Journaling – the Stories we Tell Ourselves

“You don’t need to call yourself a journaler,” the organiser tells us - “the emphasis is reflective writing.”  

Hinterland is a CIC – Community Interest Company, and tonight - 13th August - is the second Journaling Club ran by the vegan restaurant. The main writing prompts revolved around the theme of The Stories we Tell Ourselves. 

Prompt: ‘I came here because…’  

I came here because the last group was really interesting. I got good practice with journaling and met some cool people. I’m always looking for something different to try out and I was in Manchester anyway after a restaurant trip with family. How do I make this interesting for the blog post? And why the fuck did I wear black on a hot day like this? Why not shorts? What a ridiculous decision. This is, however, a departure from the norm of cocktail bars, steak houses and the sports centre. I can’t stay in watching Viking dramas all week.    

The organiser asked us where our ideas for journaling may come from, and what elements get filtered out or chosen either for writing or are just the thoughts we may have about ourselves. We came up with suggests as a group and I copied this from the flipchart:

Second journaling event at Hinterland Manchester, 13/8/25, this time on the theme 'The Stories we Tell Ourselves.'

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— Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 (@matttuckey.bsky.social) August 17, 2025 at 10:00 AM

The next prompt: ‘I sometimes assume I’m the kind of person who…’ 

Isn’t smart enough to do what other people do. A lot of my colleagues do all sorts of work that I wouldn’t have a clue how to do. But then I remind myself that a lot of what other people do, they can because they can remember the processes, not because they have some innate ability that I lack. I have to remind myself that a psychologist I saw when I was 9 years old told me I had the reading age of a 14-year-old. That I got writing published in a local paper when I was 15. That I edited pre-recorded radio shows that went out on air when I was 22/23.  

The facilitator here (at Hinterland) has asked us, ‘what’s underneath this?’ Mistakes I make due to memory are embarrassing. When you don’t get diagnosed til you’re 27, your character gets framed during a period when you don’t have any understanding of why you can’t do what you need to. 

The gong is tapped, indicating the end of the writing time. 

Next we’re given 4 prompts on the board to choose from:  

If I allowed myself to let go of the story… 

Short story: Once Upon a Time… 

Letter: Dear… 

Myth: There once lived someone brilliant… 

Ideally, I’d have come up with something for ideas 2 3 or 4, but it just wasn’t happening, so I did what the NHS repeatedly tells me not to and ran around my own head, settling for the first idea.  

If I allowed myself to let go of the story, I’d probably spend the rest of my days approaching every attractive woman I saw at all times. The story I hold is that I’m not going to be good enough. It’s a lifelong problem stemming from primary school, or mainly secondary. It’s such a stupid reason to live an unhappy life. I think I’d probably find the right person without the fear. I’ve done it so many times, though – broken through the fear and met people I’ve been enamoured with, only to find they’re from Lincoln, or they’re not that bothered. 

The gong hits again. The organiser flips the chart. The new discussion points:  

What does it mean to be part of a tribe or community? 

What’s your role in the community? 

How can I feel the feeling under the story? 

How can I feel the story differently? 

Dwelling in the feeling 

Be with it. 

After a chat on this, the session ends here. 

Hinterland’s events offer up something different – an alcohol free environment, vegan food, engaging discussion, a good mix of people.

Hip Hop Club Night / Jeremy Corbyn in Oldham

Club night Saturday anyone? New club Continental opened some weeks ago on South King St, off Deansgate. Think hip hop, bottle shows and potentially a few celebs. Guestlist pending. UPDATE: Guestlist full. It's not happening.

Manchester Nightlife is NOT headed there Saturday.

This weekend Manchester goes Italian for Festa Italiana, a celebration of culture, food and heritage. I might take a look time allowing. Love a pizza. Hardly Viking, but intriguing. 

This week Oldham welcomes Jeremy Corbyn, leader of newly-fored Your Party. See Eventbrite for details. Thursday, Empire Suite, Chadderton, 5:30pm. 

On the blog I’ve got a piece on a journaling event and another on travel passes.

Do You Need Attention Training?

In 2025 we are awash with distractions, mostly from our smartphones. We fill our SD cards with apps for different websites, which then ping off to notify us of things that are largely irrelevant to our everyday lives. Sometimes it’s a reply to something we’ve said online, but a lot of the time it’s something a friend has done that isn’t relevant to us, an annoying feature that has emerged on various platforms in the last few years. Add to that the addictive nature of doomscrolling – largely on Instagram – and before you know it you’ve spent 5 hours on your phone doing very little (which can be confirmed by another available app that monitors your screen time). 

Away from phones, there are other screens- TVs, computers – at home and at work – there are distractions in the office, in the lounge, in bars. Your focus is constantly being syphoned off by a multitude of sources. 

Have we forgotten how to pay attention? It seems that I possibly have. I’ve received some treatment for anxiety in recent weeks. A long-standing problem, my habit of letting my brain shoot off in different directions has been contributing to spikes in my anxiety for decades. 

The NHS have helped me with this a little bit. Dr C has encouraged me to try to develop tunnel vision, to focus on the individual I’m speaking to, or to the task at hand. He’s suggesting I try not to absorb everything that’s happening, meaning my mind shoots off on tangents, but to focus deeply on one thing, what’s most important, and forget the rest. 

I doubt I’m the only person who thinks that’s easier said than done, and it seems I’m right – Dr C showed me some YouTube videos called Attention Training, an audiovisual tool designed to develop a deeper focus on the one thing that you’re trying to do. Whether you’re trying to quell anxiety in conversations (like I am) or focus deeper on a piece of work (which I also am) or some other task that involves ignoring distractions, the Attention Training will, in theory, help to tune out the noise and allow you to think clearly and control your emotions. 

See also, Attention Gym. 

These videos have millions of hits, and the comments show that other therapists worldwide, not just mine, are recommending these videos. Some are purely audio, some are purely visual, some a mix of both. 

The videos all follow a similar formula: many different things happen at once, with instructions requiring you to focus on one of these things. A small shape appears on a black screen and moves across it. You’re asked to follow it with your eyes. Soon, other shapes in different colours join the frame, and move in different ways designed to distract you – they spin, they turn, they rebound of the corners of the screen like a 90s screensaver. But we’re still asked to focus on the original shape, to ignore the distractions and stay focussed on the task at hand. 

The audio-emphasis exercises are loaded with similar distraction. The video – a black screen with text - will start with a ticking clock. A car’s engine will intrude on the sound, then a steam train, then you’ll be transported aurally to a greasy spoon cafeteria. These sounds will overlap, but your task is to read the text instructions and focus on whichever sound is described on screen. You need to identify the matching sound and cut out the cacophony from your mind. It’s no easy task. With time, though, I should be able to focus more deeply and not have my mind wonder off into some irrelevant thought or stressing over whether I’m doing it right. 

So, how is this relevant to real life? 

Concentration span has always been an issue for me, right from infant class. I’m now 43, and I’m still drifting off at times. For example, I’m embarrassed how long this blog post has taken to write, to be honest. Dr C has advised that not only will a deeper, narrower focus help me to understand things, it means the anxiety – over whether I’m good enough for the people I’m talking to, whether I’m ‘fitting in,’ whether memory difficulties are marking me out as different in some way – will be quietened as my attention will be on the other person in the conversation, not myself. 

These things might sound like ridiculous things to stress over, but when you strip everything away, this is my underlying problem. 

It would be a good idea to blog again on this issue in a month’s time, to see whether there’s any real-world changes to my attention and mental state. 

In the meantime, have a go yourself.

Before 44

Time to list out a few targets for the upcoming year. 

1) Second bodybuilding month 

I spent a month living like a bodybuilder a couple of years ago. Using Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Encyclopedia of Bodybuilding, I set out a structure for working out twice a day Monday to Fridays, Once on Saturdays and rested Sundays. 

I managed to beat quite a few PBs, and tried a few recipes, upping my meat and veg intake. There was a certain difference in physique evident by the end of it. 

Since then my gym has been refurbished – very recently in fact – and there’s much more access to different machines. Because of lack of access, there are some records – like bench press – that have been left standing for over a decade. With a few more of these machines in the gym room, now’s the time to build on that. 

Minimal cardio, minimal bodyweight movements. Just weight training. 

2) Get back into suit trousers 

I know to get into my 30” suit trousers I’ve got to be under 72.2kg. I’m about 80. I’ve done it twice in recent years (most recently in June). I can do it again. 

3) Veganuary 

I did this vegan challenge last January. Interesting experience. Didn’t quite lose the weight I wanted, but it would be interesting to do it again but also cut back on grains, oats and fruits. Veg veg veg. 

4) Reading month 

I have a humongous to-read pile. Some of these are non-fiction, others fiction. Some big books, some small. It would be good to whip through a few of the shortest in one month. It’d make an eclectic blog post. I’d have to finish the 2 I’m reading currently though. 

5) 50 wpm typing 

Along with the blogging, I type a lot in work. If I could get my speed up from my current PB of 47 words per minute to 50, I could do my job quicker and blog faster too. BBC Dance Mat is a free package, but it’s for primary school kids. It’s where I last brushed up, though, and it helped me improve. I’ll have a look for other free programs. 

6) Tweet for chaos 

For years now, I’ve been keeping lists of people on my phone. Anti-vaxxers, Zionists, Trumpster Republicans. Mentioning that certain people (usually celebrities of some kind) fit into these categories – particularly while they’re trending – usually gets a bit of attention. It isn’t long before people are following up and checking the blog link in my bio. They might not like my writing, but regardless, the hits go through the roof. I’m at 1,426,000 hits at the time of writing. 

7) See more of Scandinavia 

Went to Copenhagen in April last year. Incredible city. I really want to see more of that region of the world, but a lot of key Viking museums – the main interest I have in the area – are closed for refurbishment at the moment. Other areas are just a pain in the arse to get to, requiring multiple flights for a relatively short trip. So things are on hold for the moment. 

8) See more of the rest of the world 

Looking at cheap deals allows you to get to some random destinations across Europe if you time it right. It depends what you’re into, but Europe is chock full of culture. Skyscanner always have deals on, although they’re not as cheap as I remember them being pre pandemic. Easyjet has Paris, Majorca and Split (Croatia) for under £20 one way. 

So. 8 targets in 12 months. I just need to finish this current Viking project and I can start anew.

Try Dave's Hot Chicken with Us

This week: 

2 new meetup groups have opened up: Manchester Activity Group and Manchester Motivation Group. Both pretty self-explanatory. 

Journal Club Wednesday at Hinterland. The last one (the first one) was really interesting. There’s a meetup on Manc Mates. Discussion and practice on the art of journaling, on the theme of Freedom according to Eventbrite. That’s the same theme as last time. Dunno if that’s a mistake. 

Thursday night: Poetry night again at Hinterland. I have nothing to read out. I just can’t think of anything that would work. So I’ll probably miss it, but if anyone else likes a good poem... 

Saturday Night: Manchester Nightlife is out once again this time to new food outlet Dave’s Hot Chicken in the Printworks. There are a million fried chicken outlets. Will this be better? It’s certainly newer. Come find out. We might do a few drinks around there after.

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Later that night British UFC fighter Lerone Murphy takes on Aaron Pico in UFC 319. I’d like to watch it. It’s not easy to find places that do. 

Also, on the blog, a review of the last year and some goals for the next one.

Kale and Borlotti Minestrone

I turned to Rukmini Iyer's The Green Roasting Tin for this one. 

 

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First attempt at this was 28th April. Prep time took substantially longer than it should have as I was too lazy to wash up before cooking, meaning I had to do the 2 at once. Should have been 15. Took me about 45. Furthermore, it didn’t help that I forgot to put the can of chopped tomatoes in and basically fried everything in the pot while it was in the oven, then gave it an extra 10 once I’d noticed the unopened can and bunged in the contents. It tasted okay, but I didn’t want to be defeated by a recipe. 

I had another go 15th May. 27 min prep time this time. Well. This time I couldn’t find Borlotti beans as Tesco – the only one of 3 local supermarkets that stock it – had ran out. I used chickpeas instead.

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Again, it tasted… okay. I’m appreciative of the nutrients. 

Of course, I forgot to write up this blog post for 2 weeks. It’s 31/5 at the time of writing. I’m also appreciative of Teeline notes, a blog posting system and social media...

Before 43 Review

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It’s that time of year again. I turned 43 recently. A year ago, I set out some goals for the year. How did I do? 

1) Get 1000 members in Manchester Nightlife 

Well, that didn’t happen. Running Meetup groups is a real test of will: some people who join will become good friends, some will generally be good people but you won’t know them that well, some you’ll meet once and never see again, some will attend regularly but cause enough problems for you to block them from the group, and some will – instead of having a conversation with you - go onto Reddit and drag your name through the mud. It’s a rollercoaster. Still, the group has a 4.6 out of 5 star rating on Meetup. Can’t be that bad. I had 200 a year ago, I’ve now got over 580. We’ve had some great nights out, and I have a plethora of other ideas that I want to do. 

2) See more of Scandinavia 

I travelled to Copenhagen in April last year. Great holiday. I’ve been meaning to try another Scandi capital but I’m only just putting these plans in place now. Looks like Stockholm could be on the cards soon. 

3) A third Viking project 

I’m in the middle of this now, watching tons of Viking dramas on Netflix and working out loads. Steadily getting back to old PBs, and setting some new ones. I’m cooking a lot of Viking recipes, with varying results. This will end when I’ve exhausted Netflix’s Viking content. Still to watch: 2 more seasons of Vikings Valhalla, 1 season of Vinland Saga, and the Last Kingdom movie, Seven Kings Must Die. Throughout this, I’m doing a ton of chin-ups. I must mix more gym sessions in too. The beard is coming on, though. 

4) See other parts of the world 

This hasn’t really happened. I’ve been to Tenerife for a second time, and am likely to go back next year. 

5) Teeline for a month again 

Didn’t get around to focussing on shorthand this year. I need to, though, as I look back over my notes sometimes and they’re utter gibberish. I have improved, though, every time I’ve tried to learn it. 

6) Learn Nunchucks 

This I focussed on for a month in March, developing some competence. Good fun. 

7) Excess Month Again 

I didn’t manage to pencil off a month for living my life to excess. I planned to involve a load of food, drugs and alcohol, and regular blogging, but I just didn’t get around to it. Too much dieting. So an attempt to channel my inner Hunter S Thompson will have to wait. I had tried this in 2017. 

8) Veganuary 

I did go vegan successfully for the month of January. Interesting experience of shopping, cooking and working out. I’m planning to do it again next year, but even stricter, limiting bread and porridge, and focussing on the veg. The aim: hit fitness and weight goals. 

9) Touch type for a month again 

This didn’t happen. Will try again this coming 12 months. I’ve been trying this on and off since 2014. Sure would help in work and with blogging. 

10) Get back into the 30” suit trousers again 

I did manage this at the end of June. I was hoping to have done it in time for a holiday in late May, but better late than never. Predictably, I piled a lot of it back on. With this Viking thing, I’m steadily taking it off again. 78.1 is a long way off 72.2kg, but here we are. 

So. 3 out of 10. Oh well. It was fun.

Running out of ideas for Manchester Nightlife.

Most of what I wanted to do I’ve done. Bar crawls like Deansgate and Spinningfields. Peter St. Big food halls like Mackie Mayor and Diecast. I really want more house music nights but these are increasingly hard to come by. I managed a night in Off the Square and another in Exhibition, which were both great nights, but it’s finding them running that’s the difficulty. A lot are one-offs. Or they’re monthly things that die off after a few months. 

I do want to focus on 2 things: food and house music. Some attendees were keen for another Diecast meetup. Suits me. I really want to get to Eastern Bloc (running all year) or Warehouse Project (September to Christmas) for good house DJs. I just haven’t thought it through, and as a result I haven’t uploaded anything for this coming Saturday. 

There are, however, 2 events before then. Thursday night: Vegan alcohol-free bar Hinterland runs their monthly philosophy evening, offering 'a stimulating exploration of Wisdom and Imagination in Community.' I’m making a concerted effort to trying other people’s events, not just running my own, and this one intrigues me. I know nothing about philosophy, but the chances are people there will be able to hold a conversation and will grasp the concept of turning up on time and following instructions. 

Let's find out with Manchester Psychology Social Group. 

Friday night: a WeRoad – large, generic but generally friendly meetup – happens in Box on Deansgate, so I may make an appearance. You might. 

You might also take a look at the new Dave’s Hot Chicken, a food outlet opened this week in The Printworks. It’s only a stonethrow away from Box. Kinda.

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So yeah, if you have any ideas for meetups that suit Manchester Nightlife, hit me up.

43

Had a birthday. Ate food with family. 

 

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Ran a meetup to Diecast. Ate more food, a giant pizza this time. Got drunk. Had more attendees than I think I’ve ever had at an event. There were 25 on the list at one point. Most of them arrived. Came home early via bus. Great music, great people. No fallouts or anything. May run more to bigger venues like this - they seem to be popular.

Saturday night in Diecast Manchester. Cuatro, Bodeguita, pina colada, bbq chicken pizza.

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— Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 (@matttuckey.bsky.social) August 3, 2025 at 7:25 PM

Dancers in Diecast last night

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— Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 (@matttuckey.bsky.social) August 3, 2025 at 7:26 PM

Went to a family barbecue. 

Continued chugging through this Viking project. Encroaching on some old workout PBs. Now out of cereal and porridge. 

Surpassed 1.4 million hits on the blog. Got more hits in July – 70 thousand – than I’ve had in any other month.

Attention Training to Combat Anxiety

In 2025 we are awash with distractions, mostly from our smartphones. We fill our SD cards with apps for different websites, which then ping off to notify us of things that are largely irrelevant to our everyday lives. Sometimes it’s a reply to something we’ve said online, but a lot of the time it’s something a friend has done that isn’t relevant to us, an annoying feature that has emerged on various platforms in the last few years. 

Add to that the addictive nature of doomscrolling – largely on Instagram – and before you know it you’ve spent 5 hours on your phone doing very little (which can be confirmed by another available app that monitors your screen time). Away from phones, there are other screens- TVs, computers – at home and at work – there are distractions in the office, in the lounge, in bars. Your focus is constantly being syphoned off by a multitude of sources. 

Have we forgotten how to pay attention? 

It seems that I possibly have. I’ve received some treatment for anxiety in recent weeks. A long-standing problem, my habit of letting my brain shoot off in different directions has been spiking my anxiety for decades. The NHS have helped me with this a little bit. Dr C has encouraged me to try to develop tunnel vision, to focus on the individual I’m speaking to, or to the task at hand. He’s suggesting I try not to absorb everything that’s happening, meaning my mind shoots off on tangents, but to focus deeply on one thing, what’s most important, and forget the rest. 

I doubt I’m the only person who thinks that’s easier said than done, and it seems I’m right – Dr C showed me some YouTube videos called Attention Training, an audiovisual tool designed to develop a deeper focus on the one thing that you’re trying to do. Whether you’re trying to quell anxiety in conversations (like I am) or focus deeper on a piece of work (which I also am) or some other task that involves ignoring distractions, the Attention Training will, in theory, help to tune out the noise and allow you to think clearly and control your emotions. 

For more practice focusing, see also Attention Gym. These videos have millions of hits, and the comments show that other therapists worldwide, not just mine, are recommending these videos. Some are purely audio, some are purely visual, some a mix of both. The videos all follow a similar formula: many different things happen at once, with audio instructions requiring you to focus on one of these things. A small shape appears on a black screen and moves across it. You’re asked to follow it with your eyes. Soon, other shapes in different colours join the frame, and move in different ways designed to distract you – they spin, they turn, they rebound of the corners of the screen like a 90s screensaver. But we’re still asked to focus on the original shape, to ignore the distractions and stay focussed on the task at hand. 

The audio-emphasis exercises are loaded with similar distraction. The video – a black screen with text - will start with a ticking clock. A car’s engine will intrude on the sound, then a steam train, then you’ll be transported aurally to a greasy spoon cafeteria. These sounds will overlap, but your task is to read the text instructions and focus on whichever sound is described on screen. You need to identify the matching sound and cut out the cacophony from your mind. 

It’s no easy task. With time, though, I should be able to focus more deeply and not have my mind wonder off into some irrelevant thought or stressing over whether I’m doing it right. 

So, how is this relevant to real life? Concentration span has always been an issue for me, right from infant class. I’m now 43, and I’m still drifting off at times. For example, I’m embarrassed how long this blog post has taken to write, to be honest. Dr C has advised that not only will a deeper, narrower focus help me to understand things, it means the anxiety – over whether I’m good enough for the people I’m talking to, whether I’m ‘fitting in,’ whether memory difficulties are marking me out as different in some way – will be quietened as my attention will be on the other person in the conversation, not myself. These things might sound like ridiculous things to stress over, but when you strip everything away, this is my underlying problem. 

Other people have their own reasons for needing to practice focusing, but a lot of these videos have millions of hits, so it's far from an unusual problem. 

It would be a good idea to blog again on this issue in a month’s time, to see whether there’s any real-world changes to my attention and mental state. 

In the meantime, have a go yourself.