This week at Bongo's Bingo you missed...

...Manchester's most mental game of bingo, Bongo's Bingo in Albert Hall. Prizes included a space hopper, a cardboard cutout of Will Smith, a double ended dildo (the young Indian girl next to me- obviously one of a group of freshers- was openly eager to win this), a plastic Totall-Recall-style baby head, a bottle of apple Sourz, a giant fluffy unicorn and cash, with a top prize of £500.

If you've ever wanted to be knighted with a double ended dildo in front of a church full of people, here's your chance.

In the intermission: a UV rave, of course.

If two girls call out bingo... this happens. A dance-off for the prize.

This is normally a sellout event and last night was no different as Johnny Bongo and his crew return for 2017. They play at numerous venues in the north of England, so if Gala and Mecca are starting to bore you, we guarantee this won't.