Matt Tuckey is a writer from Oldham, England. He covers celebrities, night life, Manchester, fitness, creative writing, social media, psychology and events. Some of this may, in some way, help others. Or maybe it'll just entertain you for a while.
I
really need to check my emails more often. 4 weeks ago celeb-based
gossip E-rag Popbitch referenced some information I sent them about Jeremy Paxman, and
how he recited a poem about poo at his book signing event. I got my
initials at the bottom of the email. I'll get them to link to this
blog one day, Goddamnit.
Also: I
read a Discworld novel for the
first time in about 16 years. Sir Terry Pratchett's comedy fantasy
universe and book series has become somewhat of a cult in the UK and
beyond, with over 80 million books sold. I read a few in my teens and
I loved them, but then moved on to other material as I stumbled into
adulthood. I had another bash at Pratchett recently, with a
second-hand copy of The Fifth Elephant, about a police chief running
from werewolves whilst trying to diffuse a potentially devastating
disagreement. Think Iraq in 2003, only Saddam's forces are dwarves
and oil is fat. Oh, and Dick Cheney is a
Frankenstein's-monster-reanimated-type called Igor. Relentlessly
inventive and surprising, the book constantly uses the fantasy genre
to its advantage, turning the everyday into ridiculous, colourful
scenarios.
Shame a
lot of the jokes fall flat. I suspect I've just outgrown the
franchise, in favour of more serious, hard-boiled stuff.
Also:
happened to spot the new Bulmers ad being filmed in Castlefield on
Friday night.
The
city's largest and most impressive public library has reopened after
a 4-year, £48 million restoration, and
it's every bit as modern as impressive as you might hope. Today saw
the official reopening, so I darted in (during another typical
Mancunian downpour) to dry off and have a wander around.
On
entering I found a historian dressed as a Somme solider giving a very
believable speech about the horrors of the first world war,
describing the sheer weight of his backpack. When emerging from the
WWI trenches, he describes, a soldier carried so much gear that it
was imperative he stayed on his feet. If he fell, his pack would stop
him getting back up. Nobody else would help. Also, the soldiers'
training taught them to stoop low when advancing on the enemy to duck
high-flying bullets. The Germans, however, positioned their turrets
close to the ground, and the “crouching running” style favoured
by the soldiers meant that they were taking bullets to the face.
Hence the disastrously high fatality rate during the First World War.
The
library is now part museum in its presentation. Old book archives and
notes are displayed behind glass; perspex cases show old student
notes found stuffed under desks from decades ago, unearthed during
the library's recent huge restoration.
Manchester
City Council have grasped that people search for information in a
multitude of ways, and the new library caters for a variety of
learning styles. There are books aplenty, as expected, but there's
also a healthy supply of bookable computers, scrolling LCD displays,
information touch screens cordoned off in circular booths,
interactive digital signage and librarians on hand.
Manchester
Library is much more in touch with what people today need from a
library. A room full of books hasn't been the correct resource for
research for decades (although that IS one method). Different strokes
for different folks, as the saying goes. An impressive and promising
redesign.
Took a
lot of preparing. The cutting off of the rind was easier than I
thought it would be. The pork itself came pre-wrapped in kitchen
string, which I made the mistake of cutting through on each spiral. I
needed this string for later, so halfway through I had to dart to the
local newsagent to buy some more.
The
Hairy Dieters cookbook crucially misses out a section on each recipe
for the equipment we will need, as opposed to ingredients. I also
found, for instance, that I need to buy a cornflour shaker to make
gravy with. The gravy came out lumpy because of this. Although,
having said that, maybe I should actually read the instructions
thoroughly before starting...
I've
found that the book doesn't always present instructions to create a
full meal. The pork was just that- the meat, and the gravy. No carbs.
No veg. They suggest “throwing out” the drained-off fat. I happen
to already know not to pour fat down the sink, but what's the
alternative? I had to phone the endless well of knowledge that is my
mum. Her advice: Pour it into a mug. Let it set. Cut it out with a
knife and throw the gelatinous lump into the bin.
Cooking
time: 90 mins. I got a gym session in whilst it was in the oven.
The pork
itself was delicious, a testament to how far I'd come from a complete
inability to cook a couple of years ago. I think now it might be time
to start trusting my intuition and not rely on the recipe
word-for-word.
Subsequent
to the trial, and despite the attention, South Africa's mental gun
laws and social attitudes will remain unchanged. The trial should
illustrate the issue of gun violence in the country, (16th highest murder rate in the world,
540 gun deaths in
the month after Reeva Steemkamp's murder) and should encourage a change,
but the country will be too stubborn to even breach the subject, let
alone alter gun laws.
Oscar Pistorius
is a trigger-happy, paranoid fool who lost everything. He deserves
prison.
South
Africa must update their gun laws- and their attitudes- or risk more
international condemnation. (Although possibly not from the USA,
where gun laws are similarly lax.)
Between
18 and 25 I trained in the 500-year-old noble martial art of Muay Thai, or Thai Boxing. For those
that put in the time and effort, the sport develops incredible levels
of strength, speed, stamina and flexibility.
I'm now
31, and I still use the gym and have recently got into boxing. My
cardio and hand speed is creeping back to a standard that I once had,
but my flexibility is nothing like it was. I would attempt the splits
twice a week in Muay Thai training. When I was 19, I had about 30cm
between my crotch and the ground. This was at the peak of my
flexibility. Obviously, in boxing the lower body's abilities aren't
as important as it is when training in Muay Thai. Also, when you get
into your late 20s, your flexibility plummets. I thought that process
would be largely irreversible... until I saw this.
Van
Damme was 53 when he filmed this. I'm curious- could I get my
flexibility back to my 19-year-old state? Could I surpass it and
stretch more than I've ever done?
It's
possible. It might take years of practice for some, but let's say
that I work on this for the next month. I could do this standing, as
Van Damme is in the video, or sat down with legs apart. The latter
would be a much easier (and safer) way. The more time you spend on
the edge of your flexibility, with your legs as wide as possible
without too much discomfort, the more you'll be able to coax your
legs further apart. Keep the room warm so your muscles are soft, use
a wall or a couch to push your feet apart on, and let your legs adapt to an
unfamiliar position.
As this
will take lots of time, and I'll basically be sat eye-level with the
seat of the bottom of my kitchen door for a few weeks, I may as well
get a good book in as well. Review post in 1 month will be split (pun
intended) between book review and project review. I'll be able to
extrapolate from that data how long it would take me to complete the
splits.
Current
stretch: 1m 37cm.
How long
it would take me to afford 2 Volvo trucks for me to do them between:
who knows.
