Saturday 29 February 2020

Phones Out of Bedrooms: Results

A month ago I made an attempt to address my rabid smartphone addiction that has disturbed my sleep pattern, my mood, my diet and, subsequently, my weight.

I've kept my phone in the lounge at night for the last month. The first night, I slept brilliantly. After that, not so much. I've never slept particularly well my whole life, and this has more than likely been a contributing factor to lifelong issues like stunted growth (I'm 168cm, or 5'6) and bad diet (either over or under-eating; the last decade or so it's definitely been the former of those 2). That said, for the last month I've eaten clean.

I've been focussing on a series of movements at the gym in an attempt to beat a few personal bests. One of these was 10-minute run, something I haven't improved upon since 2013, when I was a LOT lighter. Over the last month I've made no progress on this despite hammering the treadmill over and over. It's my longest-standing record, and for good reasons- I hate running, and having put on weight due to years of antidepressants, I've got progressively worse at it instead of better. Why do I bother? WHY?

Another movement was horizontal dumbbell fly, something I managed to match but not beat, and another was dips, with the same result. I was so close with dips, but then came down with a cold right before the deadline.

I started the project at 84.85kg (13'5).

I ended it at 85.1kg (still 13'5).

I still feel that sleeping without my phone was a huge benefit and I plan to keep this routine.

Thursday 27 February 2020

#tbt Beermats: Week 32












Wednesday 26 February 2020

Once Upon a Time in Great Britain: Part 14

Callum smiles at Devant, sinister, proud of his latest killing.

Devant pulls out a silenced Glock 17 and shoots Callum in the hand. He’s a good shot.

Callum SREAMS.

Tom is frozen stiff with fear, convinced he’s going to die.

Balaclava 2 takes 2 tea towels twists one and offers it to Balaclava 1,who’s trying to shut out the pain. As he bites down, his Balaclava twists out of shape.

DEVANT
I expect you’ll want an explanation, Tom.

Devant pulls out a DVD from his overcoat. He takes it out of the case and puts it in the drive.

Balaclava 2 yanks the knife out quickly. Blood spurts all over him. Balaclava 1 SCREAMS. Balaclava 2 takes the other tea towel and ties it tight around the wound.

The DVD shows CCTV footage from a police station. Callum is sat in a room talking to a technician on computer. The techie is making a photo fit image. As Callum talks, the face changes shape, the hair shortens, and the image starts to look like Tom. The technician applies a darker skin-tone. Now it really resembles our narrator. After a few adjustments to the hairline and jaw line, it’s practically Tom’s image on screen. It becomes, we realise, Tom’s photo fit image from the news report.

DEVANT
I didn’t spend all this time and money solving this country’s problems just to have everything ruined by an unstable sixteen-year-old with a vendetta. With regards to the censor's office, what’s done is done Tom. And I can clear it up. I won’t have to clear your name because they will never find you- unless, of course, Callum walks out of this room.

Callum is sobbing uncontrollably.


DEVANT
You’ll never have to kill again. You’ll never have to worry about money.

FLASHBACKS
The Job Centre exploding.

The burned-out car.

Firing at the police and security, chasing him outside the sensor’s office.

The clip from Apocalypse Now.

MARLON BRANDO’S VOICE
The strength to do that…

Tom takes the gun from Devant. Devant nods to the other men. They leave.

Tom looks Callum in the eye and shoots him in the head. A look of determination changes instantly to apathy.

DEVANT
Good choice, Tom. The worst is over. You did as you were told. But Callum… he had issues. He liked his films too much. The two psychologists that I’d sent him to had no idea how unstable he was. They knew he had... a condition. He’d had a hard day. His work colleagues were making his life difficult, he felt under pressure from breaking the law and the secrets he kept. Then he found out that his legitimate job in fast food and his work colleagues didn’t exist any more. And all he wanted was to go home, watch a film and forget about the world. But the film was edited for violence. Because of his condition, that is one thing Callum could not tolerate. So he went behind my back, found out as much information about the censors as he could, then made a plan to kill them all. The people he killed only edit current news, so the people who edited his film weren't even targeted. They're in London. The people he killed were helping the campaign's PR. He's caused me a lot of problems. But anyway, he needed a getaway driver and a scapegoat. So he stumbled across you… It didn’t really go to plan for him. But now all of this is over, you probably want to ask the same question that anyone drowning in self pity would ask. 'Why me?'

He points to the TV.

CCTV footage flickers to life.

Tom, in his student days, is on the street at night. He has a girl on his arm.

We’ve seen this event in the opening scene, but not from this angle. A tall man argues with Tom. The girl steps into the argument. BAM! Tall man punches the girl in the face, hard. Her head flies back.

Tom SNAPS. He punches the man three times, throws a knee in that drops him, then Tom kicks him twice in the stomach and once in the face.

The video cuts.

The video now shows Tom working in the computer office. We saw some of this in the opening scene too, but it’s a continuation of this. At the edge of the shop floor, the manager’s office door flies open. Tom marches out, angered. Tom turns and shouts back into the office. We can lip read 'Fuck you!' Tom walks out. A nicely aligned, 2-metre-high stack of printer paper has been constructed on the shop floor. Tom pushes it all over. Customers jolt. The manager emerges, a little cautious, and glances to the camera.

TOM
You found all this out overnight?

DEVANT
No. We were watching you, Tom. We’ve been watching since you enrolled at university. Then we sent you the letter and hoped you’d turn up at the recruitment fair. It has taken me until now to get this campaign organised. Besides, how else would you get away with what you did? You broke that man’s eye socket and two of his ribs.

Tom gets the shivers. Devant knows so much about him.

DEVANT
We knew you were perfect for the role. You’re intelligent and hard working, like a lot of graduates, but you are also resilient and strong-willed. We knew you wouldn’t fold under the pressure.

TOM (Sarky)
Not even when you put my photo fit image on national television! Have I made you proud?

Devant leans on the doorway. He relaxes his business persona.

DEVANT
Tom… Getting a terrorist campaign passed through parliament would never have been the easiest thing to do. So we didn’t even try to pass it. The government have been very… particular about terrorism since Guy Fawkes got caught. Not many MPs know that I orchestrated the events in Manchester yesterday. Some of the few that do didn’t agree with it. They wanted the campaign stopped. They must have a problem with developing public health and well-being-

Tom cuts him off.

TOM
Right, first off- that is bollocks. And it’s not about testing graduates abilities either. Tell me the truth or I will do nothing for you.

DEVANT
It’s all of those and more, Tom. There are people stopping this country developing, very influential businessmen- people in power who could very easily persuade members of parliament not to follow the Prime Minister’s plans. These people are afraid of change, even though everyone agrees- change is all that is needed. I needed help with this, so I looked for a graduate. Someone who was looking for a challenge: a life-changing opportunity, who wanted it so bad they’d approach a stranger at an unmarked stall at a recruitment event full of adverts. I wanted someone proactive. The only encouragement I gave you was was posting you a leaflet. I knew you had a history of violence…

TOM’S FACE suggests, 'Oh, come on…'

DEVANT (Cont)
And I figured you could handle it. Other people, other graduates, and my colleagues, they couldn't.

TOM (realising)
That's why that guy tried to stab me!

DEVANT (genuinely concerned)
Someone tried to stab you?

TOM
In the middle of the street, Devant, he came right at me. I killed him too.

DEVANT
Was he- was he in all black, with sunglasses?

TOM
Yes. Yes, he was.

DEVANT
Where?

TOM
The back alley by Boots.

DEVANT
I will have it cleaned up. Tom, I have put you through a lot in the last few days. I planned a lot of it, but I didn't plan that and I apologise. Do you understand how close we came to losing? He must have been the last one. The rest are dead. I've had confirmation.

Devant nods to the screen. The images now show Tom, more recently, suited and booted, walking into the Job Centre, about to hand over the package.

Tom in the GUM clinic, package in hand.

And from a distance, Tom walking into McD’s.

Certifiable damning evidence of his guilt. It looks like Tom was walking into each place with full knowledge of what he was going to do. It looks like he was brainwashed from the start. His enthusiasm for the job looks like his enthusiasm for terrorism.

DEVANT
Your face was used because the other MP’s wanted the campaign stopped. You were the scapegoat. (Pause) Thankfully, as the government has at least some control over illegal immigration, we have a plentiful supply of scapegoats of our own. It wasn’t difficult for our contacts to pin it on someone who looks like you. Round about now the police will be killing an unknown foreigner who they will later accuse of the attacks. Now. You have a choice: go to the police – I don’t think you want to know what would happen if you did, but I’m advising you against it- or stay on the payroll. There’ll be more control, more power, more money.

TOM
What am I doing?

DEVANT (off the cuff)
You’ll have absolute control of all piracy in Manchester. All you have to do is find a legitimate cover job. Part time.

TOM
Not really a choice, is it…

FADE OUT

FADE UP

INT.COMMUNITY CENTRE-DAY

The building is housing a career guidance centre of sorts: like the Job Centre, but everybody in there is being designated a job. An employment officer is talking to a reluctant young man in a tracksuit.

EMPLOYMENT OFFICER
What are you going to do? You either turn up at 9am, or I hand you over to custody.

RELUCTANT YOUNG MAN
It's only 22 hours.

EMPLOYMENT OFFICER
There are other people who need this work too. You're job sharing.

It’s much more efficient. Employers stand in a group, looking for candidates. They don’t have stalls like in the recruitment fair. A sign on the wall states:

EMPLOYMENT GUARANTEED!

TOM (V.O)
Looks like I’m back in admin again. The cycle repeats itself… I’d be quite happy to update customer details for the rest of my fucking life, just as long as I’m not opening the post for everyone. You don't know what might be inside those packages. My CV’s not improved in months, but I’m not signing on- none of us are- and I know whatever job I get into I’m not going to be in it long. Because Devant needs me. The government needs me. What I’m about to take over is going to cause a lot of misery for a lot of people. But it’s not my misery. I’ve got a piracy network all to myself, not to mention a luxury city centre apartment. I know that I can take this. I can handle whatever card I’m dealt, no matter how much ammonium nitrate it’s been dipped in. There is nothing that can hurt me now.

ZOOM OUT

Tom is just another jobseeker in a room full of jobseekers, joining a queue.

FADE OUT

END