Amazon vs Viking

Steadily tapping into researching my Viking ancestry. I’m looking for this ceremonial spoon connected to the Toki tribe. 

My dad suspected Westminster Abbey may know something, so I made an enquiry. They don’t have it on site, but they did find this article on a ‘Toki Runestone’ found in St. Paul’s churchyard in the 1850s. St Paul’s may also know something. I’m awaiting their response. 

To tap into my anestral roots, I've been listening to this:

Oh, and I nearly got in a bare fist fight – my first since 1998 – with an Amazon courier on Tuesday morning. He seemed to be parked up at the side of the road, although he may have been doing a turn in the road for all I know. Either way, I just drove past him. There was plenty of space, and I had right of way, so I moved out to go around him. As I did, he looked at me like I’d just burned his grandmother or something. 

I thought nothing of it until I saw him speeding towards me in my rear view mirror. When I turned off to get to my office, he turned off, flashing his lights and gesturing angrily. 

Well, I thought. Here we go. I turned into my car park and parked near the door. He parked near the entrance at the far end. 

For some reason I thought of the movie Sicario.  

What are the rules here? 

We must be engaged to engage. Do what they do. If they get out, you get out. 

He got out, so I got out. 

“What the fuck’s the matter with you?” he asked. “Don’t you know how to drive?” 

“I’m pretty sure I do. What did I do wrong?” 

He walked closer. “If I hadn’t have seen you I’d have hit you!”  

If anyone doesn’t see someone they might hit them, I thought. It’s called driving with due care and attention. 

But I didn’t say that. Instead… “The highway code states that if you’re moving from a side road to a main road, YOU have to give way. I had right of way.” 

He walked back to his van calling me a prick and an arsehole over his shoulder. He gave me the finger as he drove off. 

What a fucking morning. I tweeted my annoyance to Amazon UK who predictably ignored it.

The Real Michael Swann

This was one of the first books from the Teatime Bookshop subscription service I got as a present recently. 

From author Bryon Reardon, The Real Michael Swann tells of a terror attack in Pennsylvania, resulting in the titular man seemingly crawling out of the rubble, concussed with no memory, trying to find his way back to anyone who might recognise him. Meanwhile, Swann’s family race across town in an attempt to find him while the authorities investigate both the missing persons and the attack itself. 

There are plenty of twists along the way to keep the narrative flying, but a big one is predictable and the dialogue and exposition are so frustratingly clumsy that you can’t help question the decisions. Why wouldn’t the wife try a video call to get in touch with Michael? Who leaves the engine running when they’re alone in an unfamiliar location? 

The memory loss angle of the book needed a lot more research. Reardon clearly doesn’t understand the nature of memory, and the Swann character manages to remember things that a concussed person wouldn’t. They wouldn’t even physically get as far from the blast zone as was managed without authorities or medical staff stepping in. 

A barrage of that-wouldn’t-happen and occasionally predictable moments culminates in a largely underwhelming and unsatisfactory final twist. All of this is more surprising when you consider that Reardon himself holds a degree in psychology.

Viking Month: Research

 

Just before my birthday I should be able to squeeze in the last challenge out of the 6 I gave myself last year. I’m expecting this one to take 2 months. 

I’m going to immerse myself in Viking-era research. What do I mean by this? 

I want to learn as much as I can about Viking culture, partly through TV shows, but also by speaking to people like historians and museum curators. Why? Because my ancestors were Vikings, and I find it utterly fascinating.  

The Tuckey surname derives from the Toki Viking tribe, the name of which in turn, I’m told, comes from the Old Norse name ‘Thortekill,’ meaning ‘Thor’s Sacrificial Cauldron.’ At some point in the Viking conquest of what would become the United Kingdom, The Toki tribe did a deal with one of the British kings. We don’t, as of yet, know which one. The deal: convert to Christianity, and receive some land. Give up your pagan ways, and we’ll leave you alone. 

They took the deal. 

Some generations later – we don’t know how many – in 1069-1070, William the Conquerer ordered The Harrying of the North, the ethnic cleansing of Vikings from Northern England. The Toki tribe were left alone, as they weren’t really a tribe any more. The Toki name became a number of other names like ‘Tookey,’ and also Tuckey. 

In case you hadn’t noticed, I find all of this fascinating. I must learn more about this. My dad tells me that, before I was born, he was visiting a Museum somewhere – he doesn’t recall where – and he spoke to the curator. The curator explained the above story, and described how, when the Toki tribe converted, they were given a ceremonial spoon as a symbol of their assimilation with Christian British culture. This spoon, Dad tells me, went to either St Paul’s Cathedral or Westminster Abbey. This is as much as I know as it stands. For the next month, I’ll ask around and see what knowledge I can absorb about this spoon, the Tokis, and Viking history. I’ll send a few emails, make a few calls, take some leave to do so. I’ll also start trying to intermittent fast, as Vikings did, by eating Dagveror (day meal of porridge, apples, bread and dairy) and Natveror (an evening meal usually of vegetable broth, frequently with fish but on occasion some meat). I’ll watch a ton of Viking shows – The Last Kingdom and Vikings: Valhalla are on my watch list. I’ll tailor my gym workouts to what Norse warriors would have done: rowing, deadlift, cable work to simulate the movement of wood chopping. I have many more ideas. Next month, having researched, I’ll throw in a bit more practical work and live closer to how my ancestors would have done (as much as a public sector office worker can living under 21st century British laws). Stay tuned to see what I mean.

Comic Con Yorkshire this week

Coming up on the blog: a novel review that ties into psychology, a handful of other psychology points, some predictions and the beginning of a project about Vikings. 

Happening this week: 

 Manchester Andy’s Man Club won’t be meeting in Sedulo tonight as it’s a bank holiday. A few of us are getting food in Crown and Anchor at 1pm though. Shambles Square. I’m sure new guys would be welcome to join. 

Comic Con Yorkshire runs this weekend in Harrogate! The first Yorkshire based con from Monopoly Events happens this Saturday and Sunday in Yorkshire Event Centre. I’ve got my entrance ticket and photo ticket for Monty Python star John Cleese. Monopoly’s events are always brilliantly run and offer fascinating talks and sales stalls. Sadly Michael Madsen had to cancel. 

But look at this lineup!

Box Bar Burger Baboon Badger

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Busy week polishing off this TV project that seems to have gone nowhere. Notable incident: Zac Wilde answering Popbitch’s ‘baboon vs badger’ conundrum.

Zak Wylde answering @popbitch 's baboon Vs badger conundrum pic.twitter.com/fARhOWr7Zz

— Matt Tuckey 🇬🇧 mastodonapp.uk/@matttuckey (@matthewtuckey) May 24, 2023

I spent a month trying (and failing) to get on TV

10 years ago, I managed to get on 2 TV shows, as mentioned last month. I enjoyed both experiences, and planned to get back into TV one way or another, some day. I’ve watched many reality TV shows from being 18 onwards, and I’ve always noticed that there’s no prerequisite for talent or looks. (Make your own mind up if I have either.) 

The opportunity should be there. So, throughout May, I looked around for TV shows looking for subjects and contestants. 

Production companies ask interested parties like myself not to tell anyone about the application, so I can’t tell you a great deal in this blog post. I had ideas for shows that I wanted to apply to, but I found a lot of them were not taking on. The shows that were looking tended to be specific documentaries looking for people who were in specific situations. Are you in the process of a major home improvement? Do you have an antique you’d like valuing? Well, no, I don’t. But I’m still open to suggestions, so I told production companies as much. I received the odd application form, and filled and sent them off. I’ve recorded a few piece-to-cameras selling myself, something I’m getting a little better at doing. But I’ve not heard back from any of them. 

So… maybe I’m too old. Or it’s a waiting game. 

Throughout this month, I’ve tried to keep fit ready for any screen appearance. I’ve stuck to healthy food and kept at the gym. My weight has gone up to 83kg though, and I hit no PBs. No way am I fitting into my suit trousers right now. 

As a project, this TV thing is now complete. While I wait to hear, I have these others. I’m 41 in 2 months...

Prospective Monday 22nd May

A few things I forgot yesterday: this book find

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And these restaurant trips

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Sipped this at yesterday’s family gathering:

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This TV project ends Saturday. Expect a vague write-up as production companies don’t want you telling anyone anything.