WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT.
10/10/10. Tokyo Project, Oldham's smartest club. The two rooms of the club, plus the terrace, give a capacity of 1000. Tonight, however, only one room is busy- and it's very busy. Channel 4's Dirty Sanchez has come to Oldham.
Tonight's event, “Dainton Vs Pritchard”, welcomes two Welsh lads from the post-watershed TV show Dirty Sanchez. In theme with the show, they will soon be inflicting pain on each other for our amusement. Think Jackass on crack. The moment they appear on stage, to heavy rock music, they smash bottles over each other's heads. Pritchard's body is covered in tattoos- we know this as he's wearing what appears to be a pair of Speedos and a bandanna. Dainton is carrying the event's sponsorship on his t-shirt- Dirty Sanchez are proud users of Etnies skateboarding footwear. The boyos find a fluorescent light bulb, appropriately placed in the corner of the stage. Dainton thrusts it between Pritchard's thighs in a masturbatory fashion. Eventually, he smashes it over his partner's back.
Between random bouts of karaoke, the boyos from the valleys physically abuse each other in an array of manners.
“Bungee thong” sees Pritchard wearing highly elasticated underpants. He grips onto a podium rail at the far side of the stage, as Dainton stretches the underwear right to the far door. When he releases, you can hear Pritchard scream for a second before the rock music kicks in again.
“Mousetrap cock” presumably requires no definition. The definition of Pritchard's member, however, may now be altered.
Unless you're abnormally tall, you won't see much happening on stage. Behind the clustered fans, you'll only see the performers from the torso up, which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your interest as a lot of the action happens below that area. People are balancing on the steps at the edge of the dance floor, crowding into raised areas. The room falls silent before the stunt, so after a prolonged wait, the snap of the device going off is clearly audible before the crowd's reaction booms off the walls.
A Mallett's Mallet-style word association game follows this. Prior to the show, we are told, Dainton and Pritchard both ejaculated into the same condom. Said condom is presented on stage- it could be anything in there- diluted toothpaste, milk, liqueurs. But yeah, it could be come. When Pritchard's silent pause marks him as the sore loser, the look of disappointment on his face is convincing. He really doesn't want to do this. He looks at the condom in disgust. Then he necks it like it's a Frube.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cmmorrison/1427616568/
The stage show climaxes with Dainton jamming a wooden stick into Pritchard's anus, snapping it off, removing the obstructing piece with his fingers and wiping it under Pritchard's nose.
What do you mean, you didn't know that giving someone a poo-'tache was the definition of “Dirty Sanchez?” You do now!
After the show there's a giant queue to meet the boyos. When I get to the front I refrain from dishing out my blog card to the showmen, as the club manager is standing right next to me. A few weeks ago I got a phone call from someone who sounded like a bar manager (I've worked with enough to know their distinct tone.) He'd found my card, so he must work at a club somewhere. I've been discreetly dropping them around town, including at Tokyo Project. The caller wanted to know “what I was about”- presumably to check I wasn't a businessman advertising on his turf. It could very easily be this man standing next to me. I should take the risk, but I don't. Instead I pick up a free signed Dirty Sanchez / Etnies poster. As the club photographer takes our picture, Dainton and Pritchard sign my torso with a permanent marker.
Dirty Sanchez
http://www.mtv.co.uk/shows/dirty-sanchez
Tokyo Project
http://www.tokyooldham.com/
Event Photographs
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1450150583&ref=ts#!/album.php?aid=86566&id=1450150583
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