That ‘Chaotic Month’ turned out to be 2 months.

Namman Muay Thai Oil

 

Right at the start of 2023 I explained I was going to attempt 4 tasks simultaneously: Improve flexibility using traditional Namman Muay Thai oil, beat my outdoor running record, beat my indoor running record, and fit back into my suit trousers. 

I’ve been working on these for the last couple of months, focussing on diet, including the kind of foods that help with stretching: oily fish, meat, lots of veg, grapes and watermelon. I’d cut out junk food, bread and bananas. I let the porridge run out. It took 2 full months to use up the freezer food. 

Let’s go through these one at a time. 

Did I improve flexibility? To a degree. I sat down with my feet in front of me and pushed my heels against the skirting board, edging them apart as far as I safely could. My record from 2014 doing this was 163cm. In January, I managed 140cm. Within a week, however, I’d got to 157cm. After that, I couldn’t get anywhere near for ages. It took a further month until I got to 158cm. For the last 3 weeks or so, I haven’t managed that far. 

Did I beat my outdoor running record? I do a 5.4km running route around my local area that I’ve had a go at here and there since I was 17. My record was 38:06 from October ‘22. Just a few days ago I managed 37:54. A 12 second improvement. I was putting Namman Muay on my legs before the run. Maybe it helped. 

Did I beat my indoor running record? I had been training my 10-minute run by trying to run at the speed of my PB, 14.1km/ph, for as long as I could. I was managing a couple of minutes at best for many years, and gassing each time. In more recent years, through coming off antidepressants and plundering my body with veg, I’ve ran the full 10 minutes at 14km/ph in January, then 14.1 just before the end of that month, then on the last day of that month I hit 14.2. I’d done it. I’d beaten my oldest PB from the summer of 2013. In early February I pushed it up to 14.3. 

Did I fit into my suits? I was 85.1kg at the start of the year. Yesterday I was 75.3. Then I tried out Shish Cafe, and got a pizza and cheesy chips. I’m now 76.1, some way off my 72.2 target to fit into my suit trousers. Oh well. 

I did, however, finish The Nature of Social Work, one of the books I planned to read while flexing. I also finished crime novel Condemned. 

Interesting project. Some successes, some failures. Just a couple more remaining from this year’s bucket list.

January will be somewhat of a chaotic month.

January may traditionally be the quiet, broke month in which people obsess over fitness and money (and who says I won’t?) but it’s the perfect time to hit personal goals, undistracted by other people. 

I have four targets to hit. 

Namman Muay

 

1) Improve flexibility 

I recently bought some Namman Muay Thai oil, a traditional eastern product that warms up the skin, joints and muscles, and is known to prevent bruising. Muay Thai fighters use it before fighting to aid recovery. 

The plan is to use this on my legs to gain some flexibility, whilst polishing off a few books that I really want to read. I’ve tried this project many time before, but this will be the first one with authentic Namman Muay, something I used to use in the early 00s when I trained in Muay Thai. 

My record for sitting splits is 163cm from 2014. I’ve just sat down and got 140cm. Let’s see if I can beat 163. 

2) Beat my outdoor run record 

I have a route near me that takes around 45 mins to do. On a good day I can do it in 40. I managed 38:06 in October last year, at a time when I was living off spinach and kale smoothies. My weight was plummeting and I was beating my chin-up records frequently. It could be done again, if I have a similar diet. (I’m not going to let my freezer food perish this time, though.) 

3) Beat my indoor run record 

Back in 2013, when I was 31, I managed to run for 10 minutes at 14.1km/ph. In November this year, in preparation for the Santa Dash, a 5km run, I managed to match said record. Then after the Santa Dash I ate a load of junk food as a reward. I can get nowhere near now. But the diet will be back on track, the work will be put in and I expect I can get back to where I was in a month. Just watch. 

4) Fit back into my suit trousers 

I managed this back in November ‘22, after lots of vegetable smoothies. I could do it again, but I’d like a little more variety this time. I got a new smoothie maker for Christmas, as the last one stopped working after the connectors near the motor ran out. I will mix in a few smoothies – spinach and kale, etc. - but I’ll try for a bit more variety of veg, and a bit more roughage too – solid veg and meat. I also don’t want to neglect the freezer food that I’ve already bought. I learned last time, it doesn’t last as long as you’d think. 

I was 72.2kg when I got back into my suits. I’m 81.5kg now. Let’s see where I am in a month’s time, but let’s carry on after that and see what happens.

Lockdown Reading: Take 3. Results

Back at the end of August, while Oldham entered its localised lockdown, I decided to return to this absurd project- one I've tried a number of times- to do the splits whilst reading. The plan was to read as much of this pile as I could before either the lockdown was lifted, or October. 

I figured, if lockdown was lifted by October, I could have a bash at Blogtober, a blog-every-day challenge. Suffice to say, I had to sack off that plan and proceed with developing flexibility.

Whilst reading, I'd have my feet out in front of me against the wardrobe. Every few minutes I'd edge my heels further out, and measure between them. To aid circulation and to keep these muscles warm, I'd use Thai oil, a liniment from Thailand. The Muay Thai fighting community use the liniment, or 'Namman Muay,' to increase circulation, thus heating up the skin, preventing bruising and allowing from greater flexibility. I've tried this project in 2018 with Robb, a thicker, stickier substance, reaching 1m62, 3cm short of my 1m65 record. I tried again, starting in August this year, with Thai oil,  which is much more liquid. With this, I reached 1m 60. Then I ran out of books. My birthday was at the end of July, and I received a load more books, so after a short break I figured it was time to try again. I sat down and got 1m 50 as a starting point. I figured, let’s do this until either lockdown was over (right…) or I ran out of Thai oil. What did I read? 

Cities of the Red Night 

William S Burroughs opened his red Night Trilogy with this absurd, typically weird novel. Set in both 1702 and 1923, this starts as a detective mystery- a man is paid to look for another man's son- before devolving into a bacchanal of heroin, gay sex, pirates, torture and murder. Not for the faint of heart, the short novel is a highbrow, eloquent account of life both at sea and on land. Well, a very narrow viewpoint of these. The 'twists' in the story, if you can call the randomness as such, may be headache inducing, but the pace is as addictive as their drug of choice. Books of this type- surrealist in genre- always leave me feeling there's something I should be understanding in the plot... perhaps there was. But I took it at face value.   

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat 

Find this psychology-themed book review here.  

The Place of Dead Roads 

The same day I polished off the above, I finished the second in William Burroughs' Red Night Trilogy. This one swaps sailors for cowboys, with a similar amount of gay sex and non-linear storytelling. If that's your thing. (I'm more into the surrealist non-linear format than I am gay sex, suffice to say.) Kim Carsons, gay gunslinger, bands together a group of homosexual gunmen. Together as The Wild Fruits, they... no, I'm sorry, I had no idea what was going on. I quickly decided to treat this more as a cluster of western sci-fi vignettes than as a novel. Carsons moves between the Wild West, 1950s England, a Yemeni arms stall, 1980s Venus for a disgusting banquet and back to Earth for a seemingly irrelevant jaunt around New Mexico. Very heavy, inventive, suggestive and violent, but totally opaque. Take it with a pinch of salt.  

The Western Lands 

Burroughs gives up all semblance of logic and coherence in the closing third of his Red Night trilogy. Kim Carsons returns, temporarily changing his name to Karl Peterson, but for what aim isn’t clear. But then nothing is: it’s another book for strange tastes. You want morphine-addict homosexual necrophiliac Nazis? You got it. Weaponised cyborgs stalking the streets of Egypt? It’s here. Patagonian centipede studies? The Western Lands is the book for you. Like previous instalments, it’s brilliantly written, relentlessly vulgar and impenetrably perplexing.  

Teach Yourself: Understand Applied Psychology 

Find this psychology-themed book review here. 

Some way into this project it dawned on me that the label stated the country of origin as PRC: People’s Republic of China. It’s not even real Namman Muay. No wonder I was coming out with a severe rash, and no real improvements to flexibility. I again got to 1m 60 between my ankles. The Thai oil looked and smelled the same, though. Maybe some other time I’ll buy the real thing, and give this another shot. Would it have given me better results? Maybe. Anyway, I finished the bottle not long after reading the last book. I just sat and watched Vikings. Throughout the project, I was eating clean and visiting the gym. It just so happens that I ran out of Thai oil at the same time that the gyms closed again. So, what did I manage at the gym? Before lockdown, my horizontal dumbbell fly record was 2x 40kgs. I managed to get that up to 2x 44kgs, 2 weights up and the heaviest dumbbells in the gym. I pressed 200kg on calf press, the heaviest the seated leg press machine would allow. (I’m not sure what I’d achieved prior to lockdown.) My dips record was 75, from back in 2018. I managed 90. Hamstring curl was 45kg before lockdown. It’s now 60kg. So, the home workouts with Commando Charlie et al must have paid off. During this new lockdown, I expect they still will.

Lockdown Reading: Take 3

In recent years I've undergone a number of attempts at the splits. I failed each time, of course, but most recently I made some progress by using the liniment Thai oil, a bizarre eastern formula used by Muay Thai fighters everywhere, for its healing properties. As well as alleviating bruises and sprains, it aids flexibility by warming the muscles to which it's applied. I'd sit on the floor with my legs against the cupboard doors, and push my heels out as far as they'd go, measuring between my ankles. My record for this was 1m 65, from 4 years ago. I'm planning to beat it. I made it to 1m 60 recently. I only stopped last month as I ran out of books. Well, I've just had a birthday, so there's no shortage now...

Looking forward, October is BLOGTOBER, a challenge to upload every day, and I have a plan for that (COVID allowing). Hence, I have a number of targets: beat 1m 65, perform the splits fully, beat some personal bests at the gym, and read this pile of books,

Either before October or before Oldham is lifted from this partial lockdown. Whilst doing this, I'll keep at the gym, attempting to beat personal bests. I'm going to try to mix into my diet healthy food that aids flexibility, like these.

Also, the Thai oil bottle goes out of date in November. I've wanted to do this project for years- stuff just kept getting in the way.

A quick sit-down gives us... oh dear. 1m 35 between the ankles. Let's begin.

Lockdown Reading Take 2: Review

At the end of July, Oldham went into partial lockdown, again, after another spike in COVID-19 cases. I decided to go back to my pile of books and try to polish off as many of these as possible before lockdown was lifted (again).

The twist this time, as nothing is ever simple on Power is a State of Mind, is to increase flexibility by attempting the splits, while reading, and this time, by applying Thai oil. Back in July, I described the project and featured the 6 books in my to-read pile. Offbeat culture magazine Vice gives an insight to Thai oil, the eastern liniment with healing qualities, its history and its gradual spread from traditional Thailand through to the western world.

I'd tried this flexibility-and-reading exercise before, and had made some progress. My July '16 record for splits was 1m 65 between the ankles. It was time to see whether Thai oil, with its ability to increase circulation and heat muscles and ligaments, might alIow for a 38-year-old gym nut to get closer to doing the splits, like an ageing Van-Damme.

I started, in July, with my feet against a full-length wall cupboard, with 1m 42 between my ankles. I started reading. I found, before long, that wrapping a towel around a pillow and placing that under the butt cheeks helped alleviate numb-bum, one of the hardest parts of the project. The Thai oil itself helped to increase circulation to the legs, combatting the effects of sitting on a hard floor for long periods.

The Place of Dead Roads

This was a middle book in a trilogy; the bookending editions I got for my birthday after I started the project. As I'm such a neurotic bastard I couldn't include these books in the project.

Two Brothers

I had tried this a couple of months ago. Set in Berlin just before the outbreak of World War II, I found it just not grabbing enough.

The Corrections

I had made an attempt to read this 'acclaimed' novel some years ago. I made it 100 pages in. I'd found it excruciatingly dull, a beautifully-written but empty account of a family not doing anything. The granddad develops Parkinson's and loses his mind. The mom plans a family get-together. That's about it. I decided I'd give it another shot.

I had the same problems. Empty, vacuous toffs go about their lives. Gran and Granddad go on a cruise to rejuvenate their love lives- this results in Granddad deteriorating so much that he hallucinates a talking, taunting lump of excrement chasing him around his cabin. Other than that, unbearable pomposity. It's absolutely bemusing as to why it's so celebrated. Again, I made about another 100 pages.

Bram Stoker: A Biography of the Author of Dracula

Classic horror novel aside, there's little to Stoker's upper-class Victorian life that really engages, unless you're riveted by details of some rugby-playing toff (why do I buy books with these characters?) visiting plays and fanboying contemporaneous poets. I made an attempt to read this about a year ago, and had the same problem.

Legacy: An Off-Colour Novella for You to Colour

My first Chuck Palahniuk book in years, Legacy features a out-of work bum bestowed, through a relative's will, with a peach plant. Well, it turns out the plant is worth quite a wedge, and so he attracts the attention of immortal strippers, SWAT teams and stalkers, all intent on coming between himself and his heirloom. As the story twists and turns, there's plenty of opportunity to colour in the half and full page illustrations (some provided by artists behind Hellboy and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) depicting key points in the story. I haven't actually done the colouring in, but I wouldn't rule it out. It's supposed to be incredibly therapeutic (perhaps even when the drawings are of, in one instance, a Mafia bloodbath). A great, fun story with packed with ideas.

Make Something Up

Another entry from Chuck Palahniuk, Make Something Up offers 21 twisty, depravedly twisted tales from the mind that brought us Fight Club. The anthology style was perfect for the reading-and-splits task, as I would only be sat in that position for a few minutes while I read each story. Although his novels are great reads, it's his short fiction that really bites on the nose. A brilliant read.

So that was the pile, as was last month at the start of the project. I started practising the splits, as mentioned, with 1m 42 between the ankles. My record was 1m 65. In this project, I only managed 1m 60.

During this project, I also hammered away at some long-standing gym records. As the gym has been closed between March and July, it's been a long time since I've been able to register strength and fitness levels, but now that I have access to the equipment I've been able to put an extra 5kg on my hamstring curl record. A few other PBs I'm steadily encroaching on.

Since taking the picture at the top of this post I've received a few more books as birthday presents, and I'm keen to dive back into them. I'll likely try the Thai-oil-and-splits project again soon.

Lockdown Reading: Take 2

Well, the inevitable has happened and we've seen a spike in COVID-19 cases. That means a return to lockdown until... who knows. We thought a month last time; it turned out to be 4. This time, specific areas- including my hometown of Oldham- have received orders to stay at home, not the whole country. Plus, the gym appears to still be open.

Between March and July, I read a splurge of books. I still have this pile to read, which has been in existence in one shape or another for nearly a decade now:

It's time to focus on reading again, but with a twist- I've put two seemingly unconnected challenges together before, with attempts to do the splits whilst reading. This somewhat unusual combination of targets I conjoined in a vain attempt to regain the flexibility I had in my 20s. (I've just turned 38.) Most recently (2018) I did this with the aid of Robb, an ointment good for warming muscles. 

For some years now I've had a bottle of Thai oil, an ointment mostly used in Thailand to increase circulation and prevent bruising. I've been meaning to use that for practising the splits. So- let's see what happens while I try this during Oldham's lockdown. A quick measurement between the ankles shows 1m 42, a long way off my 1m 65 record. We don't know when this local lockdown will be lifted, but I'm not expecting it to be any time soon.

Reading and Robb

I've blogged a few times about attempting the splits whilst reading books. As you do. It was a series of attempts to increase flexibility and focus on what I genuinely enjoy- reading, which in turn would minimise time spent on social media and help get through a huge backlog of unread books.

I'd do this by sitting with my legs apart in front of me, wearing socks, with my heels against the skirting board. Where my torso is, I'd sit directly under the doorway of my kitchen and use the door frame to grip and pull myself closer in.

The last time I attempted it- July '16- I got to 1 metre 65.

I'm going to attempt this again. I'll do this for another month, but this time I'll be using Robb, an ointment for 'relief from pain.' It smells like Thai tiger balm, if you're familiar. I'll apply it to the legs, particularly the insides, and see if I can beat the PB. In a month, I'll blog to report on how well it worked. I'll also review the books that I read in the month.

Doing the Splits with Peter F Hamilton: Result

Back on the 10^th May I set myself another reading and exercise challenge, this time to gain more flexibility than I've ever had in my thirties. I've blogged a number of times about combining reading with attempting the splits: this time it was to beat my standing personal best of 1 metre 63 (5'4).

I've done a little here and there- sometimes huge chunks, sometimes little bits frequently- sometimes, admittedly, skipping a few days. I'd find I'd get close- either on the personal best or just below it- then miss a day, then when I'd come back I'd have lost loads of flexibility. The trick is to dedicate yourself.

I've done this as best as I can, and I hit 1 metre 65 (5'5) on 1^st July.

I'm currently half way into the book. It's very heavy and technical, and more with a leaning to science like in the Dreaming Void, the first of the trilogy. The second book got a bit-too fantasy-based, and was a hard slog. The story I'm actually finding harder to follow as summer has presented a lot of opportunities for me and I'm not dedicating as much time to it as I used to. I'm still trying, though, to read a little every day. I'll upload a full review when it's finished. Aiming for the first week of September.

Like anything else, keep practising and you'll see progress.

Doing the Splits with Peter F Hamilton

Over the last few years I've found 'novel' ways of reading and exercising, if you'll pardon the pun. It occurs to me that I've made four attempts at reading and planking, and only three at reading whilst practicing the splits.

Reading and planking with the shortest book in the to-read pile

Reading and planking month

 

Reading and planking with the longest book

 

Reading and planking record breaker

Reading and splits with the shortest book

Reading and splits month 

Reading and splits with the longest book

So: I've done these projects as shortest book; month; longest book; record breaker. Not necessarily in that order. What's missing is a final attempt to beat the personal best at splits, which should take a while as I haven't practiced this in 2 years. I'm currently dualling the manual to my new Skoda Citigo (had it a month, still haven't finished reading the manual but it's a great non-addictive cure for insomnia) with Peter F Hamilton's The Evolutionary Void. I've slacked off with reading recently so now's a good a time as ever to mix some of this into my life. The Evolutionary Void is the third in the Void trilogy, something I've been hammering through since new year. The first 2 books I whipped through, as the weather at the start of the year was horrific and all I wanted to do was stay in where it was warm, and read. As winter (finally) ebbed off, I settled into The Evolutionary Void, the largest book in my to-read pile. It was my intention to hammer through it as quickly as possible, but as the weather improved, NHS appointments occurred (memory related stuff) and nights out became more frequent, reading was put on the back-burner. I also bought the aforementioned car, which took a chunk out of my time (and suffice to say my finances).

My record is 163cm. I've just sat down for a minute and got 150cm. I just want one more centimetre on my record. Now is the right time to spend a little time every day pushing my flexibility.

Doing the Splits with Arnold Schwarzenegger: Results

At the end of August I decided to test my flexibility by reading the largest book in my “to-read” pile whilst attempting the splits. This book was Total Recall: My Amazingly True Life Story, the autobiography of Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

It took exactly 2 months to read. 158cm was my stretch record at the start of the book. I varied in ability, depending on the time off I'd had from practice and the length of time I'd sat in the position. I managed to push the record up to 163cm- I work that out as being 3cm off the widest possible distance I could attain.

The hardest part of the project was a condition I refer to as “numb-bum”: getting a numb arse from being sat on the carpet too long. A condition I've not had since assembly in school, numb-bum in splits can send pins and needles down the legs, making it hard to walk when you get up after reading for long periods of time. I made a point of standing up at every page break / chapter and walking it off, but it sure slowed down the reading.

The book itself was fantastic. Highlights include Arnie leaving the handbrake off a tank and almost running over his whole platoon in training, finding out American women shave their legs, almost killing himself on a horse shooting True Lies and wrapping up Batman and Robin by having vital open-heart surgery days later. Arnie has overcome so much adversity- he dominated the bodybuilding championships throughout the 70s, he had a Hollywood career despite having a “ridiculous Austrian accent” (his words) and became a US governor despite not being born in the country.

He had absolute rock-solid belief in his abilities as a bodybuilder, as an actor and as a businessman, and later as a politician. Anyone looking to build confidence- don't bother with Dale Carnegie. Read this book instead. Anyone who believes he's just this 'roided-up actor who got lucky- think again. His last chapter, “Arnold's Rules”, can help anyone wanting to build confidence or gain direction.

It's possibly the best autobiography I've ever read.

Doing the Splits with Arnold Schwarzenegger

Earlier this month I spent some time practicing flexibility in my lower body. I did this whilst reading the shortest book in a huge pile of books that I haven't got around to reading yet. This book was the James Bond novel On Her Majesty's Secret Service. 

I made a fair bit of progress with the splits, although it will take some time before I have Van-Damme-like agility.

 

Well, you never know when it'll be handy, do you? Hence, I'm going to dive straight back into flexibility- only this time I'll turn to another muscle-bound action-movie icon. The largest book in my to-read pile is Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story, the autobiography of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I found it in The Works bookshop for £2. Bargain!

20 minutes or so a night should set me in good stead.

Doing the Splits with James Bond

This month I decided to work on flexibility. I wanted to attempt the splits over the course of a few days, and whilst sat with my legs out and open in front of me. I also wanted to get some reading done. I picked out the smallest book out of a pile of unread books: On Her Majesty's Secret Service, a James Bond novel by Ian Fleming.

I've read a couple of Bond books, so I knew what I was in for. And I've seen the dodgy movie adaptation starring the forgettable George Lazenby.

More of the same from Fleming: a professional killer, heartless and chauvinist, tries to look after a beautiful but reckless young woman under orders of her gangster father. She leads him to a criminal mastermind who threatens the world. It's an entertaining read, though, and more believable than a few others. It's also the book in which we see Bond's icy persona- unlike the backdrop of the wintertime Alps- start to melt.

To do this project properly, you will need a doorway with enough wall space on either side of it to place your feet. Sit with your knees straight and feet apart, point your thumbs down and grip on to the door frame. You'll also need a cushion under your backside unless you have an incredibly thick, soft carpet. Wear socks so your feet slide against the gloss of the skirting board. Butt-scoot in as your flexibility increases.

I started at 150cm (4'11) between my heels- the exact distance that I ended up with the last time I attempted the splits. This time I stretched to 158cm (5'2) at the peak of my ability. This was maybe half way through the book. So. If I can stretch 8cm every 250 pages (the length of On Her Majesty's Secret Service), reading another book the same size would give me- in theory- the extra 8cm (3 inches) I need to do the splits fully. But only if I continue practicing with no break...

Splits Month

I've just completed another project marrying exercise and literature. This time, I spent a month attempting the splits, whilst sitting and reading.

I was juggling another project at the time of this and didn't have the time I thought I would, but I still made steady improvement.

At the start of the month my feet were 1m 37cm apart from each other. By the end, they were 1m 50cm: a 13cm improvement. By measuring the inside of my legs- up one leg and down the other- I can work out that the distance apart my feet would be if I was doing the full splits is 1m 66cm.

By my estimation, getting that far would take just over another month, at my current pace. And my current pace hasn't been as fast as I'd hoped: as mentioned, I'd not spent as long sat in that position as I'd planned to. I'm tempted to give it another go just to see if I can get Van-Damme-level stretching. But with it being National Poetry Month I'm a little snowed under, and with summer around the corner I'll want to get out of the house and get my vit D as much as possible. Trying the splits outside when you live on a council estate in Oldham will result in the same treatment you'd get if you tried selling Al Qaeda terror training brochures from your car boot. (You'd get the crap beaten out of you.)

Advice if you're going to do this project:

1. Find a door frame that isn't at the joint of two walls. Keep the door open. I used the doorway from my lounge to my kitchen.
2. Keep a light on to illuminate the book.
3. Wear socks and soft, warm clothing.
4. Sit facing the door with your feet on the glossed skirting board. Butt-scoot in until you feel a slight strain at the top of the legs.
5. If you can, grip the door frame to stay upright and to edge your legs apart a little more. Be VERY careful with this. Don't pull a muscle. Also be sure the door isn't going to close on your fingers.
6. Stay in that position for a few minutes. When you've read a full chapter, test your flexibility. You'll soon notice a slight increase in stretching ability.

So what did I read? I was juggling two books.

Life's a Pitch: How to Sell Yourself and Your Brilliant Ideas

I picked up this Stephen Bayley / Roger Mavity joint venture in the Design Museum in Greenwich. When you want something, and someone else has it, you need to pitch them. It could be a potential romantic partner. It could be a raise in your job. You might have a great business idea that needs financial backing. This book tells you how to pitch. It's written with wit, charm, buckets of research and a few cocky, surprising revelations. I was a little confused as to the formatting, though. Quotes from the text were occasionally blown up to break up the text, like in a magazine. Isn't this done to keep the attention of the reader, who- when reading a magazine- might flip to another article? With a book, don't readers read in chronological order? So isn't this quoting unnecessary?

The content, though, was fascinating and the delivery brilliant.

Copywriting: Successful writing for design, advertising and marketing

Copywriter Mark Shaw's 2^nd edition of his guide to producing great copy is an interesting, vibrant insight into the copywriting business. Good informative writing sidles up next to replicated posters and website screenshots, with copy text reproduced alongside so you can clearly read the adverts. Well explained and presented. Most of the book covers advertising, but the final chapter delves into the online world- a good introduction to internet copywriting such as blogging and use of Twitter. The subject matter in this last section could really warrant a whole extra book, but that's a different issue.

The one missing answer in the book is to this question: how the hell do you get a job in copywriting? How do you get someone to PAY you to do this, now you know how to do it? No-one I have ever met could answer that question. Hence, I'm still a business support officer.

Practicing the splits will incur steady progress, but now I'm boxing twice a week that may still happen (as part of the cool-down we stretch off). I'll continue to occasionally test flexibility this way, but to focus on this for a full month I'd be better off trying again in autumn once it's cooled off.

Give it a shot yourself- let me know how it goes!

How Long Does it Take to Do the Splits?

Between 18 and 25 I trained in the 500-year-old noble martial art of Muay Thai, or Thai Boxing. For those that put in the time and effort, the sport develops incredible levels of strength, speed, stamina and flexibility.

I'm now 31, and I still use the gym and have recently got into boxing. My cardio and hand speed is creeping back to a standard that I once had, but my flexibility is nothing like it was. I would attempt the splits twice a week in Muay Thai training. When I was 19, I had about 30cm between my crotch and the ground. This was at the peak of my flexibility. Obviously, in boxing the lower body's abilities aren't as important as it is when training in Muay Thai. Also, when you get into your late 20s, your flexibility plummets. I thought that process would be largely irreversible... until I saw this.

Van Damme was 53 when he filmed this. I'm curious- could I get my flexibility back to my 19-year-old state? Could I surpass it and stretch more than I've ever done?

It's possible. It might take years of practice for some, but let's say that I work on this for the next month. I could do this standing, as Van Damme is in the video, or sat down with legs apart. The latter would be a much easier (and safer) way. The more time you spend on the edge of your flexibility, with your legs as wide as possible without too much discomfort, the more you'll be able to coax your legs further apart. Keep the room warm so your muscles are soft, use a wall or a couch to push your feet apart on, and let your legs adapt to an unfamiliar position.

As this will take lots of time, and I'll basically be sat eye-level with the seat of the bottom of my kitchen door for a few weeks, I may as well get a good book in as well. Review post in 1 month will be split (pun intended) between book review and project review. I'll be able to extrapolate from that data how long it would take me to complete the splits.

Current stretch: 1m 37cm.

How long it would take me to afford 2 Volvo trucks for me to do them between: who knows.