Back at the end of August, while Oldham entered its localised lockdown, I decided to return to this absurd project- one I've tried a number of times- to do the splits whilst reading. The plan was to read as much of this pile as I could before either the lockdown was lifted, or October.
I figured, if lockdown was lifted by October, I could have a bash at Blogtober, a blog-every-day challenge. Suffice to say, I had to sack off that plan and proceed with developing flexibility.
Whilst reading, I'd have my feet out in front of me against the wardrobe. Every few minutes I'd edge my heels further out, and measure between them.
To aid circulation and to keep these muscles warm, I'd use Thai oil, a liniment from Thailand. The Muay Thai fighting community use the liniment, or 'Namman Muay,' to increase circulation, thus heating up the skin, preventing bruising and allowing from greater flexibility. I've tried this project in 2018 with Robb, a thicker, stickier substance, reaching 1m62, 3cm short of my 1m65 record. I tried again, starting in August this year, with Thai oil, which is much more liquid. With this, I reached 1m 60. Then I ran out of books.
My birthday was at the end of July, and I received a load more books, so after a short break I figured it was time to try again. I sat down and got 1m 50 as a starting point. I figured, let’s do this until either lockdown was over (right…) or I ran out of Thai oil. What did I read? 
Cities of the Red Night
William S Burroughs opened his red Night Trilogy with this absurd, typically weird novel. Set in both 1702 and 1923, this starts as a detective mystery- a man is paid to look for another man's son- before devolving into a bacchanal of heroin, gay sex, pirates, torture and murder. Not for the faint of heart, the short novel is a highbrow, eloquent account of life both at sea and on land. Well, a very narrow viewpoint of these. The 'twists' in the story, if you can call the randomness as such, may be headache inducing, but the pace is as addictive as their drug of choice. Books of this type- surrealist in genre- always leave me feeling there's something I should be understanding in the plot... perhaps there was. But I took it at face value.
The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat
Find this psychology-themed book review here.
The Place of Dead Roads
The same day I polished off the above, I finished the second in William Burroughs' Red Night Trilogy. This one swaps sailors for cowboys, with a similar amount of gay sex and non-linear storytelling. If that's your thing. (I'm more into the surrealist non-linear format than I am gay sex, suffice to say.) Kim Carsons, gay gunslinger, bands together a group of homosexual gunmen. Together as The Wild Fruits, they... no, I'm sorry, I had no idea what was going on. I quickly decided to treat this more as a cluster of western sci-fi vignettes than as a novel. Carsons moves between the Wild West, 1950s England, a Yemeni arms stall, 1980s Venus for a disgusting banquet and back to Earth for a seemingly irrelevant jaunt around New Mexico. Very heavy, inventive, suggestive and violent, but totally opaque. Take it with a pinch of salt.
The Western Lands
Burroughs gives up all semblance of logic and coherence in the closing third of his Red Night trilogy. Kim Carsons returns, temporarily changing his name to Karl Peterson, but for what aim isn’t clear. But then nothing is: it’s another book for strange tastes. You want morphine-addict homosexual necrophiliac Nazis? You got it. Weaponised cyborgs stalking the streets of Egypt? It’s here. Patagonian centipede studies? The Western Lands is the book for you. Like previous instalments, it’s brilliantly written, relentlessly vulgar and impenetrably perplexing.
Teach Yourself: Understand Applied Psychology
Find this psychology-themed book review here.
Some way into this project it dawned on me that the label stated the country of origin as PRC: People’s Republic of China. It’s not even real Namman Muay. No wonder I was coming out with a severe rash, and no real improvements to flexibility. I again got to 1m 60 between my ankles. The Thai oil looked and smelled the same, though. Maybe some other time I’ll buy the real thing, and give this another shot. Would it have given me better results? Maybe. Anyway, I finished the bottle not long after reading the last book. I just sat and watched Vikings. Throughout the project, I was eating clean and visiting the gym. It just so happens that I ran out of Thai oil at the same time that the gyms closed again. So, what did I manage at the gym? Before lockdown, my horizontal dumbbell fly record was 2x 40kgs. I managed to get that up to 2x 44kgs, 2 weights up and the heaviest dumbbells in the gym. I pressed 200kg on calf press, the heaviest the seated leg press machine would allow. (I’m not sure what I’d achieved prior to lockdown.) My dips record was 75, from back in 2018. I managed 90. Hamstring curl was 45kg before lockdown. It’s now 60kg. So, the home workouts with Commando Charlie et al must have paid off. During this new lockdown, I expect they still will.
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