Well, the Tory government have kicked me in the teeth.

This week I met with a Welfare Rights officer to try to get to the bottom of why my Working Tax Credits were stopped. It took a bit of explaining on my part, but the officer, we'll call him SA, described clearly enough what had happened and what the situation is.

Until the end of 2016 I was on both elements of DLA, WTC and the DLA element to WTC. My DLA was stopped and I was asked to apply for PIP. I applied, was offered an interview, was assessed, and was flat-out refused. I applied for Mandatory Reconsideration, with the help of SA and his colleagues (and my parents, and Independence and Prevention Officers), and I was awarded one element of PIP- the Mobility element at £20 a week.

Not long after this, my WTC were stopped. This was, according to the HMRC letter, due to 'a change in my circumstances informed to us by a third party.' I inquired. It turned out my WTC were 'under review,' and that I should phone back in a month. I did. I got the same message. I waited another month, and got the same message again. Eventually I got a letter saying that I'D informed THEM of a change, and that my WTC (which had already been stopped) would be 'stopped.'

I sent a letter of complaint to HMRC asking why this was. Of course, the letter did not garner a response.

After meeting with SA this week, I've found out why all this happened, and it's something that HMRC could very easily have told me if they wanted.

Some people were moved automatically from DLA to PIP. I was not. Because there was a break between these two benefits, that break notified HMRC of a change, and hence my WTC were looked into. I had been on both elements of DLA- Care and Mobility. The Care element was the part that allowed me to receive WTC, despite working fewer hours than would normally be allowed. (30 hours is standard; I work 22.5.) As ATOS only awarded me the Mobility element, I don't qualify for WTC any more. If I worked 30 hours, I could apply for WTC at the normal rate (dependant on my income). I would not qualify as a 'disability claimant' though, despite being on PIP, because the Mobility payment doesn't cover that.

I'm one of thousands of people who were moved from DLA to PIP. DLA was the least-abused benefit of all of them, and it's been well-documented that there was no need to scrap it other than cost-cutting. Therefore it's fair to assume that there will also be thousands of people who also lost that Care component, and can now no longer claim WTC. This will save the government millions. As many news outlets have covered, including The Independent, nearly half of all claimants- including myself- saw their income reduced or stopped altogether. That's how you know this isn't about 'updating a failing system,' or 'making the benefits system more appropriate for the individual,' or whatever Newspeak the Tories want to reel off- it's about cost-cutting, plain and simple.

I now need to look for another job. I either need a second job that fits around my current, part time one, or another job with more hours. Either that, or my current employer needs to offer me more hours. I just wish someone would have told me this earlier.

It's been a busy week, with most of my efforts being put into psychology-related targets.

I still don't have a clear answer from the DWP as to why my Working Tax Credits were stopped. We've been around the same circle numerous times, being told that my WTC claim was 'under review' and being told to phone back in a few weeks' time, only to be told the claim must be referred onto another department. So we've decided to complain. We've once again been told that the system they use won't let the call handler move forward with the claim, only this time we've found out it's because a drop-down box on their screen has been greyed out.

The referral should take another four weeks. Meanwhile, ATOS only gave me one element of PIP, and I work part time, so without WTC I'm basically running out of money.

Great.

In fairness the last person from DWP I spoke to was helpful and explained the complaints procedure, but many other people have just not given us the help we need.

I say we, because there isn't a chance I'd be able to manoeuvre my way through the benefits system alone- I have little to no understanding of formal and financial information. I do words, not numbers, and I'm creative, not systematic. I'm getting huge amounts of help from my parents, who are endlessly supportive. But this is a massive blow to my confidence because I'm a THIRTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD GROWN MAN and I shouldn't have to rely on support from them. But then, the only reason I do need their support is that I have memory difficulties and I don't understand the government's system. If the government could provide me with some relevant support, like I've been asking them to since I was 25, then this wouldn't be such a big issue.

On a lighter note, I volunteered at the Healthwatch Oldham Forum in Oldham Sports Centre yesterday, raising awareness of Andy's Man Club.

Our loyal band of volunteers at today’s Health Watch event at Oldham Community Leisure.#ITSOKAYTOTALK@andysmanclubuk pic.twitter.com/zk7obe20md

— AMC Oldham (@andysmanclubol) January 26, 2018

Great @HWOldham Forum-Mental Health Event today at #OldhamLeisureCentre. Lovely to see so many people attend & support #Oldham #Powerful pic.twitter.com/FdRuMw878W

— Kelly Tattersall (@KellyTattersall) January 26, 2018

Healthwatch 'gives people a powerful voice locally and nationally.

At a local level, Healthwatch Oldham will work to help local people get the best out of their health and social care services.'- (Healthwatch website)

On yesterday's event, we manned a stall asking questions about the group and encouraging people to pass on leaflets to anyone they think might benefit from the group. AMC member Andy Hall gave a great speech about the challenges he faced which led him to the group, a talk full of pathos, honesty, insightfulness and good humour. Another contributor, an elderly gent alongside his wife, talked candidly about his battle with cancer. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room after his speech ended.

A very powerful day featuring some brave and honest speakers.

More good news: the NHS graciously refunded the £150 dental fine I received after ticking the wrong box. If you're reading this, NHS fine department, I appreciate your understanding. I just hope the prescription fine team are as understanding- I need them to be while the WTC team continue to look into my case...

My Headway card has arrived. I mentioned last week that brain injury charity Headway are issuing ID cards for people with brain injuries, to formally explain to others what kind of challenges they may face. Ideally the systems I have will prevent any memory-induced mishaps in the first place, but systems fail. A card like this will only help, should the need arise.

One final point this week: I mentioned a month ago that I was changing my habits with antidepressants. I moved back the time at which I take them by 5 hours. I reviewed this after a week.

So. A month later, how have I fared taking Sertraline at 12pm? It's not made a huge amount of difference- it's still a challenge to sleep some nights, I'm still struggling with weight gain and hair loss, the former of which is definitely related to Sertraline, and I'm still trying to build confidence. I'd say it hasn't done me any harm, and surely something that gives you a boost must help you to sleep better if it's taken earlier, and further away from the time that you'd normally be trying to sleep?

I'll be sticking with 12pm from now on.

I have loads more psychology related posts to go up over the next few weeks involving memory, depression, confidence building and some psychological experimentation.

MORE fines due to disability

I have not got a clue what I am doing.

A few weeks ago, I picked up a prescription and explained to the chemist that I didn't know what to write on the form. I'd previously not paid for prescriptions, but although in receipt of Personal Independence Payment I was not in receipt of Working Tax Credits- it turns out that my allocation of PIP was a notification of a change in circumstances, which in turn the WTC team at the Department for Work and Pensions used as an excuse to stop paying me WTC. I'm still in receipt of PIP, so to be on the safe side, I paid for the prescription. I looked online and it appeared that I in fact didn't have to pay, so I went back to the chemist and showed them my award of PIP on letterheaded DWP paper.

The chemist took this as acceptable proof that I didn't actually have to pay for prescriptions, so they refunded me that money.

Yesterday I got ANOTHER fine, to add to the dentist's fine of a few weeks ago (which is still under review- I forgot that it still needed paying despite this, so it doubled in price). This chemist's fine, to the tune of £51.60, also needs paying. It turns out, having rang the NHS charges helpline, that the chemist misinformed me. I should have paid, and was not eligible. WTC means free prescriptions, PIP does not.

As well as forgetting things due to memory difficulties- the reason I claim PIP in the first place- I frequently misinterpret information and make decisions based on what I think to be the case, but isn't. So the condition that causes me to be poor, which makes me eligible for some benefits, is the same condition that causes me to make mistakes which result in the fines.

I'm pretty sure I've made these mistakes before, (but of course, I wouldn't know for sure.) So presumably, I may get further fines, resulting in the loss of hundreds more pounds. I asked the NHS charges helpline about this- the chemists have apparently misinformed me and I have to pay for prescriptions. WTC was what made me eligible to get this for free, not DLA (Disability Living Allowance, which was stopped a year ago) or PIP (which I've been in receipt of for a few months). Fines are issued by a 'scanner,' by 'spot checks,' so at random the computer will check if people claiming free prescriptions are eligible, and if they aren't a fine will be issued.

A question: Why did the chemist let me claim for free if I'm not applicable? Surely working in a chemist, you'd have to know who is eligible for free prescriptions and who isn't, based on the benefits they say they receive?

The DWP will send me an HC1 form, or an HC2. I don't know which I'll receive, but these relate to health costs. Apparently, once filled and returned, this will give me free prescriptions for 12 months. If I get WTC, it won't be relevant, but if I don't it will 'act as a backup.' They say I should get a decision on WTC soon, after which I should work through the above. There's a 28 day hold on this fine in the meantime.

What frustrates me about this situation the most is that these benefits are there to promote independence and to assist with living costs. They are there to help, but I can't be the only person who needs these who doesn't actually understand how they work. I'm an intelligent enough bloke for most situations in life, but a system designed to help people on low incomes is more complicated than the job that I do, and harder than the treatment I've been through in the NHS relating to depression and confidence building. If you make an honest mistake it will cost you a good chunk of what the DWP give you.

One promising report comes from the Express: 9 out of 10 appeals for dental fines are successful. The article describes how simply 'ticking the wrong box' can result in a £100 fine.

Fines should be issued for people who purposely try to do over the system. If someone is asking for help with something they don't understand, and they still mess it up, the fines should be waived and the support should be put in place. I'm tired of being treated like a criminal.

I took Sertraline 5 hours earlier than usual for a week.

Bucks fizz #christmas #breakfast

A post shared by Matt Tuckey (@matttuckey) on Dec 25, 2017 at 4:05am PST

Last week I discussed using Sertraline, an antidepressant, and how the timing had possibly been giving me insomnia. I decided I'd take it at midday, instead of at 5pm.

One week isn't enough to gauge the effects, especially when I'm off work over Christmas and there's no need to get up at 7:30. I don't remember having any particular issue with falling asleep, so perhaps it's benefiting me. I'll come back to this in 4 more weeks to see how it's working, by which time I'll have been back in my work routine for a while and sleeping and eating at regular times.

With it being the holidays, my schedule- like most other people's- is quite different, so I've had to remember to bring my dosette (pill) box with me to family functions, shopping or other events. It's another thing to remember, which, with memory difficulties is a challenge in itself, but one I seemed to have managed.

If you're in a situation like mine- memory difficulties from a head trauma and using medication for depression- a dosette box is one of your tools. Your phone calendar is another. Without the ability to receive reminders from my phone, I couldn't have taken my meds reliably. So, obviously, I'd moved that recurring reminder back 5 hours.

Weight gain is a serious problem / side effect of Sertraline, and Christmas is one of the hardest times to avoid junk food. I wan to enjoy the holiday though, so I'm not dwelling on it. I'll probably have put weight on, but whatever. I have plans for how to lose it.

I'll come back to this in 4 more weeks.

I am confused by this dentist's fine

This is not a cry for help, nor is it a whinge. It's an attempt to illustrate the problems that I face having memory difficulties. This week I received a penalty charge from the NHS because I indicated that I was 'receiving NHS Tax Credit Exemption Certificate.' They want £120.60 by the 11^th December.

It's something I will definitely need help with: formal documents like this make very little sense to me, and they arrive in the mail so thick and fast that I can't keep on top of them.

I've mentioned before, I have brain damage, memory difficulties and depression. I've worked most of my adult life, with minimal success, and since I was 29 I've been in receipt of some low-rate benefits- I was on Disability Living Allowance (DLA) and Working Tax Credits (WTC). I've needed a lot of help getting them and staying up to date with information relating to them.

In January my DLA was stopped, as the government was replacing this with the controversial Personal Independence Payment (PIP), something I had to apply (and fight tooth and nail) for. In February I was still in receipt of WTC and by March I had been allocated an award of PIP (albeit less than I was getting from DLA.) Around this same time, it now seems, my WTC were stopped. I was, for some reason, under the impression that the two were now being paid together and that WTC were part of the PIP payment. This is the kind of mistake I make, due to the condition that makes me eligible for PIP in the first place.

I thought my finances were under strain; it now seems I'm getting to the bottom of the issue.

On 7^th September, I went to my dentist and claimed that I was on WTC, making me eligible for free treatment. I was not. The PIP I'm receipt of apparently does not cover me for dentist visits, so it looks like I'm going to have to pay £120.60. This is an honest mistake, one of many I make every week.

The exemption certificate that I have, a plastic card the size of a credit card, expired at the end of April. I, typically, forgot to chase this up.

I guess there's a few options- I work in social services so there are colleagues I could ask for advice, and I could always push the boat out- on my PIP application form I explained that formal documents like these make very little sense to me. Unfortunately, because I speak well and have decent written skills, social services will have nothing to do with me and any NHS support I receive is always short-term (I'm not meeting any NHS people right now.) The only talking support I get are my ever-loyal and over-relied-on parents, and my line manager. I suppose I could bring this to Andy's Man Club and see what advice they could give. And ultimately, I could try to get the fine waived on disability grounds. It's not like I tried to blag them. This happened because of the condition.

Another issue: I'm on Sertraline, an antidepressant, and have been for some time. I've been telling the chemist I'm eligible for free treatment. This site doesn't suggest I am: there's no mention of PIP, only the tax credits that I forgot had been stopped. I don't know what I told the chemist I was in receipt of, so am I about to be bombarded with numerous fines for claiming free prescriptions? I did have an NHS exemption card in my wallet but

I started by suggesting that this blog post was not a cry for help. That said, any advice that anyone can give me, I'd be grateful for. matthewtuckey@hotmail.com.

Don't Be an Idiot and Keep Your Phone in Your Bedroom at Night: Review

Admittedly, I've occasionally been an idiot in the last month. I've tried to keep my phone out of my bedroom, but it seems, like for one in three of us, that's easier said than done. I've tried taking the charge lead out of my bedroom, but I occasionally put it back in. That's when you know you're addicted: you're reversing the actions you put in place to stop your heavy use. But I'd say I kept the phone out of the bedroom on more nights than it was in.

And what has happened in the last month? What have been the benefits? Well, it's difficult to tell.

I was hoping for some improvements at the gym. I've been using the same notebook since 2011, and it's showing- the hardback cover fell off long ago, the outside sheets have fallen away and records have been lost. I thought I'd beat a PB on dips- it seems, checking old blog posts about workouts, I haven't. Getting flu certainly didn't help. That knocked a week or so out of my schedule, and left me feeling weak. I also put on some weight whilst sat on my arse.

I've probably slept better, marginally.

I'm feeling much stronger now, though, and plan to stick to keeping the phone in the lounge.

How Indiana Jones got me into Blogging

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade may have come out in 1989, a good decade or two before the blogging started to become popular, but the classic adventure movie may have planted a seed in me that led to the blog you're reading now.

Indy's dad Henry (Sean Connery) kept a record of his search for the Holy Grail because he knew his memory would fade. The diary, not just an account of adventures taken, led them into more scenarios that made great stories- including meeting some well-known historical figures, shall we say. I'm sure I saw this film first when I was in primary school, possibly around the time I started keeping a diary myself.

I got Roald Dahl's Diary 1992 as a Christmas present- a blank diary with themes for each month based on his classic children's books. Quentin Blake's sketchy illustrations adourned the pages here and there, an each month followed a theme based on one of Dahl' classic children's novels. January, for example, contains pictures and qoutes from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I wrote a lot about school and the clubs that my friends and I used to run, where we'd draw pictures and play games based on a certain theme. Friday was the SDA club, the Secret Detective Agency, where we'd look for thing to investigate (a small primary school in Oldham didn't have many remarkable attributes so it was quite a dull group) and there were others we'd run involving games and art.

According to my diary, I usually watched a lot of shit TV, tried to draw cartoon characters, played Amiga games and took extra maths lessons (resulting in no improvement). I kept up with notetaking from January to September. It wasn't a patch on Henry's quest for the Holy Grail, but it was a tribute of sorts. I was quite neurotic about keeping records, something I wish I'd done more of as I found they helped me to remember what was happening in my life. Records are essential not just for fictional explorers, but for people like myself with memory difficulties.

As I got older, I fell out of the habit as I became busier and didn't want to dwell on the challenges I was facing. I learned, though, to document the most interesting parts, thanks, I guess, to Indiana Jones and Roald Dahl.

I've kept this going to this day, thanks to the emergence of the blogosphere. But, unlike Indy, I haven't dealt with many world political leaders- just reality TV stars, fading singers and DJs, and authors. A handful of people find it interesting, and at least now I can remember it all.

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Trigger warning: this blog post discusses suicidal thoughts.

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. The aim of this campaign is 'to share resources and stories in an effort to shed light on this highly taboo and stigmatized topic.' Last Sunday was World Suicide Prevention Day, a campaign intending to reduce the huge numbers of people taking their own lives.

I remember back in either '09 or '10, when I was mates with a group of privately educated lads with chips on their shoulders, all desperate to prove that they weren't just middle class BMW drivers. I was at a house party with them when one of them brought up the issue of suicide. He was quite a popular guy (although I couldn't stand him). Before long a number of them wanted to share their stories of their lowest points, and their suicidal feelings. I didn't.

One of the girls in the group quite fancied me, and I liked her too, but I hated her brother. He'd threatened to batter me for no reason, and a mutual friend witnessed this and did fuck all. Of course, dealing with depression myself, I brushed it off.

The party was at their parents' house. But this girl, she wanted to know if I'd ever thought about 'that'- suicide. I was in two minds about opening up. I decided not to. I knew my friendship with the group, and the potential relationship with her, wasn't going anywhere. But I lacked the confidence to say no to the group, and to cut myself off. I didn't do that until 2015.

Talk, talk, talk. Don't bottle it. But find the right people to do that with- your instincts will tell you if they are good enough friends.

Who actually enjoys running?

Upside down double cheeseburger. I don't own a wooden pick thing so I used a full length skewer.

A post shared by Matt Tuckey (@matttuckey) on Aug 26, 2017 at 7:46am PDT

Kinda defeats the point, no?

I've been surrounded by so many people recently who rave about running like it's the greatest pastime ever. Google 'running and endorphins' (endorphins being pleasure chemicals found in the bloodstream) and you'll find a slew of articles like this one and this one and this one proclaiming running to be the best legal high going. It's been touted by those that do it so much that I thought I'd give it another shot.

I decide on a route similar to one I used to run when I was 17- in fact, it's a little shorter as it goes past my current home and I cut out the part that went past my parents'. I wanted to see if it made me feel as good as people said it would.

“It gets you out in the fresh air,” they say. “It clears your mind.” “It's great for mental health as well as physical.” I have no doubt that, for some people, these statements ring true. But when you live in Oldham, an outskirt town, the air isn't so fresh anyway. And yeah, it clears your mind- and leaves you with an overwhelming sense of boredom.

The original route used to take me 30 minutes, if memory serves. I remember flying around it, weighing a little over 60kg back in 1999. I'm now over 80kg, with a load of muscle and fat added to my ageing frame. Around half way around, the outside of my right foot started to give me a little jip. I couldn't do anything other than keep going, so I ploughed on, arriving home in the pissing rain, and in agony, clocking in at 45 minutes.

I left it a few days before doing any more exercise. On returning, I hit the gym and tried a series of 10 minute runs. I started with 10 minutes on the cross trainer, then did a few minutes of abs work- sit-ups, crunch machine, planks. I interspersed each run with around 5 minutes of stomach exercises, to let my legs recover. I started at 7.0kph, a steady jog. The next run was 7.1, and so on. I battled through 8.0kph, with the same right side of the bridge of my right foot causing agony.

I typically forgot to weigh myself on entry to the gym, but I was 84.1kg on the way out. This whole thing was a terrible idea. I went home and watched a film.

So, no. Running is not for me. For cardio and fresh air, I'll use a skipping rope, thanks. It's much better for your feet, knees and muscles all over your body. It also means if you get tired and want to stop, you aren't miles from home. You're in the same spot geographically that you started in.

Who enjoys running? Not me, that's for sure. Give me weights or a punch bag over a jog any day of the week. I guess the point of this blog post is that exercise should be fun (hence me uploading it on #psychologysaturday). Just because everyone else does it, doesn't mean you have to too. If you're not getting endorphins from exercise, try a different form of exercise. I'll stick with the gym, thanks.

Mental Health Awareness Week, Andy's Man Club

This is my first proper #psychologysaturday blog post. I'm hoping that a weekly post relating to the science of the mind will raise awareness of important related issues and will offer resources and suggestions, based on whatever I find and consider valuable. I have many ideas in the pipeline!

8-14 May is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK. 1 in 3 people will deal with mental health issues in their lifetime. Mental health still comes with a stigma- one that many people, including myself and the people behind this campaign, are working hard to remove. The site above is packed with info on how to gauge your own mental health, what the campaign aims to do, what events are happening in your area and what you can do to take part.

Men's mental health in particular is an area I'm keen to promote on this blog, which is one of a few reasons why I'm pleased to tell you about Andy's Man Club. Andy's is 'a talking group, a place for men to come together in a safe environment to talk about issues/problems they be have faced or currently been facing.' The organisation, I gather, started in Yorkshire and now has 7 groups meeting across the Northwest at 7pm every Monday. I dropped into the Oldham group this Monday. Out of respect for the group I won't go into detail about what happens, but it is an opportunity for men to talk openly and support each other. You don't need to have dealt with mental health issues in the past, but regardless you will find a supportive network of people. There's no religious angle, no judgement, no holding hands and chanting, no obligation to talk- and it's well worth a look if you're looking for help with depression or are looking to build confidence.

More #psychologysaturday blog posts to come, including book reviews, information on confidence building, advice for handling memory difficulties, and how to use mobile phones to stay organised.