Friday, 9 February 2018

I'm out of nuts, set me free

Nothing Anastacia-related to see here.

Back on the 16thJanuary I wrote that I had bought loads of health snacks and then not eaten them. I planned not to eat any more junk food until they were all devoured.

One thing I didn't plan for, though, is the use-by date passing. Over the last few days I've brought these bags of nuts into work, checked the best-before-end, realised this had passed, and then binned them. I think having the square meals and not snacking between them, no matter how healthy those 'treats' might have been, has been more beneficial than trying to force-feed myself 'healthy' snacks. I've not really craved chocolate or Chinese food, I've had plenty of chicken stir fry and fajitas loaded with cabbage and peppers, and I've made a few attempts at making sweet jacket potatoes (not as filling as you'd imagine). So how have I fared?

I was at 86.3kg- I'm now at 82.4kg. 3.9kg down. I was at 60 dips- I now have a PB of 70. I've joined in a few more classes at the gym, and I find I put more effort in when we're all doing the same thing and there's an instructor pushing us on. I'm practising running in preparation of another Andy's Man Club Parkrun takeover- the next one being a week on Saturday.

Let's not cave in again, yeah?

Thursday, 8 February 2018

#tbt Beermats: Week 16










 









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Tuesday, 6 February 2018

Holy shit, Russell Crowe tweeted me.

Shit. Just seen the forecast: rain and snow towards the end of the week. Dry January, not that I participated, is over, but I won't be putting up many events as it's still fucking freezing.

My Ron Jeremy info made it into E-mail gossip newsletter Popbitch.

And then... this happened.


Ho. Lee. Shit. Russell Crowe, of Romper Stomper / LA Confidential / The Insider tweeted back. 2.4 million followers and this LEGEND responds to me. What a dude.

Also, so did the beautiful Tallia Storm, who's currently on Celebs Go Dating. Fantastic highbrow documentary.

So January is finally over, and the plan is to get a few more events lined up. Problem: I need to wait til payday, and it's still snowing anyway. Next week there's one thing so far.

Sunday, 4 February 2018

Molested by a Cross Dresser at a Route 94 Gig

This is not a joke.

I'd put up a Meetup with Manchester Cool Bars and Clubs some weeks ago to see house music producer Route 94 in Gorilla, organised by Sanction Events. House music nights don't get as much response on the Cool Bars page as RnB nights, and this time I got only one other RSVP, who (predictably) didn't show. I wanted to see the DJ play anyway, so I lone-wolfed it.

I got to the door at 11pm and, being a guy on my own, security predictably searched me. Obviously I had nothing untoward, and they were just doing their job, so all was well by this point. By midnight the club was full, and the music was great. I was one of the oldest people there, with the clientele being mostly 18-24, except for one very old woman who I quickly realised wasn't a woman at all.

I basically did a two-step for 3 and a half hours, enjoying the music but essentially waiting for Route 94 to start. After a few hours I felt something trying to tickle my crotch. I looked down and followed the arm up, and yes, it's that cross dresser. I told him to fuck off. I've worked in the Gay Village before and I've dealt with this from gay people a number of times; the only way to dissuade them is to be abrupt. Don't be shy or awkward about it; don't try and be nice. Just straight up tell them to get fucked.

I did consider getting the door staff. If I'd have done that to one of the girls in there- which I DEFINITELY wouldn't, for the record, The doormen would have taken me outside and beaten the shit out of me. But If I'd have gone to the door staff and told them what happened, they would have laughed in my face. So I just ignored him.

I have no doubt that women receive abuse like this a lot more than men do, but that's no reason not to speak up.

Aside from that, it was a good night. People were generally chilled out and well-mannered, and I got talking to a group of guys- one of whom had also been asked for sex by the same transvestite. Said man came back over to the group saying, “Do any of you boys wanna shag me?”

“No thank you,” I stated, speaking for the group (not that I knew, obviously).




 Cool DJs and great music. Here's me with Route 94:


At the end of the night, though, the cross dresser did walk out hand in hand with some young lad, so perhaps persistence pays off.

If you're reading this, Route 94, we were having a conversation about chips a while back.

I won't be putting any more ticketed events on Meetup as to get a good deal on prices you have to buy early, and getting people in the group to commit is too much hard work. I do want more house music nights and less RnB though so I will have to find a balance!

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Andy's Man Club Take Over Bradford Parkrun


Men's support group Andy's Man Club again takes over another Parkrun, the international public-park-based 5km dash. After the success of last month's Halifax event, AMC will return to the Parkrun scene, marshalling or running in branded AMC gear, this time in Bradford in 2 weeks today. Both of these towns provide branches of the group for men to talk about their issues, and the movement is having a great effect on people's lives and the perception of mental health in the UK.

At the Halifax event I marshalled, wearing the branded outfits and cheering on the runners. This time, I'm going to run. Yikes! I haven't ran in a long time, and when I did it was a long time since I'd ran before that. The weight I'd gained had caused a setback, shall we say, and I'm even heavier now. So here's the plan for getting fit.

I keep records of my personal bests when I visit the gym. My oldest PB- the movement that I've left unimproved upon for the longest- is, you've guessed it, running. I've not beaten my 10-minute run record since 14th May 2013, running at 14.1km/ph, a fair dash.

My second-oldest PB is chest press, at 103.75kg, set on 29th November 2014. So here's the plan: work on these two movements in every gym session, between now and the 17th. I'm very unlikely to beat the running PB, and bench probably won't happen either, but I'm aim to beat both of these, starting from 7km/ph and 5kgs respectively. I'll be at the gym 6 times a week, although 2 of those visits will be classes, not actual gym sessions. I may also throw in a few short outdoor runs on my days of too. Current body weight: 82.4kg. I'll try and get under 80kg by the 17th.

Bradford isn't exactly local to Oldham or Manchester but the camaraderie and interest between Parkrun and Andy's Man Club was fantastic last time. Members from various groups made it down It's worth getting there for 8:30am!

Friday, 2 February 2018

Reading and Robb Review

Screwball comedy, murder, cross dressers, racism, sex, infidelity, suicide... no, not another weekend on Oldham's Yorkshire St, but recurring aspects featured in the work of William Shakespeare. In January I spent a month reading a few guide books to his stories (as I sure as shit cannot be arsed trying to read the original texts), all the while attempting (again) to perform the splits.

I've tried this reading-and-splits project a number of times before, only this time I had help: Robb, an ointment for relief from pain and, weirdly, nasal congestion (something I've dealt with over the last week, if you wanted to know). Sitting down with my legs apart in front of me, with my kitchen door frame in front of my torso, I'd pull myself in closer every couple of minutes while reading a book.

I gave it a good shot, but couldn't quite beat my July '16 record of 1m 65 between my heels. 1m 62 was the closest I got. Well, I'm 35, so it's not going to be as easy as it was. I used about 2/3 of a 25 ml pot of Robb; most of this went onto my inner thighs- some under my nostrils.

It seems like I hit a plateau with flexibility, but I'm keen to give it another 2 shots with other ointments, and other books.

And on the subject of books, what did I read?

York Notes: Twelfth Night

York's straight-talking, formal GCSE-level guides clearly outline the plots, characters and themes of plays and novels. Shakespeare's Twelfth Night tells you the basics of all you need to know, but their quizzes at the end of each scene require you to have read the actual text.

Letts Explore: Othello for GCSE

Letts publishes the most accessible, clearly-presented guides with synopses, characters, themes and scene breakdowns. I prefer these.

York Notes Advanced: Othello

The advanced versions of York's books are longer and more detailed, examining the plays to A-level standard. Plot strands, themes, meanings and character analyses are that little more in-depth, but tell you everything you need to know. As a tragedy, it's a great tale of soldiers, wars, backstabbing, murder, infidelity and racism. Worth a read.

I have more reading and flexibility / exercise ideas in the pipeline, not to mention a huge pile of unread books.

Thursday, 1 February 2018

#tbt Beermats: Week 15

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