Annual Leave.

 “I’m an insomniac. Any insomniacs in the room?... ANY INSOMN- … God knows what causes it. I lie awake for hours wondering about that.”

-Jasper Carrot

Well- I had a week off. And I had plans.

Did I watch both parts of French crime movie Mesrine, back-to-back? No.

Did I get some writing published? No.

Did I go on an internet date via plentyoffish? No.

Did I find a better-paying job? No.

Did I finish reading The Game by Neill Strauss and put his dating advice into practice? No.

Did I go to the closing night at the Manchester Ritz? No.

What did I achieve, then?

Well- I threw out copious amounts of stuff from my old bedroom at my mum’s house then dragged tons of remaining belongings to my flat. Now the decorating is complete there’s entire cupboards no longer stocked with old curtains and paint cans. I even killed two birds with one stone by wearing my Mexican poncho and sombrero while driving back from Mum’s, then storing it on top of my wardrobe. (Obviously it was the non-essentials that got binned.)

Just look at that whisky collection, would you?! Masterful. It’s taken YEARS to accumulate to this size.

There’s STILL more stuff to bring over, though. I’m saving the TV ‘til last because a) the majority of TV is garbage and I hadn’t watched it at home for over a year and b) I’m reluctant to buy a TV license. Oh, and c) I don’t have a stand to put it on.

I also got some careers advice from Highways to Opportunities in Oldham , started an abs class at Oldham Community Leisure (a great stomach workout and one I hope I stick with), got a free haircut from the students at Oldham College who did a fantastic job, then I wrestled with insomnia, bought some sleeping pills, used some kind of sleeping lotion drops, ate loads of bananas (which supposedly level out the sugar imbalances that cause a lack of sleep), drank hot chocolate… And I still lie awake. Great.

This could be why I only sent out about a quarter of the writing I wanted to when hammering literature site Duotrope.com.  I just don’t have the energy to focus on what I’m sending out. But I WILL get these pieces published. Stay tuned.

Then, I failed to grasp how to use Ebay and hence failed to sell an Alien Vs Predator game for the Mac… and then I mourned the loss of this crazy guy.

I never had Sky growing up so I formed my WWF knowledge from sticker albums and word-of-mouth from people whose parents had Sky. The day I found out it was all acting was the first time my world collapsed. I felt utterly cheated, discovering that leaping off a metre-high post and elbowing someone in the head would actually result in massive brain trauma. But the muscle-men do it! I told the judge. Ironically- and in all seriousness- in 2007, I joined a Mixed Martial Arts gym. Wrestling and Muay Thai? WWF without the miming.

Macho Man Randy Savage will be missed. What a legend. Oh YEAH!

Did anyone go to the closing night at The Ritz? The old pre-war iconic Manchester building, once a cinema, lastly a club with a springy dance floor, closed its doors on Saturday 21^st. If anyone attended the closing party and you fancy doing a write-up, I’d love to host it. Tell us what happened and what you thought. If anything surprising happened, I’d love to hear about it. Was it any good? Is it true that The Ritz is reopening in a few weeks? Or that HMV is moving into its basement? Are you enjoying this non-information-dump? Why am I tailoring my blog to sound like James Ellroy's fictional Hush-hush magazine?

Now if you'll excuse me, I must get back to my bottle of Kalms sleeping tabletzzzzzzzz……