Excess
noun
1.
the
fact of exceeding
something else in amount or degree:
His
strength is in excess of yours.
2.
the
amount or degree by which one thing exceeds
another:
The
bill showed an excess of several hundred dollars over the estimate.
3.
an
extreme or excessive
amount or degree; superabundance:
to
have an excess of energy.
-Dictionary.com
June
2004 was the last time I felt an excess of pressure forced on me- I
was behind on university coursework, under-supported, overworked,
misunderstood and over-matched. I still came out with a 2:1, but I'm
sure the university bent the rules to accommodate me. I remember
having 2 sheets of A1-sized paper pinned up on my wall on my flat,
with a breakdown of everything I needed to finish before the end of
June. It seemed impossible. But after a breakdown of my own- almost
quitting the course, weight loss, sleep loss, some vomiting and a few
fallouts with course members and staff- I handed it all in. It turned
out a minidisc I'd submitted with a radio project was blank. Through
pure fluke this was the only project I'd created of which I'd made a
backup, so I submitted that and passed.
It
was like running off the edge of a cliff into freefall- everything,
then nothing. I went out into the working world and, temporarily, got
a marketing job.
Since
then, I've been under similar levels of pressure but usually due to
support systems- people who were supposed to help me with memory
difficulties- not being up to scratch and not giving me the help I
need, meaning work I was doing and parts of my private life started
to fall apart. But deadlines have not particularly been a part of
this.
On
my 26th birthday it dawned on me that I'd been aiming in
the wrong direction since I was 19- I should have been trying to be a
writer professionally, and not firing aimlessly into general media
qualifications and whatever sales or admin job I could get my hands
on. But I refused to go back into education and blow thousands more
on qualifications, when it was experience that employers craved. So I
started to take blogging more seriously.
The
problem I faced- there was no-one pushing me on. There were no
deadlines, no staff or managers overseeing my blogging or creative
writing. Nobody was paying me for my hobby, nor would there be. I was
craving someone to crack the whip.
I'm
now 35. I've continued blogging, and I'm fast-approaching 11 years of
this hobby. I've had a few bits of fiction and poetry published
online here and there. I've had a couple of letters published in a
couple of local newspapers. One E-newsletter has linked to a blog
post I wrote. Minor successes here and there. There was no-one
pushing me on, though, no-one encouraging me to succeed, and this
exacerbated a depression and feeling of failure. I needed someone to
crack the whip.
In
May, Yorkshire-based support group Andy's Man Club
opened a club in Oldham. I started attending and found a group of men
who were as keen as I was to improve themselves and beat depression.
The last few months have been incredibly successful for the group,
seeing attendance figures rise and new groups open across the
country.
After
a few sessions, I suggested to them that they themselves may be the
people I've needed to give me that push, to provide the impetus to
write something within a time frame. I want to write something that
will help people, probably to do with men's mental health, and I'd
like someone to push me on to do that. AMC have told me, as soon as
you have the idea, let us know and we'll encourage you and keep you
focussed.
For
a while now, I've had an idea for a two-part, two-month-long project
about excess. A month of reading and watching films, about people who
have lived their lives to excess- Hunter S Thompson, who wrote Fear
and Loathing in Las Vegas, Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street,
The Dirt, Neil Strauss' biography of The Motley Crue. After this
month, another project- this time of citizen journalism with the
intention of uploading a find every day for the month of November, to
coincide with National Blog Posting Month.
So, a month of research and a month of practical.
NaBloPoMo,
as National Blog Posting Month is also known, is an American project
that takes place every November. The principle is to post a piece to
your blog every day for the month of November: 30 posts in the month.
There'll be optional prompts provided by the site, which I'll take a
look at, but I have ideas of my own in case these suggestions don't
fit my blog. Whether these prompts are helpful or not, there's one
underlying theme that will help push the blog along.
My
blog has always been about action. It has been about things
happening, that either I'm involved in or other people, perhaps you,
could get involved in. Meetup events, book signings, demonstrations
and protests have all found their way into the blog. In order for
these topics to appear here, I've had to go out and find these
things, to be proactive and ready to make things happen myself. I've
been stockpiling ideas for a few months particularly for October and
November's projects- let's hope there's enough!
1 comment:
Matt that's a brilliant and honest post. It's been a pleasure to meet you at Andysmanclub and the impact on myself has been dramatic.
Great writing and an excellent objective to set.
See you soon.
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