For the Love of Horror this weekend

The 4th annual For the Love of Horror convention takes place this Saturday and Sunday at Bowlers. There are still Sunday tickets! Great lineup, but sadly I cannot find one picture with all the guests. Also sadly, at the time of writing, Dusk til Dawn’s Tom Savini has just pulled out. I’ll be getting a refund on him as will all people, however The Shining twins Lisa and Louise Burns are still booked.

Radio 1 Dance in The Warehouse Project

Friday night: Radio 1 Dance, a night of dance music headlined by Fisher, who released I’m Losing It in 2018. Three of us went to Depot Mayfield for this installment of The Warehouse Project season. 

After a 45 min queue, a minor setback on entry – The Ticketmaster app, through which I’d bought and stored my ticket, refused to connect. The problem is the same right now. I talked to the staff at reception – they could see the confirmation email on my phone, and they were good with it. They said I wasn’t the first to have that problem. I got in at quarter past 10. 

Great music all night but Fisher didn’t come on until quarter to 1, by which time the Depot main room was stuffed, with only a little breathing room near the entrance and a Concourse and Archive - Rooms 2 and 3 with other DJs on. Hence, security removed a few seemingly paralytic people before midnight. Also hence the grainy, zoomed in video: 

 

Room 2:

 

Despite closing at 4, there was somewhat of an exodus before 3, I think after Fisher’s set, and I joined them. Young’uns just can’t hack it these days. Brilliant music and visuals though. For more, see the Insta story. 

 

I don’t think anyone had ‘Victorian Mine Shaft Discovered Under TJ Hughes’ on their 2022 bingo card.

TJ Hughes in the 90s. Credit, in case you haven't guessed: Alamy. Please don't sue me.

 

Big news out of Oldham Centre this week: homeware shop TJ Hughes – think TK Maxx but bores you in a coma – is being demolished, and a giant Victorian-era coal mine has been uncovered underneath it. The Oldham Times Claims ‘the onsite mine shaft was recorded as an ‘Old Coal Pit’ in 1851 maps, the earliest maps available.’ 

TJ Hughes, which was next to what is now Parliament Square, was my first employer back in 1999. It was a job from which I was unceremoniously sacked. 

There are a number of reasons for this. The manager – some stern looking Scouse Bloke – explained that all employees needed to be proficient on the till, so that whatever they were doing, if needs be they could stop shelf-stocking etc. and cover that role. Shelf-stocking I did okay in. Everything else… 

In 1999 most shops had barcode scanners. Not TJ Hughes. Every item had assigned to it a 4-digit code, which could frequently be found printed on packaging. Cutlery, and other items, didn’t have this displayed. You just had to remember it. Well. I was obviously shit out of luck there. There was a handwritten sheet of A4 with a few items and their respective codes, but which panel was this taped to? Where on this sheet was it, if it was at all? 

I just had to ask the co-worker, some girl with a Fringe. I mithered her half to death. As well as not being able to remember the codes, another problem reared its head: credit cards. If you’re old enough, you’ll remember that prior to chip and pin, cashiers would take your card and slide it through a slot at the side of the till’s screen. This would capture the info and charge the card, for which you had to sign the till roll, and the cashier had to check your signature against your card. 

What a ballache. This is where things got confusing: when I slid the card through the slot, it would NEVER read. I’d do it time and time again, slowly, quickly, angled just right… it would not read. I’d give it to Fringe and it would work for her immediately. At the time, I found myself wondering, if my problem was specifically a memory issue, how come I couldn’t charge a credit card? Was every problem attributed to my condition, or was this an unconnected random inability? 

I never found an answer to this. 

At the time, I was in my first year at Tameside College, on an intermediate Media GNVQ. I was struggling with the work, feeling overwhelmed and too hesitant – in most cases- to actually dive in and do it. 

My tutor at the time, we’ll call him CB, told me that he had a background in learning difficulties before he went into media. He felt that problems with memory, with organisation and with self-doubt were all symptoms of dyslexia. He sent me to a support tutor who tested me and ‘concluded’- if you can call it that – that I had ‘some of the symptoms associated with mild dyslexia.’ 

I did not, at the time, have the confidence to ask, how is it possible that this problem I have be dyslexia, when my only decent GCSE was a C in English, and I could spell? A year prior I’d been doing work experience at the Oldham Evening Chronicle, getting small pieces published in the paper. I was 15. The dyslexia theory just didn’t make any sense. 

You can imagine my confusion the next Saturday, when I’m things are still going wrong in work. Scouse Bloke takes me aside. “I can see you’re struggling on the tills,” he said. “You’re creating queues. I’ve noticed that when you’re about to use the keyboard, your finger does this-” he circled his finger like he’s using the old dial-up phones. “Are you dyslexic?” 

I cannot remember how I answered this question. I remember thinking, if I am, how come I can spell? If I’m not, how come three people – one of them unconnected - all perfectly capable, and in charge of others – think that I am? Are they all wrong? 

I didn’t put this to him, for whatever reason. Lack of confidence, probably. 

After a few Saturdays, Scouse Bloke pulled me into the office again. “We’ve decided to end your contract,” he announced. “Do you have anything to say?” 

I couldn’t think of anything. That was the end of my first job, and the first of a number of sackings. The job would never have worked out, no matter what support I’d got. It just wasn’t right for me. 

Of course, what would have helped is if it had occurred to me at that time that I had already been tested for both memory issues and literacy issues, and the former had been confirmed and the latter – well, there was enough info to show it couldn’t have been dyslexia. Reading had been highlighted as a strength. At 9 years old, my reading ability had been graded as equal to the average 14-year-old. But I forgot that I had been to these hospitals, met these educational psychologists and received their reports. I forgot. 

So I was sent to the college’s support department, and ended up being diagnosed with dyslexia that I didn’t have. 

At 26 I was formally diagnosed with short term memory difficulties, and it was proven unequivocally that I was not dyslexic. This psychologist actually asked for all the prior medical information, whatever I had, and this informed on her own assessment. 

So yeah, the upshot of this Victorian Mineshaft post: if you have any kind of physical or psychological condition, store your paperwork carefully, read it and get to grips with it. Nobody knows you better than you, so who better than you to learn – as best as you are capable – about the condition you have? Always disclose it to education staff and employers. Give them the printed info. The more they know, the more they can help you. It’s illegal for them to discriminate based on disability. If you don’t disclose your condition, it will eventually reveal itself anyway, and when you do disclose, those in charge will say, ‘why didn’t you tell us?’ 

Granted, disability employment is a figurative minefield (rather than a literal mineshaft), but it is an issue that must be chipped away at. Communication is key.

World Mental Health Day, Fisher, Jan 6 Committee

Today is World Mental Health Day. The theme this year is ‘'Make mental health and wellbeing for all a global priority'. Glad that the theme of Mental Health is more mainstream these days, and people understand the concept of it. 

A few things to look forward to this week: 

The January 6 Committee Hearings recommence Thursday. I’ll be tuning in. I’m hoping for jailtime for a number of people, but not getting my hopes up. But hey, not my circus, not my monkeys. 

House music producer Fisher (I’m Losing It) plays at The Warehouse Project Friday. 

I have a number of psychology-related posts to go up, so the next few weeks are sorted on that front.

Let’s Fit Back Into These Suits

 

This photo of X-Factor's Goldie Cheung and I, taken in May 2018, appears to be the last photo of me in a full suit.

Over the last few years, I found myself on a course of antidepressants. I came off these some months ago, having received a lot of other NHS treatment, and am in a somewhat better place now. However, I’m still dealing with the medication’s side effects. 

Mirtazapine, along with a few other drugs of this ilk, are known to increase appetite. It’s well-documented, but something I didn’t realise until I was already on it. By the time I decided I was better off not taking them, it was already early 2020 and the UK was in lockdown. I decide it best to stay the course until restrictions were lifted. 

I waited until early 2022 to come down to half dose. When I did, it took several months to exhaust the supplies I had, but I saw no drop in mood- only a drop in appetite, weight and - in the early days - sleep. I’d ballooned up to 90kgs. My weight had been steadily climbing since I moved out of my parents’ place in 2010. I was 68kgs then, but the weight gain accelerated after my first dose of Sertraline. 

Several dieting projects later, and free from antidepressants, my weight dropped further, but I still can’t fit into these bastard 30” waist suits. I’m somewhere between 74-75kg. I was just above 73 a few days ago. There’s a small issue of me carrying a lot more muscle than I did 12 years ago. 

But now is the right time to burn off the fat around the midriff and get back into my suit trousers. I mentioned when I turned 40, this was a challenge I wanted to undertake. Stay the course. Eat clean. Fight the cravings (hence this is a psychological issue, as is all dieting). Do the physical graft, focussing on endurance and body weight exercises, as opposed to lifting heavier. Lose the weight. I bet I can wear 30” trousers in a month’s time.

I’m not doing Blogtober

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A post shared by Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 (@matttuckey)

 

Last year I challenged myself to Blogtober, a yearly month-long blogging project in which the challenge is to blog every day for the 31 days of October. I managed it, mostly on the theme of beermats, of which I had hundreds to upload. Not too difficult, really. 

Well, not long after that I ran out of beermats. And blog post ideas. So, I won’t be doing Blogtober this year, but I have bags of plans for blogging, including a bodybuilding project, something to do with social media, 2 Viking projects and a smartphone photography project. They just aren’t things that would suit daily uploads. 

I’m not really doing a project as such at the moment, just focussing on fitness and getting to events. Stay tuned for these writeups.

I don’t get it. Do the government think I’m vulnerable or not?

I mentioned ages ago that my disability travel pass expired some time last year, and that TfGM won’t renew it, for reasons that aren’t clear. They’re splitting hairs about what defines a ‘learning difficulty’ and a ‘learning disability.’ As I’m not a social services client under the Learning Disability team, TfGM have refused my application. 

Meanwhile, I have the same condition (short term memory difficulties), I’m still on PIP and I’m now a Blue Badge holder. 

On Thursday, I received a letter from the NHS advising me to book my 4th COVID jab. ‘Your doctor’s practice should contact you to make the appointment, if they are giving COVID vaccine boosters.’ The previous 3 shots were not administered at my own GP surgery, so this is perhaps unusual. Are they? Are they not? I dunno. Above this, the letter states, ‘When you book your vaccine, you will need to tell them you are in a high risk group. This is because you are on the learning disability register.’ 

Really? What register is this, exactly? It’s not the local authority’s Learning Disability team, as stated. Is it the DWP’s, who provide PIP payments? If so, why can’t I have my travel pass? 

I often wonder whether it’s the condition itself that prevents me from understanding this, or whether in fact the NHS, Local LD team and TfGM haven’t actually sat down and figured out what they’re going to say and allow, and what they’re not. 

I suspect the latter.