Sunday, 3 July 2011


Self editing note- this was written before Saturday night.

The last few weeks have been an insomnia-laden blur consisting of popping Kalms, sorting out Inland Revenue shit that I have no grasp of whatsoever, and having my stories turned down from a slew of magazines. Crapton. We had hail in June. My attempt to grow a goatee was met with overwhelming disdain after I posted a pic (temporarily) on Facebook. Adult starlet Tanya Tate emailed me asking about avatars (little pictures that you can attach to your comments on internet pages). I think I'd left her a comment on her site, basically to drive traffic to my own. I suggested she gets a Blogger account.

There’s a possibility that the message could have come from her PR / IT people as apposed to Tanya herself, but surely if it was a pro IT guy sending the message he’d a) know how to sort out avatars himself or b) research the query another way. So I reckon it was Ms Tate herself.

Matt Tuckey, adviser to the stars! As for Tanya- she's a stunner.


The Book. The concept- Neil Strauss meets a group of underground pickup artists and goes from loser to Number 1 PUA in a year. It’s an interesting and inspiring concept, although perhaps a little self-indulgent. The book nicely ties together a story with a collection of “game” techniques that men can use to pick up girls. If I didn't have a goddamn memory difficulty, I'd be using his advice now. A reread is required. Fascinating, but with a disappointingly cheesy ending- true or not.

Did I ever mention that I got the book signed by the author? Oh yeah, I did.

I’m thinking of reading the sequel, The Rules of the Game. Can anyone advise it?
Neil Strauss and I now follow each other on Twitter. Awesome. A day at a time, I’m turning into Perez Hilton. Without the gayness.

Goddamn. Ellroy serves up a giant, heavy slice of American “history” starting in 1958 and follows three law men on a five-year journey as they dirty their hands in LA's crime underbelly. The plot is thick and fast. The violence is graphic and stomach-churning. The conspiracy of JFK's assassination- in which the three characters become involved- is convincing and chilling. Well worth the 600 page read, but clear your mind before you read it. “Complex” is not the word.

Oh, did I mention I got this signed too? Here's the info...

GQ magazine was on offer last month at £2. Did you see it? I snatched it up. It's a very well-written publication, and the humour's my style, but I can't help but think that it's aimed at people who make about five times as much money as me. Magazines like this one and main rival Esquire- both of which represent the more sensible gentlemen's magazine- now have a killer competitor-

The site does seem to cater for exactly the same market as the aforementioned print publications, but without the cost and weight. focuses on advice, but also includes interviews with celebs. And we're not talking soap star girls in their underwear, here. The latest upload features WBA world heavyweight champion David “Hayemaker” Haye and his preparation to inevitably destroy the Klitschkos.

With mobile internet now being so accessible, sites like Askmen will pack a heavy punch over the next few months. Even the magazine shelves in Tesco are due for a reshuffle. Print publications are now on the back foot.

Moving on. I stuck on the fireman’s outfit on Saturday 18th for the annual Saddleworth Beer Walk. Dubbed by many as “the only exciting thing to happen in Saddleworth,” the day comprises of an immense trek through the villages of rural Oldham whilst getting smashed in an array of very old pubs and temporary outdoor beer stations. Thousands attend the walk to raise money for charity. Thousands more do it just to get pissed. I was in the latter of those two categories. Each year the walk has a theme based on a popular trend- a computer game or a film, for instance. Here was this year’s theme:

You don’t have to stick to the army idea, although most people were in camouflage fatigues. I slung on my trusty fireman outfit and marched around the route with a guy dressed as Tigger and a Peter Pan lookalike.

A word of warning- this isn’t a stroll through a few local pubs. This is an all-day, 11 mile trek ending with Lark Hill, one of Saddleworth’s steepest inclines. It’s a mission. But one you shouldn’t miss.

It’s just a shame that nobody outside of Oldham knows anything about it. Get involved, people of Greater Manchester! You’re missing out.

Plan for the next week- reread The Game and take on Strauss’ advice. I’d love to tell you what happens, but blogging about women- as I have learned- is a minefield.  

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