Andy's Man Club Manchester's 4th Birthday Party

 

Great night last night for Andy’s Man Club Manchester’s 4th birthday. The support group is helping more and more men in the city area all the time, and we’re almost now reaching capacity in our Sedulo Deansgate location on Monday nights. 

In fact, on the night at least one person I spoke to said he’d make his first visit to session soon. 

Last night’s party, in the homely, brick-walled 53Two, featured a raffle (prizes donated from local restaurants and cinemas etc.), music, speeches from group members, and hot food available at the bar. All very civilised and enjoyable. 

Of course, a handful of us moved to Peaky Blinders and I ended up in Salt Dog Slims a drunken mess, reciting Fountains of Wayne’s song Stacey’s Mom into my Instagram story, returning home on the bus (which was typically diverted due to roadworks in Oldham) at about 7am. A steam room session – all I had time for before the gym closed – has levelled me out. 

Designated driver tonight, I think.

Outright Dismay with Fame Registry

I think I’m going to be sick. 

Bear with me here. Weird story. Back in 2011 another blogger challenged me to get to 15,000 page views before he did. We both ramped up our blogging and sharing over social media. In an attempt to get the upper hand, I decided to ask some people if they would retweet a link to my blog, so that their Twitter followers could see it. 

I asked authors, TV stars, movie stars, social media gurus – nobody responded. Nobody gave a shit. 

Then I asked a porn star. She retweeted. Then I asked another. She did too. These porn stars had tens of thousands of followers at the time, Twitter being an emerging platform. With each retweet, I got a bump of page views. 

Granted, these were what we’d call ‘bounces’ – people coming on to the page and immediately leaving – but a page view is a page view. Within a week I’d hit 15K views waaaay ahead of the other blogger. 

I knew I was onto something. I looked up whether anyone had stumbled across the idea of asking porn stars to help build a blog audience. It seemed no-one had, but I discovered Porn Star Tweet, a website offering an amalgamation of porn stars on Twitter, with a live update of who’s tweeting right now and an overall list of people. 

I spent a month bashing through this, asking for RTs, and I got LOADS. My page views went through the roof. Some time later I did it again to finish off the site. I checked a few years later, but the site had closed down. 

After that, I noticed another, similar site had emerged – Fame Registry. The same list of porn stars, but a bigger list, with no live feed. I made a plan to use this to do the same thing. But first, I wanted to learn touchtyping, learn shorthand, get out and find things to write about… then get the pandemic out of the way. What a ballache. 

So. 2023 rolls around, I get January out of the way (a month when I knew there’d be nothing to blog about) and then started using Fame Registry to contact porn stars. 

Unbeknown to me, I’m making a huge mistake. Here’s the text of the first tweet I’d send to each of these porn stars:  

Hi, I’m Matt, a blogger covering celebs, psychology and social media. Check out Power is a State of Mind! https://powerisastateofmind.blogspot.com/ 

I’d then attach a tweet to this one with the following text: 

I have a small favour to ask, (INSERT NAME): could you retweet my blog please? I’ll give you a good mention.  

All fairly standard and understandable. Or so I thought. That second tweet, I attached to the first. I didn’t realise this, but unless you physically type in the @ handle again, that second tweet will not notify the person you first tweeted to. Unless they scrolled down, they wouldn’t see the request. I believe this is one of the changes imposed since Elon Musk’s takeover in October ‘22. 

I’d been tweeting my request for a retweet to what I thought were hundreds of these girls, for 2 weeks, without getting a response from any. Because I’d been tweeting to myself. 

I was, at the time, putting this lack of traction down to the accounts I was tweeting to having 6 figure followings, as opposed to 5, as they usually did way back when I first tried this sort of thing 11 years ago. There are billions more users on the site than there was in 2012. Back then I found as soon as someone had over 50K followers, the chances of them retweeting you were minimal; your tweet just gets lost in the noise. But it’s still possible. 

I found, this time, a lot of inactive and suspended accounts, presumably the result of Elon Musk’s purge on adult content. But there were still a lot of valid accounts that could have retweeted… had I not been tweeting my request at myself. Hundreds of times over. 

Furthermore, the site doesn’t appear to have been updated in perhaps years. Newer performers like Mona Azar, Jessie Saint, Blake Blossom, Leigh Darby, Kazumi, Eva Elfie, Aria Tylor, Angel Youngs, Haley Spades, Slimthic Vic, Jasmine Jae, Jessica Starling, Skye Blue and Purple Bitch are all notably absent. Plus, the site is awash with spelling errors.

I can’t bear to think about this project. I can’t see any notable increase in page views. I’m left only with a bitter regret of having wasted 2 weeks of my life. 17 days of this mistake. 1 girl RT’d the wrong tweet. 3 girls liked the right one but didn’t RT. I investigated 502 accounts, tweeting to the ones that still existed, weren’t suspended and had tweeted within the last month (which were maybe half). 

The lesson to learn from this is, if you get an idea for doing something, don’t put it off. If I’d have done this years ago, before Twitter changed, I might have had more of a response from the people I was tweeting to. 

What a regrettable scenario. And I wonder why I’m still single.

Andy’s Man Club Manchester Turns 4

Men’s support group Andy’s Man Club has gone from a humble coffee meeting in Halifax in 2015 to 118 groups nationwide, with another 2 opening soon. The aim: reduce the suicide rate in men. Suicide is currently the biggest killer of men under 45 in the UK. 

The Manchester branch of AMC celebrates its 4th birthday this Friday. Deansgate bar 53Two holds host to the proceedings, which will feature ‘a raffle and prizes to be won from local organisations. All proceeds going to our Andy’s Man Club as a whole, which helps so many men up and down the country, not just Manchester.’ (-Their Facebook)

Also, on the blog, a disastrous social media experiment and a recipe review. Keep it eclectic.

Whisky, Plays, Olympic Breakfasts

Here’s my latest Whisky Me video.

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Oldham Coliseum has lost its funding and is facing closure. 

I wasn’t really a theatre person but I remember seeing a few pantos in my youth, and also a rendition of Alan Garner’s Elidor, a fantasy story set in Manchester in the ‘60s featuring – if I recall – the ghost of a Roman soldier. The play had some decent light effects and jump scares. 

The Theatre first opened in 1885, during the cotton boom. Past performers at the theatre, according to The Oldham Times, include Charlie Chaplin and Stan Laurel, Ralph Fiennes and Minnie Driver. 

In other news, I got a tweet of Olympic Heptathlete Katarina Johnson Thompson about fry-ups.

No the IOC stop us ☹️ https://t.co/AlaIB3VeKz

— KJT (@JohnsonThompson) February 16, 2023

Central Park

 

From my Teatime Bookshop subscription, a French crime novel from Guillaume Musso. 

Tough Paris cop Alice wakes up in New York’s Central Park handcuffed to a musician, Gabriel. She remembers partying on the Champs-Elysees, but not much more… aside, several years ago, a man murdering her boyfriend and causing her miscarriage. 

An interesting premise, only the implausibilities come in thick and fast within the first few pages. A 2 hour flight from New York to Paris (decades after the Concorde was discontinued)? A cop admitting drink driving? Maybe the French are a little lax with alcohol laws. Nobody seeing two people hot-wiring a car in the middle of a capital city? The book is consistently awash with things characters wouldn’t know, or wouldn’t do – exposition or character traits that don’t sit right regardless of the language translations, clunky metaphors or data protection breaches. 

There are also revelations that characters seem not to know – like large news stories – that even the policewoman seems to have no recollection of. Memory, and how fallible it is, plays a huge part in the plot, but what characters seem to remember and what they don’t – and when – seems cherry-picked to further the story. Alice admits she doesn’t pay attention to details (worrying, for a cop) but then conveniently remembers them when a reveal is necessary. 

The twists and turns are sporadic and with such little grounding, like Musso is throwing in twists to suit a genre rather than because the plot requires it, and the ending is so creepy and abusive that it feels like the reader – like Alice – has just been cheated the whole time. I saw through it. Alice didn’t. 

The memory aspect of the story – what Alice recalls, and doesn’t – becomes a more prominent story strand as we reach the second half of the book. But, like with All is Not Forgotten (another Teatime Bookshop book I’ve reviewed that also had a memory theme) the science of memory and how it impacts on the narrative hasn’t been properly researched. Yes, it’s a crime book and not sci-fi, but a little more detail on this and the opportunities emerging in the field of neuroscience would have deepened and fleshed out the story. Plus, as you know, I’m a psychology nut and I like details when it comes to these things. 

Musso receives high praise on the cover from other writers, but then a lot of mediocre books do. He’s no James Ellroy.

The Stranger Game

The smallest in my to-read pile was Peter Gadol’s The Stranger Game, which I got from The Teatime Bookshop, a book subscription service delivering 2 crime novels a month along with hot chocolates and biscuits. 

Gadol has taken the concept of social media platforms like Twitter and Instagram – in which people share content and potentially develop a following – and pushed it into a literal, in-person sense. An unnamed American sun-kissed coastal city holds host to The Stranger Game, a game in which people literally follow strangers around, in almost trendified stalking. As the trend catches on people go missing – presumed players of the game, either followers, or ‘stagers’ – people who act out arguments or even assaults to gain a following. 

Narrator Rebecca, some kind of home improvement guru although her occupation isn’t clearly defined, learns her ex Ezra has disappeared. The largely disinterested and overworked Police tell her he’s probably taking part in said game. To track him down, she plays the game herself. 

I personally had problems getting into this story as it involves the protagonists making up stories about the people they follow, jumping to conclusions, making false narratives in their own head, for their own enjoyment. I do this myself, about people I see around, without consciously thinking, and it causes me personal massive anxiety. So already the story didn’t sit right with me. 

Added to this, there’s a plethora of ‘this-wouldn’t-happen’ moments, odd observations and overly formal, clunky dialogue. 

Rebecca, cut loose from her relationship, becomes some kind of lonely stalker as she uncovers more mysteries of the game. 

Some characters claim they ‘work’ as stagers to facilitate the game. Who pays them? This is never defined. 

As followers are treated as one homogenous lot, hovering on the fringes of people’s lives, the main characters fall into that trap too, becoming almost androgynous, like they’d been plucked straight out of the search bar of Instagram. Dull and conforming popularity contestants, and ironically people you end up not really caring for or even being able to tell apart. 

A short book, to my relief, but one that took a long time to finish.

Why You Should Binge Mindhunter

Joe Penhall’s psychological drama Mindhunter arrived on Netflix in 2017, and ran for a criminally short 2 seasons. In my quest to binge psychological content- books, documentaries etc.- I came across this show. 

Based on the 1995 true-crime book Mindhunter: Inside the FBI's Elite Serial Crime Unit written by John E. Douglas and Mark Olshaker, Mindhunter follows Bill Tench (Holt McCallany), a grizzled FBI veteran approaching retirement, who finds himself paired up with plucky rookie Holden Ford (Jonathan Groff). Ford is convinced that studying serial killers could help the FBI to solve crimes, and potentially prevent others from happening. 

Unfortunately, it’s 1977 and the team’s progress is hampered by narrow-minded scepticism from their peers and superiors. Not even the solid-science assistance from psychiatrist (and closet lesbian) Wendy Carr (Anna Torv) can guarantee acceptance from ageing bigwigs. 

Fans of true crime will revel in the interwoven true stories of murder investigations like that of Betty Jean Shade – portrayed as Beverley Jean Shaw – and interviews with notorious murderers – the likes of Ed Kemper, Charles Manson and David ‘Son of Sam’ Berkowitz make key, prison-set appearances. 

These days, Criminal Psychology is a well-documented field, both in terms of professional papers and true crime docu-series (the latter of which pepper Netflix’s home screen). In the 70s, those making that first foray into this niche area of study were met with fierce resistance. 

By the end of the second series, they’ve solved enough cases that the FBI bigwigs are starting to come around to their way of thinking… 

Then the show got cancelled. Showrunner David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club) was busy with other things. 

It’s a shame. It had a lot going for it, slightly predictable dialogue aside. Set design, time references (movies coming out, dress sense and of course, classic rock music) are all meticulously researched and well integrated. 

If you’re into true crime and criminal psychology, this is a great re-enactment of early criminal psychological analysis.

Stay Positive Music Video and Ambulance Callout

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Back in October I helped out a colleague of mine with his music video. See me briefly in Alexandra Park, clapping, in Bartek Piwonski’s Stay Positive. Great track. 

 

 

Saturday night I had a wander in town. 

 

Looks badly concussed, on his feet briefly, still no ambulance

— Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 mastodonapp.uk/@matttuckey (@matthewtuckey) February 5, 2023

 

I meant John Dalton St. Facepalm. Hope this guy recovers.

On Narcissism: Part 3 of 3

Waaaaaaay back, in early 2004, I was at uni and working part time at The Living Room, an upmarket bar and restaurant chain. (It folded in 2019 and the Deansgate unit is now Be At One.) I was a bar back, washing glasses etc. 

The serving staff shared a flat in a block of newish, expensive refurbished apartments just outside the centre. One night they invited me – out of all the bar backs – to a party after work. The full (and somewhat eyebrow-raising) story I wrote when I first started blogging in ‘06/’07. 

It took me until recently to realise that a group of maybe 3 of serving staff – Dave in particular – were full-blown narcissists. And that I was their victim. 

That night, the cocaine was passed around. I partook. My first time. This is a drug that is perfect for narcissists. Their bragging goes out of control. Their loudness gets louder. They laugh longer at jokes that get shitter. I just got very uncomfortable. They complained about management, about the customers, and eventually, about the bar backs. 

‘I don’t want to say too much,’ Dave said, ‘Because Matt’s here.’ 

So, if I hadn’t been there… he’d have gone in on all the bar backs too. 

Their whole conversation was about their specific serving role, something I couldn’t comment on. 

I remember thinking, the whole night, why me? Why invite this one bar back, a new guy that you hardly know, out of all of them, to your flat just for him to listen to you rabbit on about how you mouthed off at your managers and they didn’t do anything? 

I ended up resigning without notice from the Living Room after I was put down for a shift not part of my available hours. The rota had been written the week before, and I had noticed the error, but I was exhausted and sick of being spoken to like shit by the serving staff. I figured I’d deal with the hurdle when I crossed it. 

Because I didn’t point out management’s mistake and hence didn’t turn up, they wanted to give me a disciplinary. The manager phoned me while I was in uni, practically in the middle of a lecture. So I never went in again. 

I get it now. 

Dave and his group wanted an audience. They wanted to act like they were on TV. To talk about themselves, and for people to watch them. And who else to fill that role but the shy new guy, grateful to be being apparently welcomed into their group? 

Hicks and his group wanted an audience. That’s why he kept inviting me to things but kept making excuses any time I suggested doing anything. 

HS wanted an audience. That’s why she had elongated irrelevant staff meetings and wouldn’t relinquish me to any other departments that would have benefited from my support. 

More to the point, narcissists, like each of these, target vulnerable people, like shy people, or learning disabled people. People like me (even if they – like the Living Room staff – didn’t know about the condition). They’ll rope in people who are lonely, insecure, eager to be accepted. Clearly, people who won’t recognise and remember specific behaviours to retell to other people (like medical professionals, or people working in support roles). 

So, how do we – disabled or not, shy or not - avoid being used for Narcissistic Supply? 

I can’t conceive of thinking so much about myself that I’d consider that people would be grateful to even be in my presence, but then, that’s probably a good thing. To avoid being used by people who do have that mindset, we require an ability to say, ‘no thanks, that’s not my kind of thing,’ or, ‘sorry, too busy.’ But you have to be busy. Have plans, targets, things you want to be doing. 

As for the narcissistic individuals, keep a track of their behaviour and exactly what they’ve said (I find the Omninotes app on the Play Store to be most effective) and then you can discuss this with other people, perhaps healthcare professionals like your GP, specialists, managers, family, other friends etc. 

And you have to be comfortable with the inevitable criticisms these rejections will incur. Being happy on your own, and not needing validation from other people, will prevent you feeling the urge to take up every offer that comes your way. And if you’re worrying about being judged… they are no matter what you’re doing. 

More importantly, it will also help you rise above the narcissist’s tactics to ensnare you.

It's Time for Another Blogging Project

It involves this blog, Twitter and a third website. I'm expecting it to take a month. For future reference, here are some blog stats: 

Overall page views: 990,909 

This month: 3577 

Yesterday: 66 

Let's try to get up to 1 million overall page views. 

On Twitter: 1330 followers.

Let's see if these change. More details when I'm done.