Sunday, 9 November 2014

Well, I've submitted myself to the UK Blog Awards.


For what it's worth. Think big, etc etc. I submitted Power is a State of Mind to the submissions section of the site  Here it is on the site. I'm going to forget about it, get on with blogging and enjoy my week off work. Boom!

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Meeting James Ellroy... Again.



“I write books for the the whole fucking family, if your family's name is Manson,” says James Ellroy.

5th November: I arrive at Manchester's Dancehouse Theatre just in time to buy a JD and Coke and a copy of Ellroy's brand new novel, Perfidia. Mr. Ellroy is in sales overload mode: “If you buy one thousand copies, you will get sex for the rest of your life.” He goes on to reel off quotes from Ann Sexton and TS Elliot. “We bow our heads,” he says, “and we worship literature.”

Perfidia, he tells us, is the first of a second LA Quartet- the first four books comprising of The Black Dahlia, The Big Nowhere, LA Confidential and White Jazz. Some of the characters from the first quartet will reappear as younger characters, he claims, in Perfidia and the planned further three novels. The chunk of the book he reads hints to this.

“I will now welcome your most invasive and over-personal questions,” he promises. The lights in the theatre go up. “Hey fuckers,” he says, “you look good! Did you know Richard the Third was unearthed from this spot?” A pause. “No? Fuckin' heathens. I killed Richard the Third in a previous incarnation. I just wanted you to know that.”

The Waterstones representative wants to invite questions from the audience, but Ellroy isn't ready just yet. He points at the bookstore rep. “Don't you think he looks like Tom Hardy?”

“I wish,” the rep replies with a smile.

There's a question about women- Ellroy says they play more of a part than ever in Perfidia, which “describes history as a state of yearning. Nobody embodies this like Kay Lake.

“That was a great first question.”

The next question: why write? It's agreed that should be the closing question. He'll return to that young man.

Further questions- and their detailed answers- illustrate Ellroy's writing techniques. He describes digging out chronologies, notes, plot synopses from decades ago- reprising characters from previous novels to recreate them as their younger selves. The new quartet will have “the greatest run of characters, including some real ones. I'll be reprising (corrupt police captain) Dudley, played brilliantly by James Cromwell in the 1997 movie (but not as good as the book)”.

His language, he says, comes from people he meets. “I love that shit: radical shit. Five exclamation points. Racial shit. Five exclamation points. Wild shit. Five exclamation points.”

The next question is about TV show The Wire, which in more recent seasons has been set in Baltimore as opposed to its original long-term Los Angeles home. Would he consider setting his work elsewhere?

“I saw three episodes of The Wire and I thought it was bullshit. Baltimore over LA? Fuck you!” he shouts. “Suck my dick!” He grabs his crotch.

The audience is in hysterics.

“I'm from LA,” he says. “My parents hatched me there. It's where I go when women divorce me. I write film scripts to finance the alimony.”

He's in full flow, and he reveals more of his work, his life and- most noticeably, his ego. He describes Beethoven as “The German Ellroy”, and Tolstoy as “The Russian Ellroy”. This coincidentally ties in with the next audience question: does music play a part in your storytelling?

The answer is yes. “But I hate rock and roll. Here's what I have to say to fans: grow up. Quit wearing black. Stop rebelling.” As a “classical fanatic”, Ellroy describes his red-walled music room back home, complete with Beethoven busts.

Question: After Blood's a Rover (which ends with the death of J Edgar Hoover in 1972), we thought an Ellroy take on Nixon might come next. Instead you went back to the 40s. Why?

Answer: “1972 onwards bores me. Watergate's been done to death. Besides, some of those cats are still alive, and they can sue your ass.”

An audience member describes what Ellroy does best as “nostalgia nausea”, and asks if he agrees.

“No, I live in the past,” he answers matter-of-fact. “I love it. My next project is about life on Earth, but my heart belongs in January 1942.”

Another audience member asks question I was actually wondering myself whilst reading the Underworld USA trilogy: do you plan entire trilogies or work more book-to-book?

“I love big shit,” says Ellroy, and asks if anyone's familiar with the composer Havergal Brian, whose operas are so long some have never been performed. One audience member was familiar. “It's an acquired taste,” admitted Ellroy, “but I like that big shit!

“I was a lonely boy. I'd read long books to stay away from the world. You must get strung out on amphetamines when you read these books,” he instructs us. “I want you to sacrifice the time so you enjoy it, and you'll be able to approximate the obsessiveness of the characters.”

Further questions paint a picture of the man: his sacrifices (“I'm 66. I tried being a family man. It wasn't for me. I'm a bearer, a brooder”), his dislikes (William Burroughs, Charles Bukowski, Hunter S Thompson) and his likes (the novel Watergate, written by Ellroy's sole writer friend Thomas Mallin which Ellroy describes as “breathtaking work”). He claims a Washington-based Mallin/Ellroy project is on the horizon.

He returns at this point to the earlier question, why write?

To answer, he reels off Dylan Thomas from memory.

Not for the proud man apart
From the raging moon I write
On these spindrift pages
Nor for the towering dead
With their nightingales and psalms
But for the lovers, their arms
Round the griefs of the ages,
Who pay no praise or wages
Nor heed my craft or art.

He writes crime fiction for... couples?

For the record, I met Ellroy in '09 when he released Blood's a Rover. See the writeup here

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

The Irony of Oscar Pistorius

During the prosecution of Blade Runner Oscar Pistorius, Gerrie Nel brought up an incident where the athlete put on Kendrick Lamar's Bitch Don't Kill My Vibe at a party. Here's the song:


Here's NME's writeup of the day in court, covering the incident.

Listen to that opening chorus line.

I am a sinner
Who's probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me

He'd already fired a gun in a restaurant before he killed Reeva.

I can feel the changes
I can feel a new life
I always knew life can be dangerous

Changes like prison? And he'd already been burgled and jacked on the highway. He was well aware of the dangers of living in Pretoria.

Judge Masipa should have extended his trial for not knowing what decent hip-hop is. I bet she could bust some Wu-Tang lyrics if she was pressed.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Learning to Touch Type


I've been blogging now for nearly eight years. I've improved a lot over time, and the work that I've done has matured and been refined, not unlike myself. Okay, pretentious douchebaggery ceased.

The point is, I'm trying to develop further as a writer and as a person, and a lot of my time is spent at this seat putting in the words. It would benefit me hugely if I learned to type properly. It would save a lot of time, and would assist me both with my blogging and with my job, which also involves a lot of typing.

Hence, I've downloaded Klavaro, an open-source touch typing tutor program. I'm hoping it will help me to increase my typing speed within a month. Have you used it? What did you think of it?

Sunday, 2 November 2014

Sorry about this Gerrie Nel impression.

Here's me doing South African Prosecutor Gerrie Nel, who's direct and brutal interrogation resulted in the incarceration of gun-maniac killer and paralympic sprinter Oscar Pistorius.


Thursday, 30 October 2014

Doing the Splits with Arnold Schwarzenegger: Results


At the end of August I decided to test my flexibility by reading the largest book in my “to-read” pile whilst attempting the splits. This book was Total Recall: My Amazingly True Life Story, the autobiography of Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

It took exactly 2 months to read. 158cm was my stretch record at the start of the book. I varied in ability, depending on the time off I'd had from practice and the length of time I'd sat in the position. I managed to push the record up to 163cm- I work that out as being 3cm off the widest possible distance I could attain.

The hardest part of the project was a condition I refer to as “numb-bum”: getting a numb arse from being sat on the carpet too long. A condition I've not had since assembly in school, numb-bum in splits can send pins and needles down the legs, making it hard to walk when you get up after reading for long periods of time. I made a point of standing up at every page break / chapter and walking it off, but it sure slowed down the reading.

The book itself was fantastic. Highlights include Arnie leaving the handbrake off a tank and almost running over his whole platoon in training, finding out American women shave their legs, almost killing himself on a horse shooting True Lies and wrapping up Batman and Robin by having vital open-heart surgery days later. Arnie has overcome so much adversity- he dominated the bodybuilding championships throughout the 70s, he had a Hollywood career despite having a “ridiculous Austrian accent” (his words) and became a US governor despite not being born in the country.

He had absolute rock-solid belief in his abilities as a bodybuilder, as an actor and as a businessman, and later as a politician. Anyone looking to build confidence- don't bother with Dale Carnegie. Read this book instead. Anyone who believes he's just this 'roided-up actor who got lucky- think again. His last chapter, “Arnold's Rules”, can help anyone wanting to build confidence or gain direction.

It's possibly the best autobiography I've ever read.

Monday, 27 October 2014

Today is World Day for Audiovisual Heritage

In 2005, the United Nations declared 27th October as the annual World Day for Audiovisual Heritage. What does this mean for you and I?

That depends on how much you care about preserving recorded material, which admittedly is a nerdy passion. But whatever. I'm interested. You'll possibly be familiar with Throwback Thursday, or #tbt on social media- the trend of uploading old pictures once a week. These are normally developed photographs which were scanned in and saved as JPEG, then uploaded to the internet. Audiovisual content, though, is more than pictures- it's video and sound recordings too. Where might these be found? Cupboards at home. Picture albums. Boxes of VHS tapes in the loft. Many possible places.

Video is a format that people are particularly keen to protect- we've been using VHS for decades, and still do. They can last up to 10-25 years in proper storage. But once they're digitised, the quality never drops- so get transferring! Either wire up your DVD recorder, VHS player and TV together... or take it to Max Spielmann.

Next step: upload. Facebook is a difficult platform to properly share on, as most people choose the “friends only” level of security. And even then, there's no way to search for videos on Facebook. Youtube is a better bet as you can add the relevant tags to the video, making it more searchable. Pictures can be uploaded to the likes of Twitter, personal blogs, Flickr and Instagram, but remember to properly tag them so that people searching for that content can find it. Otherwise the only the people who will stumble across it are those scrolling in their Thursday timeline.

Upload it to the site that you'd like the most traffic on. For me, that's this blog.

Then: share via social media. Let people know that the content is there and preserved online. Think about who would be particularly interested. Who's in the picture? If it's a local celebrity, would the local papers be curious? They will more than likely have a Twitter account, which is a good platform for sharing links, so show them from that site.

In essence- use today as an excuse to rummage through your old tapes, and get preserving those memories!