Why you should be designated driver

Your other four mates are planning on group drinks, at equal pace, in rounds, for your night on the town. Why should you miss out on the drinking and take the car? And why should you ever utter the usually-unheard-of line “I'll be Des”? Well, it turns out there are a number of reasons.

• The obvious one is saving money. The price of alcohol has rocketed in some bars and clubs in recent years, and, like the country, you're likely crawling out of the recession yourself.
  
  
• As a result of this, you can afford to go to the higher-end places that you might not have been able to had you been drinking.
  
  
• You stay more aware of your surroundings. No stumbling about dropping your belongings, spilling drinks on the girl in the expensive dress or drunkenly harrassing the barmaid (who eyes your vodka-and-coke-stained lapel with disdain.)
  
  
• You have more coordination, meaning that- if you're comfortable enough- you can dance without looking like a puppet. (Provided you can dance in the first place.)
  
  
• There are no queues for a taxi, as you ARE the taxi.
  
  
• Your mates will love you for saving them money.
  
  
• It's easier to meet people when you're compos mentis. You've no dutch courage to back you up, but who needs that when the people you're competing against are drunk and don't know what they're doing? No slurring (on your behalf at least) and a better abilty to hold a convo yourself.
  
  
• We all have camera phones these days and most people take pics and videos throughout the night. These always come out better if you can actually see straight while you're looking through the viewfinder.
  
  
• Some bars offer free Coke or Sprite if you wave your car keys, signifying you're driving for a group. You can spend a ridiculously small amount on a full night out if you go to the right places.
  
  
• No hangover the next day. Get straight at your Sunday afternoon with no loss of pace.
  
  
• The gym session the next day isn't solely dedicated to undoing the harm you've caused to yourself the previous night. It's about continuing the improvement you put in at your last session (even if that was last January.)
  
  
• You can remember more of the night when you wake up, rather than finding a debit receipt and a faded stamp on the back of your hand as clues for a Columbo-style investigation into what went on last night.
  
  
• No arguments with your mates or your other half. Well, no drunken ones.
  
  
• People watching can be entertaining. Look at that drunken buffoon trying to shuffle. Horrifying to think that was you last weekend, isn't it?
  
  
• You can still do poppers if you want. Amyl Nitrate is legal and causes a temporary head rush. Once it's passed, you're safe to do pretty much anything as normal. Too much in one night will give you a headache, and there are some long term effects from regular use, as there are from many things. Like the alcohol you're not drinking.
   
• On exiting the club you don't particularly feel the need to clamber into the nearest greasy takeaway. Your diet improves not just due to reduced alcohol intake but due to the better food you put in. You can always whip up some cheese on toast once you get in (and grilling sober is nowhere near as risky as drunk).
  
  
• You don't break the seal. Because what you're drinking isn't alcohol, you don't feel the thirst from dehydration and you don't pump your body full of liquid, meaning you aren't constantly going to the loo.

Give it some thought the next time you're planning on going out. Ask yourself if you really need to drink, and see how it feels to be one of the few sober people at the end of the night. It's surprisingly fun.