero Marcus Trescothick, a
trailblazer in sport for discussing his mental health, is among the
contributors.
He
said: “Too many men are suffering in silence and tragically taking
their own lives.
"Big
Boys Don’t Cry? shines a light on a number of men who have
struggled with their mental health but who are now sharing their
story to show other men that they are not alone; that help is out
there; and that it’s time to open up, not man up.”
Another
contributor to the book is Rhodri Jones, 38, a former Manchester
United player.
He
said: “I've always been a perfectionist and a bit hard on myself -
never satisfied with my achievements.
“These
traits worked in my favour in driving me to get the high grades at
school, and also to fulfil my dream of becoming a professional
footballer with Manchester United.
“The
problem was I had wrapped up most of my identity in football, so when
injuries came along and ended my career prematurely in my early 20s
it left a deeper void in my life than it should have done.
"Those
same traits that once helped me succeed now turned against me. I felt
worthless, like I'd let everyone down.”
There
were 6,507 suicides registered in the UK in 2018, according to the
Office for National Statistics,
and three-quarters of these deaths (4,903) were among men.
This
proportional imbalance has remained the same since the mid-1990s.
Addis
and Devlin draw together 10 key lessons from the stories that can be
learned by other men (and women) to help them stay mentally healthy.
They
include talking, therapy, medication, visiting the GP, mindfulness,
exercise, self-acceptance, avoiding alcohol and drug abuse, faith and
hobbies.
The
book has been endorsed by Stephen Fry, who is well known for
discussing his mental health.
He
said: “A brave and important book, providing a source of comfort
and hope to anyone struggling with their mental health.”
Top
10 lessons by men, for men:
1.
Talking – without doubt the most important step you can take.
2.
Therapy – following naturally on from ‘talking’ is the
advice from men to seek counselling.
3.
Combining prescribed medicine with another of the activities
found on this list, especially talking therapy, is recommended as the
best approach.
4.
Visit your GP – often one of the first steps that the men in
the book took.
5.
Mindfulness – the simple act of focusing on your breathing
and learning to be present – not ruminating on the past or worrying
about the future
6.
Exercise – whether it’s an individual activity like
running, going to the gym or taking a yoga class - or a team sport
7.
Self-Acceptance/Self-Compassion – learning to tame your
inner-critic and accept yourself for who you are
8.
Avoid Alcohol or Drug Abuse
9.
Faith – having a belief in something greater than yourself -
be it God, Buddha, Allah or another higher power - is a great comfort
to many of those who shared their story.
10.
Hobbies – finding something to be passionate about - just to
distract yourself from the ‘grind in your mind'
Ten
per cent of proceeds from the book will go to mental health charities
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) and
Mind.
