Once Upon a Time in Great Britain: Part 12

INT. ROYAL APARTMENTS- DAY

Tom shuts the door and locks it. He presses his back against the door and sighs, nervously. There’s no one in. Dave and Tony are probably on the bar. Tom switches on the TV. It’s an amateur pirate broadcast, probably made by students- a studio programme with dodgy lighting. Two people are being interviewed in front of an audience. Tom puts the tracksuit top in a bin liner from under the sink. He pours some Jack Daniels and ice into a glass and sits, sipping it, in front of the TV.

GUEST A

They were detonated in places supposed to represent political problems. The probable motives being bandied about: I’m not prepared to believe them at the moment and I’m even less inclined to believe this theory about the attack in the sensor’s office. In fact I believe the opposite. If he hadn’t seen so many films, which is what the gentleman here is suggesting: If he didn’t have this apparent obsession with violent cinema, this terrible scene wouldn’t have happened in the first place. He would have had no need.

PRESENTER

Now the police received an anonymous phone call from a young man with a strong Lancashire accent claiming responsibility for the sensor’s office atrocity. We don’t know yet whether this person is the person in the photo fit image. The suggestion is that it was the fact that a particular film that this young man had seen-

Presenter looks off-frame.

PRESENTER (contd.)

I’m being told not to mention the name- it was the fact that this film had been cut by the sensors that tipped this man over the edge. If these films had been left in their original form, this latest attack-

Cheers from the studio audience. Presenter raises his voice over them.

PRESENTER (contd.)

Wouldn’t have happened and the workers in this censor’s office would still be alive today.

GUEST A

But take a step back from this. It was this man’s obsession with violent cinema that-

WHACK.

An egg slams into guest A’s face, hard. He’s stunned.

VOICE (O.S)

Fuck you, you fucking Nazi! I’m an adult, why don’t I get treated like one?

Guest A is taking his eggy glasses off with shaky hands.

GUEST A

Possibly because you don't behave like one?

Studio camera pans around. Amateur security is dragging out a dreadlocked guy.

Tom switches the TV off.

BLACK.