Matt Tuckey is a writer from Oldham, England. He covers celebrities, night life, Manchester, fitness, creative writing, social media, psychology and events. Some of this may, in some way, help others. Or maybe it'll just entertain you for a while.
Bought my last junk food for the foreseeable. Didn’t actually specify that I was going to cut that out, but I will now. Current weight: 82.7kg. I’d like it to go down, but let’s be realistic here.
Went to Newcastle for the Comic Con. Did a lot of walking around. One drawback to memory difficulties: if I go to an unfamiliar place, like Newcastle, I’m going to park somewhere. I have to take pictures of the car, the street signs and the surrounding areas. I’ve also got to make sure there are no parking issues. Blue Badge has its benefits, but it doesn’t mean I can park anywhere. Bit of stress finding the car after dark in a strange city. I also need to make sure that my phone and external battery are as charged as possible. Running out of power means all the photos, notes and maps are inaccessible. If that happens, I’ve really screwed the pooch.
I really should learn how to drop a pin on Google Maps.
Wednesday: tried to go to some kind of mindfulness session in Hathershaw in Oldham, but couldn’t find the building. Not the safest or cleanest of places, nor with the best signage. Mum told me about it. Alas, Google Maps took me to a dilapidated building on a council estate. I didn’t hang around.
Throughout the week I polished off the remnants of a bottle of Talisker that I’ve had for over a decade. Aldi’s latest Ballycastle release – Chocolate Malt Biscuit – was a bit of a misfire.
After Saturday 26th’s Comic Con North East , a great small event, I had a wander around the Toon and stumbled across The Discovery Museum, full of artefacts and mock-ups celebrating Newcastle’s history. The exterior may be currently covered in scaffolding but the inside is very much a complete experience. Free, too. Modern design, fascinating finds.
Alan Ford came up 25th from London to Newcastle and got a curry. The city, he tells us, was always known for pretty girls.
I concur. I, on the other hand, got up at 6am on Saturday 26th and drove up, getting to the Utilita Arena just in time for the opening of the doors and the start of Comic Con North East. There was a bit of stress at that point when I realised Ticketquarter hadn’t actually sent me my tickets, but my name was on their system for both entrance and photo, so there were no issues.
83-year-old Ford is possibly best known as cockney hard man Brick Top from Guy Ritchie’s 2000 gangster movie Snatch.
But we’ll get into that.
The compare tells us Newcastle still has that aesthetic reputation (he’s right). Then we dive into Ford’s screen roles.
COMPARE: Between movies and TV, is there a different approach?
AF: No. For stage there is, but not screen.
The mic goes out to the audience, where we start with American Werewolf in London, the 1981 horror comedy.
AF: Good memory! I drive the taxi to Trafalgar Square. The transformation into the werewolf (that David Naughton’s David is subjected to) was the best on film. The director (John Landis) wasn’t known at the time; I just thought it was ‘another film.’
COMPARE: Must be tough.
AF: No, when they’re not offering work, *that’s* tough.
COMPARE: You seem to do a lot of gangster roles.
AF: In theatre I’ve done all sorts, but better to be typecast than not cast. I like doing other stuff. They pay me to be Brick Top. I’m not complaining. Lock Stock and Snatch were next to each other (1998 and 2000 respectively).
An audience member admits he was too young to be watching Lock Stock and Snatch when they first saw it.
AF: Young lads who weren’t born when those films came out, they ask me to swear at them.
COMPARE: Can you do it now?
AF: Thank you for being here, but you’re a cunt. You never know how they’re gonna take it, but they take it well.
Ford has a history of working with Guy Ritchie throughout the late 90s and 00s.
AF: I met Guy Ritchie on Lock Stock, and auditioned for him. He told me to do another scene, so I did, then he changed it again. I said, I can’t be fucked about. So they stuck with the first one. But scene when it had to be on film was going to be 4 hours long.
COMPARE: What is it about the gangster genre that attracts people?
AF: Lock Stock kicked it off, 27 years ago.
(I would argue Reservoir Dogs did 5 years before that.)
AF: I’m still getting a living off it.
COMPARE: You grew up in that (London) world. You knew those characters.
AF: I grew up south of the river (Thames). The Richardson Brothers (rivals to The Kray Twins) were around. The guys you saw had a way of walking and talking.
AUDIENCE QUESTION: Was there any role that you were passed over for?
AF: Fucking thousands of them. I watch stuff thinking, I could have done that!
COMPARE: Was there a role in particular?
AF: I don’t want to fucking think about it! I love doing comedy. I worked with Steve Coogan. I did The Darling Buds of May with David Jason. I’d sold a guy a boat but it was half sank in the canal. I played a dame in pantomime, which is nothing like me. The key is being good at what you’re offered. Once I did Snatch, directors will say ‘do you want to put your own spin on it?’ But on Snatch, every line was written by Guy Ritchie.
AQ: Do you prefer being someone different?
AF: I like being away from myself. I wouldn’t take writing away from someone, even if it’s bad.
COMPARE: With TV, is there less room to manoeuvre?
AF: 2 years ago I was in Eastenders. There, there was less wiggle room. There was an offer that came to me. I did 1 episode in the 80s when it started, with Wendy Richard. I wanted to do a part with Barbara Windsor. I was supposed to be her boyfriend. It was a good thing I didn’t because Lock Stock and Snatch came up. Then I got Eastenders for the role of Billy Mitchell’s dad.
COMPARE: Soaps are like ‘fast movies.’ Which do you prefer?
AF: I’ve grown up with movies, so I prefer the pace. The pace of soaps was too much. I’d come back for a family wedding though.
COMPARE: How does 88-year-old Alan Ford fill his time?
AF: I write. I wrote a novel 20 years ago, based on true events. My favourite time is sitting in the pub with other actors, chatting, who’s sleeping with who. I’ve an idea to write a novel with all these anecdotes, all happening to 1 character.
COMPARE: Any advice for actors?
AF: Don’t have another string to your bow. If you wanna be an actor, be an actor. “I’m doing this. Fuck everything else.”
COMPARE: What’s next?
AF: I’ve just had a big disappointment. Some producers were doing an animated comedy on a rough estate. I was the grandmother. The BBC turned it down. I hope it moves on. We’re all a bit sick of BBC, aren’t we?
Yes.
COMPARE: Anything you haven’t done that you’d like to?
AF: I’ve done the dancing, the criminals, Bergerac. I love doing comedy with Steve Coogan.
After the Q+A came the photo op. I was the last in the queue. Ford got us to laugh on cue. What a character!
Small but fun con. I wasn’t familiar with any of the other guests, but here’s what the rest of it looked like…
I missed the last of Hinterland’sJournaling Club nights because it clashed with the recent solar eclipse – I’d seen that from Hartshead on the Oldham / Ashton border. This time, on the 23rd, I got some food and got seated, just about. Popular event. The theme this time:
THE SPACE BETWEEN
Organiser Fi asks the group, when an event happens, what do I do before I react? What occurs in that space?
The first writing prompt of the night:
WHEN I HAVE TO WAIT, I FEEL
Usually impatient. I’m not a good waiting person. My normal reaction to these times is, ‘can I use this time to my advantage? Can I read? Write? Or am I going to reach for my phone as per?’ Why do I feel this discomfort with inaction? I’ve wasted so much time on the internet over the years, why do I have this horrible feeling of life slipping away from me? Just because I have to wait and have nothing to keep me busy?
Also, why am I forgetting how to chew? I’ve nearly choked about 8 times this week.
-
Next up, a discussion and a few pointers on the board:
Culture of immediacy
Speed = value?
Waiting as an active process
Something happens [gap] response
Space
Not avoidance
Next, a 6-minute prompt:
‘THE SPACE BETWEEN FEELING SOMETHING AND ACTING ON IT IS…’
In that space, what kicks into effect is known as ‘inner game.’ Inner game is like your metaphorical ‘engine under the hood,’ your psychology, your ability to regulate your own emotions, act on them? Will you steady your breath, pause, analyse the situation and deal with it in an appropriate manner?
Sometimes, responding immediately can mean you react angrily, based on emotion, lacking critical thinking. But other times, you can pause, plan to speak up properly about someone’s behaviour, but then end up putting it off, stewing on it. Where’s the middle ground for this?
Am I starting to sound like The Log Lady from Twin Peaks?
-
Next up on the board, the title:
SPACE IS VALUE
Under this, a list of prompt words.
NOW
DISTANCE
MOMENT
STILL
HOLD
SOON
LATER
ECHO
CREATE
EVENTUALLY
SEASON
HESITATE
PAUSE
In a 10 minute burst, we wrote something with these words as prompts, on the theme of ‘Space is Value.’ I decided to make it extra difficult for myself and put it into rhyme.
And that is as far as I got in the time we had. I read it out to the group; they seemed to like it.
Great to be back at Hinterland’s events. I’ve missed being creative, and I’ve missed their food too. I also listed the event on the Manc Mates meetup group and got a couple of attendees. No confirmation if they were at the actual event.
On the blog: a review of the small but fantastic Comic Con North East that took place over the weekend. I was there on Saturday. I’m on leave today to write it all up. Found a good museum too. I’ve also got a write-up of a recent journaling event, and an update on this ridiculous Excess project.
I had some plans for the year of being 44 but forgot to include 1 thing that it seems is once again necessary: an ‘Excess Month’ involving a load of drinking.
I have a cupboard full of alcohol, mostly whiskies, and genuinely have no space for more. Quite a few of these bottles are about 7/8ths empty. It’s time to make a bit of space by drinking it as much as possible.
What an enjoyable challenge!
I may crack open the Get High Now Without Drugs book and see if there are any potential experiments I could attempt, and power through a few books and movies on that theme too. There are other books in my To Be Read pile that fit the theme quite well. I might also try to get to some conventions that are a little further afield, requiring a hotel.
I’m going to try to counter the onslaught of my liver with plenty of fruit and vegetables. I currently weigh 81.8kg. For fitness I’ll largely be trying to beat a dips record of 170. I doubt I will, but it’s a great movement for watching films. The bar is already set up in front of the TV.
Wednesday: Journal Club returns to Hinterland in the Northern Quarter for a night of writing. There’s usually prompts, with 10 minute writing bursts and the opportunity to share your writing with the group. Meetup group Manc Mates are attending – there’s 2 of us at the time of writing.
Hinterland is a great, cosy restaurant serving vegan food, no alcohol and a quiet atmosphere. The antidote to today’s hectic Manchester environment.
I’ll be starting a new month-long project on Saturday that should keep me very busy. And drunk.
But before the alcohol consumption begins… a trip up north to Newcastle for a Monopoly Events convention. Comic Con North East sees a range of TV and movie stars fly in, including Alan Ford, or Brick Top from Snatch. That’s who I’ll be meeting.
I’ll probably have a wander around the city too afterwards. Amazing place.
Todmorden Book Festival starts Friday with Jack Reacher creator Lee Child opening the proceedings at the town’s Hippodrome. Intriguing.
It all seems to go downhill from there with a roster of obscurities, the only other anomaly being former Chancellor Jeremy Hunt, which has raised a few eyebrows over socials. I work in healthcare AND I have a disability. I don’t remember his policies helping me or my clients. Quite the opposite, in fact.
