I was
on TV (again) last month! Last November I took part in Sky Living’s
cringe binge show, Sing Date.
I
saw a tweet asking for people to take part. I don’t actually have
Sky, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. But I figured,
I’m young, single and one hellufan attention-seeker, so I had
nothing to lose. I told the producers my singing style was like Brian in Family Guy, and my dating style was, well, disastrous frankly. I discussed the
array of crazies I’ve dealt with throughout my adult life (see here,
here
and here)
and the large periods of time when I had neither nutters nor normal
women on the scene.
Suffice
to say, they were fascinated, and after doing a bit of singing over
the phone, I was narrowed to one of eight men to be chosen from by
the mysterious picker, Bella, to sing a duet and possibly even go on
a date with.
Next
up was a spot of home webcam singing, using the SingSnap karaoke package. This was hard on numerous levels. Figuring out how
to open and start Sing Snap required Bill Gates-level computer
literacy, or at least over-the-phone tuition from the producers at
Princess TV. Once we’d overcome this hurdle I sang alternate lyrics
for a duet with Bella, to be edited together at a later date. Bella
had picked You to Me are Everything, by the Real Thing, which was a
HARD, high-pitched song.
My
voice cracked a few times, but I gave it my best shot. After this, I
sang a song on my own. I chose You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling by
The Righteous Brothers, largely because I think it’s an awesome
song. I’m sure most Top Gun fans will agree.
Having
said that, a colleague of mine did point out that such a sad song is
probably not the best one to pick if you’re trying to encourage
someone to get "that loving feeling” for you.
Sending
the recorded file also took a few attempts, but we got there in the
end.
Despite
Righteous Brothers not being the most ideal choice, Bella still
picked me out of the eight guys to sing the duet with. I had a
date... in London!
I asked if the lyrics for the London section could be put up in the studio somewhere as
there was no way I could hold them all in my head.
Days
later, the crew came up to Oldham to film an introductory segment- a
little glimpse of the crazy world of Matt Tuckey. At their request,
I’d written a love poem- a sort-of rap verse about Sing Date. We
then darted across Oldham to various locations so I could recite this
poem on camera. We found a few places near Scouthead in Saddleworth,
known for its impressive views of the whole of Greater Manchester. So
there’s a scene of me rapping sat on a field gate, whilst a horse
looks nonchalantly on, rapping on some Victorian-era stone steps and
rapping with Heartshead Pike in the background.
The
fact that my writing has- in theory- made it onto TV is possibly what
I’m most proud of out of the whole thing. I'll post the poem up
here soon.
The
next step in my foray into televisual entertainment: I got booked
onto a £200 last-minute train and fired off on a 2-hour journey to
London, courtesy of Princess TV.
Princess
had arranged a taxi for me at Euston, but it hadn’t occurred to me
that Euston would be HUGE and there would be four long streets that
the taxi could be waiting on. I managed to get in touch with the
driver eventually by phone, and he took me to the very swanky media
area of the city, where Princess’ offices nestled alongside their
competitor companies. They took awesome care of me, offering me LOADS
of food and bottled water. I was kept away from Bella throughout the
day whilst events took place, until the last minute. I was shown the
new song I’d be singing as a duet in the studio: Everything I Do (I
Do It for You) by Brian Adams.
The staff set me up in the office with
a computer, headphones and the Sing Snap application, so whilst they
got on with their office work, I sat in the corner blasting my lungs
out to early-nineties pop. Bizarre.
Next
up: voice coaching. Female Voice Coach, a professional and
knowledgeable woman, taught me how to hit notes by twisting my accent
to a country-singer style. She had an array of unusual techniques to
get me to hit high notes, including miming a game of basketball. Once
crouched and moving around, my voice could perform things it couldn’t
when I do rigid, upright. Pretty effective stuff!
When
Female Voice Coach went to train with Bella, she swapped with Male
Voice Coach, who taught me to access my abdominal muscles when
hitting high notes. We used sit-up machines, practised the higher
parts of the song and avoided going into “football supporter mode”,
i.e. wailing the hard parts. Fascinating. People pay a fortune for
this kind of thing, and I got it for free!
Eventually,
the studio deadline landed and I changed my shirt (one of a number I
brought which the production staff had ironed). All I had to do was
step into the studio with the mic, sit on the stool next to Bella and
read from the flat-screen TV behind her head. Female Voice Coach told
me I’d do great. I was given the mic and got a tap on the back as
Bryan Adams kicked in, and I walked into the studio… but the screen
wasn’t on!
Bella’s
first real sight of Matt Tuckey Esq. was a bemused-looking bloke with
a microphone, looking out into the darkness of the control room
saying, “I’ve got no lyrics. I can’t do it without lyrics.”
So we
started again and the lyrics were supplied. I sat on the stool next
to her, and we serenaded each other until the final bars. Then I was
like, “So anyway, I’m Matt…” and we started talking. It’s a
strange concept for a show, but life is strange sometimes.
“So
what do you do?” I asked.
“I’m
a police officer.”
I felt
my eyeballs pop out of my skull slightly. Then I composed myself, and
we carried on talking.
After
this, we ran through the song-and-chat again as a “safety take”-
another version of the segment for the editors to work with. And then
that was a wrap! We agreed to go for a drink in the local area and,
after checking in at the local Ibis hotel (courtesy Princess TV
again), found a pub- a proper cockney boozer- ‘round the corner
from Princess TV. We stayed there for a few scoops before heading
back to the hotel. Princess had booked us a double room each.
Although
Bella’s an awesome girl, I think we both felt the spark was missing
this time. But the experience of being part of the show was
brilliant. If you’re single and you like singing, get involved.
Although
I’d advise not leaving your phone charger plugged into the wall
when you check out, like dickhead here did. Ibis most graciously
posted it to my work address. Legends.
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