The Machinist Diet

 

In 2004 Actor Christian Bale took up the titular role of The Machinist, a factory worker with insomnia whose interactions – possibly hallucinations – with other people drive him to the brink of insanity. I saw it in probably 2006. I enjoyed it but didn’t understand it. I made a plan to watch it again, but then life got in the way. 

20 years later, I’ve managed to get my hands on the DVD and bargain basement price, and it includes some extras. At the time I watched it I was probably in the best physical shape of my life, doing Muay Thai and weights, and eating my mum’s excellent cooking. There was definitely no need to lose any weight. In 2010, however, I moved out, and under the lacklustre care of social services, I spiralled. I had no idea how to cook, shop for food or budget. The abs went within weeks, and never came back. At the time I moved out I was 68kg. Over the years, I spiralled up to 90kg. I managed to diet down to 72 a couple of times, but I’m currently 86.2. 

So. I need to lose exactly 14 kilos. 72.2kg is the weight I know I need to be to fit into my 30” suit trousers. The fastest way I can imagine doing this is this what I understand Christian Bale did to achieve that gaunt physique. 

Pretty simple really: a can of tuna and an apple every day. This might be a terrible idea, but the reality is a working kitchen usually is already stocked with a load of food. If you try these diets, you risk letting the food go off, even if it’s in the freezer. These projects can take longer than you might expect. So, for the moment, I’ll alternate between eating a full meal a day, and eating a can of tuna and an apple a day. I’ll do this until the rest of the food runs out. But essentially, cans of tuna and bags of apples will be all I’ll be buying until I hit the target weight. In the meantime, I’ll watch the whole of the DVD, plus other media, and use a skipping rope until the weight comes off. I’ll try to keep up with gym classes, but I expect I’m going to have to reduce the weights a bit. Fighting the cravings and sticking to the plan is the tie-in to psychology. The mental task of committing to the diet is probably harder than the physical effort of moving when incredibly hungry. 

I’m getting drunk tonight, but after that… it begins.