Pic Courtesy Dannymx, Flickr
The
following is a short audio play I wrote and produced for my GNVQ
Media course circa 1999. This week I dug out the script and polished
it up. I've made only minor grammar adjustments. It's just for fun.
What do you think?
JIMBOB
(Narration)
What's
your earliest memory? Is it from when you were a baby? Mine is. Come
to think of it, so's my second. And third. In fact, my memory of
yesterday's breakfast is from this time. It's not like I haven't
aged, I just haven't ever put on weight in any shape or form from
birth. Until recently, I had only a few wispy ideas as to why.
SOUND
OF MOTORBIKE STOPPING
JIMBOB
(Narration)
Stepping
off my tailor-made Harley Davidson, dressed in my protective leather
pants and jacket, I looked up at the old converted Victorian
warehouse known locally as Affleck's Temple. The name “Temple”
arose partly because of the stone columns in front of the building
and also because of the high regard locals held for this shop in its
former days of glory. I was hoping that my curiosity of this shop
would be satisfied, as I had heard many odd rumours about this place.
I
checked my 30 centimetre appearance in the mirrored door. Tucking my
t-shirt in tight, I stepped inside.
SOUND
OF DOOR OPENING WITH A CHIME. WE ARE NOW INSIDE THIS SHOP. WE CAN
HEAR SOME BACKGROUND MUSIC, POSSIBLY SON OF A PREACHERMAN.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
I
was expecting the usual gob-smacked look of disbelief which I have
tolerated for thirty years, but the only other person in the
building, a thin pale man with long dark hair seemed about as shocked
as a sleeping gorilla.
MR
STONED
Morning.
JIMBOB
(Taken aback)
M-morning.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
Immediately,
I sensed something was amiss. I'd never seen this bloke in my life,
but there wasn't a hint of surprised in his presumably drug-induced
expression.
SOUND
OF ELECTRICITY
JIMBOB
Whoa.
Never seen these before.
MR.
STONED
That's
a plug socket, mate.
JIMBOB
Oh!
Oh.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
Since
when, I thought, had plug sockets been five centimetres thick, in
three uneven sections and emitted a thin blue light every three
seconds? I stepped back cautiously and looked around, squinting in
the dim light. The main source of light seemed to be coming from
another room, around a few corners. I followed this light into a
small offset area...
INSERT
MUSIC- THEME TO SPACE 1999
JIMBOB
(Narration)
...Completely
empty, except for one backlit shelf, holding a large egg. I was
enthralled. Moving a nearby stepladder and climbing up it, I went to
pick it up. But as I did-
MUSIC
CUTS OFF
JIMBOB
(Narration)
The
light went out. I was in darkness. I did the only thing I could think
of, and put it back on the shelf.
MUSIC
SWELLS AGAIN
JIMBOB
(Narration)
Via
the light of the egg, I managed to see the way out of the room and
plan my escape. I took my chances.
SOUND
OF BREAKING GLASS.
JIMBOB
Whoops.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
I
checked my wallet, and realised I had no money and no credit cards.
As shelves covered most of the walls, right to the ground, I could
see no place to bang my head. But I wasn't going to let this stop me
from obtaining this mystical item. It became clear to me that I was
going to have to shoplift. I put the egg discreetly under my coat and
headed for the exit. As I approached the door,
SOUND
OF HOWLING WIND RISES
JIMBOB
(Narration)
I
felt a burning sensation in the area of the egg. A dazzling light,
coming from under my coat, blinded me. Holding the now-shining egg in
front of me, I heard a voice.
THE
MYSTERIOUS VOICE
Jimbob.
Look at what your race has done.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
A
montage of images flashed before me: a sewage pipe opening into the
sea, car exhausts billowing smoke, large trees being cut to the
ground and, most shockingly, reels of films being cut and spliced.
JIMBOB
Why?
Why have we done this?
THE
MYSTERIOUS VOICE
My
apprentice will explain.
MR
STONED
Don't
you see mate? Human beings have evolved to the stage of
self-destruction. God is using Man to destroy the Earth. He never
intended for life to exist eternally on Earth and now he is sending
the Earth back into the Sun.
JIMBOB
(sarcastically)
So
why are you telling me? Am I the only person to have come into this
forgotten temple?
MR
STONED
There's
something else you wanted to know isn't there?
JIMBOB
Er...
MR.
STONED (singing)
#The
shin bone's connected to the- knee bone, the- knee bone's connected
to the-
JIMBOB
Oh
yeah. What about me? Why have I never grown?
THE
MYSTERIOUS VOICE
Thirty
years ago, Jimbob, you were conceived in the disabled toilet of a
McDonald's restaurant.
JIMBOB
No!
It can't be true!
MYSTERIOUS
VOICE
I'm
afraid it is. Just deal with it. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. The
vile fumes and piles of waste damaged your cells and you were never
to grow again. Your bones formed as lumps of gelatine, therefore
making you a literal human jelly baby. As for the egg you have in
your hand- that is the egg.
JIMBOB
What
egg?
MYSTERIOUS
VOICE
You
know the phrase- which came first, the chicken or the egg?
JIMBOB
THIS
is the actual proverbial egg?
MYSTERIOUS
VOICE
Yes.
JIMBOB
So
it was the egg? That came first?
MYSTERIOUS
VOICE
No
mortal will ever know. You tried to steal the egg. You wanted to keep
the meaning of life to yourself, but only I, the Sovereign Lord, will
know. Oh, and my apprentice, Mr Stoned.
MR
STONED
Yup.
THE
MYSTERIOUS VOICE
You
are an individual, Jimbob. No-one on Earth is as original as you.
HOWLING
WIND FADES OUT
JIMBOB
(Narration)
The
light receded and only the outside daylight remained. Shaking, I
handed the egg back to Mr. Stoned.
JIMBOB
I
think I'll leave this with you.
MR.
STONED
Yeah,
see you mate.
JIMBOB
(Narration)
I
stepped outside into the cool daylight. My Harley was there, just as
I'd left it. Stepping on, shaking slightly, I switched on the
ignition and rode off, my mind a race of thoughts. The man in the
temple was right. We're evolving to destroy ourselves. I suppose I'd
better make the most of this world while I've got the time.
[SOUND
FROM OPENING OF EASY RIDER- MOTORBIKE STARTS UP, THEN STEPPENWOLF'S
BORN TO BE WILD KICKS IN. FADE OUT.]
No comments:
Post a Comment