Did You Meet Brian Cox in Manchester?

Pic courtesy Bob Lee, Flickr

On Wednesday 7^th December, particle physicist / TV presenter Brian Cox was signing copies of his new book, The Quantum Universe: Everything That Can Happen Does Happen. He swung into Waterstones on Deansgate around lunchtime to talk about his book and answer questions.

I couldn't make it to the event due to work, which is a bit gutting, so I'm throwing it out to you guys. Did you go, and do you want to write it up and have your writing appear here?

matthewtuckey@hotmail.com. “PIASOM submission” in the subject field. You know the dance. I'll link back to your blog. Get on it!

We've done that before

Pic courtesy Marsmet461, Flickr

At the last Writers Connect meetup before Christmas, a member suggested we perform a writing exercise on the prompt “Why not.” I reminded him that he had suggested that one earlier. See here.

It occurred to me later that both him and I had done this exercise in a totally different writing group, and that the other members of Writers Connect hadn't done it. But what the hell. We quickly decided on a new prompt line.

“No, we've done that before.”

“Have we?” she said. “When?”

“About last week, I think. You said it was too convoluted.”

“I said that?” she said, flipping to another page. “Well, there might be another book. Check above the cooker, in the cupboard.”

I sighed. “I can't be bothered. Let's just stick with this one. The instructions are clearer. You don't need to get any stuff for it either. We've got everything we need.”

“This would be much easier if we were actually in the kitchen. At least with laminate flooring you can just mop up spills and whatever.”

“Don't think about that,” I said.

“Why not?”

“Look,” I ordered. “Just let me take charge here, and it'll be good.” I flipped a page. “The instructions are clearer on this one. Even you could do it.”

“Oi”, she said, and tried to kick me. She didn't find it easy barefoot. “Anyway, I think you're right. We've got all we need. In fact,” she said, gripping the book, “ I don't think we need this at all.”

She took the Karma Sutra off me and pulled me to the floor.

Jeru Da Damaja in Rusholme?

Check out this awesome 90s rap video from understated lyricist Jeru Da Damaja.

I first heard this on Tim Westwood's show on BBC Radio 1 in about 1996, just as I was getting into rap music and everyone in my (predominantly white Christian) school thought hip-hop was rubbish. As far as they were concerned it was black people's music, and there were about 2 black people out of about 1200 pupils in the school. Today, 14 out of the 40 tunes in Radio 1's Singles Chart include either a black singer or rap verses- even if it's not actually hip-hop.

Having said that, though, nowadays most of rap music IS rubbish, and it's white school kids who make up a large portion of the UK's music purchases- including, of course, the “hip hop” that makes it into the charts.

I digress. According to Twitter, Brooklyn rapper Jeru- who has always made REAL hip-hop- was in Manchester England on and around 10^th December. Nightlife website Skiddle confirms that he was performingat Mansion club in Rusholme, on the edge of the city. 

Did anyone see him? And- I'll throw it out there- does anyone want to write the night up? I'll let you guest-post here and link back to a site if you've got one. Get involved!

matthewtuckey@hotmail.com

Boiled Egg Fail

Why is it that I can perfect a cheese soufflé after just a couple of goes, 

but boiling an egg- a pretty primitive task- seems beyond my capabilities?

Oh, Keda. You let me down. I closely followed your instructions for “Boiled Egg and Spice Bread”. You said, “bring to the boil then cook for three minutes” for a cooked but runny yolk. Is there something wrong with my hob? 'Cause that's what I did. Result? One hard-boiled egg.

Did I set the timer too late? Maybe I did. Maybe I shouldn't shift the blame.

And what is “spice bread”? I asked the guy in Tesco, and he suggested hot crossed buns. I'm not sure that's what Keda meant, as her diagram looked like Soreen malt loaf. Either product is a good twist on normal toast I supposed.

I tried again the next day. This time I tried pouring boiling water, straight from the kettle, over the egg in the pan. I gave it four minutes from then, on full hob heat. This time the egg was undercooked, so I slammed it in the microwave for 30 seconds. When I took it out, it looked like this:

Sigh.

I'm reminded of this inspiring quote:

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'”

-Mary Anne Radmacher, author of motivational books

And that's what I did. I gave Soreen a shot. I got the timing right somehow, so the egg was just right, but Soreen is shit for dunking! Bread is absorbent and takes up the yolk. Toast is just as absorbent but tougher, so stays dunkable without collapsing, but Soreen is like dunking cheese- it takes nothing in and squidges all over the show. Whatever it was Keda photographed under the heading “spice bread”, it's nothing I've ever seen before.

I guess cooking is like most things in my life. Most people my age can do it, because it's- on the whole- pretty simple. But I struggle. Yet I surprise people with all sorts of shit that I've learned in 29 years. I taught a group of MMA fighters the meaning of “Buridan's Ass.” I developed novel methods of building blog readership, with lots of success. 

Egg metaphor alert: I'm just going to have to keep cracking away at my cooking. I can't let it go off the boil. I'll have to keep soldiering on. Okay, that's enough.

Help Save Every Night Erotica

A few months ago, Every Night Erotica- a superb online fiction magazine- published my story, “Afterwards”.  The erotic fiction E-magazine publishes one story every night. As you might guess. It even pays for submissions!

The mag is having a bit of a tough time at the moment- not for financial reasons, it says, but due a lack of contributors!

Editor Jennifer Case says:

“We need your sexy stories in order to keep up our daily publications or we won't survive. So please, we are asking for your help! Send your submissions to http://www.everynighterotica.com/submit-story/ using our online form. Please email directly if you have any problems using our online submissions process. And please pass this plea along to your sexy writer friends -- there is plenty of room for everyone to get published.

“We are also accepting your XXX-mas stories for the holiday season!

“Remember our guidelines; stories must be 2000 words or less (or you can divide your story into two as long as each part is balanced with enough erotic sex to satisfy your reader!) and your story must be edited for continuity, spelling and grammar. You may submit only your stories you have the rights to if they have been published in the past. And you may submit up to three stories simultaneously!

“Check out our site for all the genres we publish www.everynighterotica.com.”
 

So- erotica writers- get scribbling, polish your work off and get it sent in. You'll be paid, you'll get your work seen alongside mine and there's the potential for the whole online world to read your work. Just write good, and you're onto a winner.

There is no greater food on Earth than pizza.

I make myself pizza if it comes down to that drastic measurement.
-Corey Haim, actor

My situation may not be quite as drastic as Corey's was, but thankfully, cookbook writer Keda Black stuck my fave dish- Pizza Margherita - at the start of the book that I'm working through. I bought a couple of bases so I could be sure I'd get it right. Challenges:

1. I live in a 1-bedroom council flat. The kitchen is tiny, with limited workspace.
2. I don't own a garlic crusher. Instead I used a knife, cutting it as thin as possible, kind of like they do in Goodfellas' prison scene.
   
   
     
   Keda suggested flattening cherry tomatoes with a spatula to make the sauce, which I would never have thought of. I'd have gone for a tube of puree like I used to at my mum's. I'd also have automatically used Cheddar- Keda wisely listed Mozzarella.

The result: a taste sensation. A thousand times more flavoursome than a Tesco pizza. There's plenty of cheese in this blog post already, but regardless: I'm moving forward here. I'm getting good in the kitchen, and no longer feeling like a culinary lost boy. (That's a Corey Haim tie-in joke. Never mind.)

Weaning Off Chocolate

Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.

-Matt Lauer, US TV Journalist

This blog is about improving life. Particularly mine, but hopefully it will affect a few others as well. Most of these entries are my attempts to fine tune everything I do to make me a better person. Through this blog, I've experimented with weightlifting, tried to live off the cheapest possible food, then tried to live off anything but, tried a range of exercise classes, and experimented with social media and blogging so that my blog- including write-ups of all of these experiments- get seen online by as many people as possible.

Today, I'm still looking to sharpen myself up. I have fears to conquer, skills to develop (see my cookery posts) and belief to build on. Even though some of these need working on constantly, like cooking, others I like to focus on for one month. Sometimes this is a major task, like attempting to get my blog noticed in Hollywood, or just a little gym exercise like getting the most out of your membership by trying all the classes.

At the end of November my mum bought me a Cadbury's advent calendar. Yes, I know. I'm 29. Well. I certainly have an awesome mum. As I placed it on my fireplace, an idea hit me. At the time, I was trying to cut down on chocolate, to no avail. Chocolate contains a number of addictive chemicals, but which chemicals scientists are still trying to nail down.

An addiction- which, I suppose, I've got- implies a dependency on a certain chemical or chemicals. If I was to stop eating chocolate right now, my hands would itch, I'd lose concentration, I'd be tired permanently and eventually I'd just give up and buy a gluttonous 400g bar of Dairy Milk and smash the lot. And feel sickeningly guilty. Then repeat the cycle. (Writing this is making me want to nip to Tesco right now. Shit...)

I managed to go without chocolate for about 6 weeks back in 2008. It was hard. After the 5^th week, though, the cravings started to die off and I was enjoying eating more healthily- particularly meat- and was doing well at the gym. I was also, for the first time ever, doing pretty well with girls. I think there's a connection. On one memorable date, though, a girl took me to a bar with a chocolate fountain. I fell back in again. To addiction, I mean. Not the fountain.

I'm not going to cut chocolate out completely this month. Through December so far, I've eaten only a tiny bite-size drop of chocolate per day, from my advent calendar, normally first thing in the morning. I'm hoping this constant drip-feed of chocolate will be regular and small enough to “wean” me off. I'm not buying any more than this, and the only other chocolate I'll have will be powdered, with hot milk (insomnia remedy). I'm obviously a fair way into the challenge right now (forgetfulness- I thought of this in November) but...

Provided nobody buys me any chocolate for Christmas, I will be able to cut it out for the foreseeable future.

The goals:

1. Improvement to strength and cardio at the gym.
2. Better concentration in work and with blogging/creative writing
3. Calmer frame of mind overall, in work, with family and with friends, and when meeting new people.
4. To generally man up, stop being a bitch and stop eating women's food all the time. For Christ's sake!
5. I might even, as Lauer seems to suggest, find myself remembering a little more. You never know.

I'm doing pretty good so far. For anyone thinking they eat too much chocolate, the run-up to Christmas is the perfect time to start cutting down, contrary to what you might expect. I'll blog again in a month to see whether I'm still plagued with chocoholism.