Renegade Psych Patient

I’ve been on 15mg of Mirtazapine, for depression, for about 4 years, with a year before that spent on other mental health drugs. Has it worked? 

Hard to tell. I’m certainly more confident, but then, is that due to antidepressants? Doubtful. Time spent with professionals in the NHS, and weekly sessions with men’s group Andy’s Man Club have been the dual driving factors in overcoming the problems I’ve had. I think it’s time to come off them. 

My GP explained that antidepressants wouldn’t make me any braver, but would stop my mood from dipping. So, how has my mood been? During the pandemic, I’ve actually been okay. Aside from stressing about my family’s safety, and aside from other people’s idiocy with lockdown breaches and, later, anti-vaxx sentiment, I’ve kept positive. I’ve kept busy with self-imposed fun projects. But as were were in a pandemic, I didn’t see any benefit to changing my medication routine. 

The lockdown has long-since been lifted, and the government have released their ‘Living With Covid’ (i.e. ‘Dying with Covid’) plans. It’s a clusterfuck. Daily deaths are still in 3 figures. 38 million out of 66 million people have received their booster. There’s no vaccine mandate and vaccine passport plans were scrapped. 

But whatever. For the forseeable, things are not going to get any better. So why come off Mirtazapine? 

The main reason is, I’m fat. I’m always hungry, as Scarface’s Alvira Hancock would say, and should try starving. I touched 90kg a few weeks ago. I’m currently 83kg. 

I reckon if I went down to half-dose first, my sleep would be disrupted for the first few nights, but it would soon settle. My appetite would start to decrease to something reasonable. I could fit back into my suit trousers. My cardio would improve (it’s terrible right now). From the age of 17 I’ve always done something for fitness: boxing, weights, Muay Thai, Mixed Martial Arts, occasional running. I’m still a regular gym-goer, but a lot of my personal bests are years old. I just can’t get back to where I was in my early 30s. 

I turn 40 at the end of July. I’d like to be off mental health meds by then.