Sunday, 10 May 2015

Ferro's stag do

Went to Albufeira Portugal. Stayed at Paraiso De Albufeira

We got a ridiculously good deal on this. Take a look at the pictures on their site and you can imagine what thirty blokes from Oldham looked like, already drunk from skulling Captain Morgan on the coach, rolling into a joint like this. Nice place with an opulent reception area, although once you're in your room finding reception again can be hard. The lifts all seem to drop you off at the back of the building where the golf course is. (Golf is a big thing in Albufeira, or so it seems from the contents of the baggage carousel at Faro Airport.) The hotel's minimal signposting was a problem.

We decided to spend a day in Speedos, just for a laugh. I'd hung on to the ones I bought for 1 Euro in Magaluf in 2010, so I was pleased to bring them out of retirement. Fetching, yeah?!

(Not our stag)

Here's Kati.  


She's a native but her boyfriend is a scouser. She hated her job and her manager, and was in the process of ripping off the bar. I asked her for a Southern Comfort and Coke and she filled the collins glass half-full of SoCo. She charged me about 5 Euros.

Not long after that somebody challenged me to do handstand press-ups, which I can actually do sober. Suffice to say, I could not drunk and I had a cut on the top of my head for the rest of the holiday.

Every bar in Albufeira sells Cutty Sark blended scotch. The only other place I've seen this on sale is in the gift shop at the actual Cutty Sark exhibition in Greenwich. I drank my fair share over the course of the weekend.

We decided to do an eighties theme for one of the night-time sessions. I went as RoboCop.

We also had a Lion-o from Thundercats (great face-paint effort), a black guy who went as a golly, Another black guy who had the perfect frame to play Mr. T, two tennis players including a John McEnroe, a Jamaican bob-sleigher from Cool Runnings (which is a film that came out in 1993, but whatever), a tracksuited scouser with a curly wig a'la Harry Enfield and Chums (a TV series that also began in the 90s, but again whatever), an MC Hammer, an Ultimate Warrior, a Jimmy Saville, an unspecified pilot from Top Gun and a Flash Gordon, among others. The bride-to-be's dad had found an impressive Freddy Mercury outfit, and ironically one of the bars we landed in was dedicated to Queen. Only hits from the 80s group played via concert DVDs over the screens and sound systems, and countless photos and posters lined the walls of the small bar. A good laugh but there's only so much Queen I can take.

A great weekend. The pictures tell more of a story than I could. If you're looking for a cheap destination for a stag do / mates' holiday, Albufiera is worth a look.

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