Friday 14 October 2011

Cave-in on the Subway



Gord
Is there a problem?

Customer
Yeah, moron. I ordered a cheese sandwich and there's hardly any cheese in here.

Gord                   
That's no good, is it? Here, give me your sandwich. I will fix it for you. You can't have 
complaints there's not enough cheese in the cheese sandwiches. 

Gord begins piling stupidly large amounts of cheese onto the bread.

Gord
I mean, if there's no cheese in a cheese sandwich, that's just two slices of bread. If 
word of that were to get out, well, I could lose my job. I could lose all of this! And we 
wouldn't want that, would we? Would we? Would we? Huh?!

Gord pushes the pile of cheese covering the bread at the customer.

Customer                  
What the fuck am I gonna do with that?

Gord
You could stick it in your bum-bum. You can put the cheese in your bum.

-Sandwich Technician Gord (Tom Green) defends his culinary skills in Freddy Got Fingered.

A month ago I blogged about Subway not being as healthy as you might imagine

I vowed not to eat Subway again. It was my intention to blog about my sub-free life a month later, and in the meantime to see how my new diet affected working out at the gym.

I just about managed. On the morning of Sunday 9th September, after a stunning night in Avici White, I crumbled. My gang were starving. I was starving. The top end of Deansgate has only one late-opening takeaway. I'm not even going to name it. My night was to end with either a six-inch Meatball Marinara or a hunger/dance induced blackout, only to be scraped off the pavement by the fuzz and thrown in the cells, where I'd be violated by a drunk.

Six inch meatball on herbs and cheese please.”

Fuck it.

On the bright side, since 9th Sept I've got a little healthier. I've lost a couple of kilos. I've improved my ten-minute power-walk and 10-minute row. I can lift more weight on 2 different abdominal exercises. I've notched up the chest press, dumbell fly, hip abductor (working the outside thigh muscle), shoulder press and wide grip lat pulldown. I've beaten personal bests on 9 out of 30 different movements that I do at the gym.

To gauge the effects of healthy eating, a month isn't really a long enough time frame. I also needed more sessions at the gym just to run through all of the movements I'm recording. So for the record, Subway is not healthy and I proved it. Good health proves itself in the long run, though, provided you eat well, sleep well and exercise regularly. And with that in mind, I'm off to bed.

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