‘Turning toward’ is the theme for tonight’s journaling club in Hinterland. It’s Wednesday 1st April. To warm up, Organiser Fi allows us to choose between one of 2 10-minute exercises – the free-write prompt ‘When I meet something I am avoiding with curiosity’ or the poem ‘Turning Towards with Curiosity.’ More specifically, turning towards understanding, towards the thing that we’re avoiding.
Next up, a 5-minute prompt:
MY FAVOURITE THING TO AVOID IS…
I tend to avoid difficult conversations, or at least I used to. A few times gripes would go undisclosed, out of a fear that everything would kick off. These days, not so much. I’ll have the argument if needs be. But I get no pleasure from it. A lot of the time, I’ll just think, what’s the point? Writing this, and knowing that I’m going to put it on the blog, is a prime example. There’s a guy I know who came out with a lot of racist shit in a group chat a few weeks ago. I asked another guy what he thought about it, but he wasn’t too bothered.
The gong goes, indicating the timer.
We discuss the idea of ‘Turning away from’ and ‘Turning towards.’ Key points:
ACTION
VISIBILITY
STILLNESS
CHANGE (CONSISTENCY)
DISCOMFORT
FEAR
The next prompt, filling the gap with a word of our choice from the above:
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I’M TURNING AWAY FROM ___ ?
I chose fear.
I find in life, and in psychology books, that a theme keeps emerging about fear and awkwardness. Any attempt to escape pain only results in more pain. Any awkwardness or difficult conversations are only going to be more awkward or difficult if they’re avoided. I do feel that fear these days. It’s not that bad, having a disagreement. Sometimes, they just aren’t the right people anyway, so that fear is pointless.
The next writing exercise: a choice of 2.
1. Free write on the prompt: ‘When I meet something I am avoiding with curiosity…’
2. A poem titled ‘Turning Towards with Curiosity.’
I chose the second. I don’t dabble in poetry very often these days.
Enter their spirit, he says.
Pay attention. Turn towards. Forget yourself.
That knot in your stomach, the fear, the sickness,
The inferiority complex.
Ignore it.
Ignore your weakened knees.
Your pounding heart.
You think of the advice.
You think of the NHS sessions.
Focus. Listen.
Develop the tunnel vision.
Forget the beer, your mates,
Her mates. Absorb.
Tune out the environment.
Actually listen.
The timer went at that point and marked the end of the session.
Good group of journalers. I allowed myself to get a bit personal, which is always a challenge. After each exercise we had the opportunity to read out what we’d written, within our tables, or to the whole group, if we’re brave.
Journal club will probably be back at the start of May. See Hinterland’s events roster for more.
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